3 months into dating and no sign of something serious

sunglasses90 · 2022-08-30T11:38:25+00:00

What is he looking for in a relationship? If you’re 3 months in and can’t answer that then I agree that’s concerning and you might be wasting your time if he’s not looking for the same thing as you.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-08-30T11:49:15+00:00

It’s not at all unreasonable to want to know where you stand in a relationship! Where do you want this relationship to go ideally? Are you looking for marriage and/or kids?

What did the two of you say you were looking for when you first got together? Have you had any discussions around what your long term plans are?

marceqan · 2022-08-30T12:23:11+00:00

Very reasonable especially considering you’re both in your 30s, crucial even if you are planning marriage and kids. Just ask yourself what “official” means to you - just the girlfriend title? Meeting his parents? Social media official? And then inquire about it in a non pushy way. I would also recommend that you think through your expected timeline like moving in together and when to walk away, too often I see women on this sub posting about being single again after 4 years relationship because they thought the relationship was happy - I personally think there is no reason to stay in a relationship if after 2 years there is no proposal or after a year a conversation about expecting one feels pushy/uncomfortable. Use your age to your advantage if he tries to gaslight you that it’s too early to be official or have this conversation, it really isn’t. Like I think you’re great and I’m enjoying my time with you but at my age I’m hoping to have children/settle down/build something with a partner/I’m only interested in serious commitment so I need to know where we stand.

stripe_throwaway · 2022-08-30T22:12:10+00:00

Your friend is right. Don't ask. Let him bring it to the table. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything, though. You have options.

This is a vetting opportunity for you. Just tell him you really like him and you're having trouble not imagining a future without him. Hell, tell him "I want to be your girlfriend." Or "I've never felt like this with anyone before." Whatever it is, make it honest and make it vulnerable. Can you trust him with that kind of vulnerability? The idea probably feels uncomfortable. It should. It's never comfy putting yourself out there like that.

Do it and let him chew on it. Men need time to process things. Say it with no expectation of a conversation happening in that moment. If you feel like you'd falter, do it at the tail end of your next date and make it the last thing he hears. Hug him a little too long. Let your touch linger. Whisper something to the effect of "Wow you make me want to be your girlfriend." into his ear. Bury your head in his chest. Squeeze his hand a little. Hide in his shoulder. Go home with no further words.

It may not be as soon as you'd prefer, but he will let you know where he stands.

CodnmeDuchess · 2022-08-30T11:47:24+00:00

Just talk to the man in a non-confrontational way that centers the fact that your feelings for him are deepening. It’s not that complicated. Do not ask “where is this going?”

SimplyMerlin · 2022-08-30T13:58:50+00:00

Ask him. If he doesn't give you a straight answer, he's stringing you along.

misslulusaid · 2022-08-30T15:25:46+00:00

My bf and I just made a year, we're very much in love and care about each other. We've met each other's families, all that good stuff.

I was talking to a friend and realized my bf never actually asked me to be his girlfriend! We just said we wanted to be together and try, (it's ldr so he went back home) but he never said the words.

Now, obviously throughout the year he's introduced me as his gf but recently I told him this.

He's non-confrontational and he didn't think anything of of it. I told him to ask me officially, lol.

Long story short, bring it up, the oh so infamous: "what are we, what are we doing?" See what happens. He might already considered you his gf. Boys are "precious little slow pokes" sometimes, y'know 😂 they need help too

NinethePhantomthief · 2022-08-30T14:01:38+00:00

Actions speak louder than words in this case. Are you riding solo?

LightOverWater · 2022-08-30T15:31:57+00:00

Are either of you dating other people?
How much time do you spend together each week?

Several_Macaron_1707 · 2022-08-30T18:21:06+00:00

I would just ask, maybe not in a sit-down confrontational manner but the conversation needs to happen.

I think you should also consider what you would do if he asks for more time, do you want to invest the effort?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2022-08-31T04:19:47+00:00

How often do you two see each other?

I think 3 months is pretty reasonable to ask, but if the first like 2 months were 2 dates total then it might be a little odd.

Personally I think after around 4-6 dates the guy should probably know whether he wants to be with your long term or not. Sounds like you’ve already passed this point.

Well unless the 4-6 dates are within like a week. Then he’s just lonely/love bombing.

WordsinaWhisper · 2022-08-30T14:16:52+00:00

have you talked to him about it? cause it sounds like your strategy is to rely on anonymous internet strangers for an answer only he can provide. I get it, this is r/RedPillWomen and there is a certain culture here and an expectation you have here of gender roles, so I get expecting him to initiate.

BUT, that doesn't mean you are 100% passive. that doesn't mean you do not have agency. consider for example the following analogy. when people say they are "traditional" and want a man to pursue them, you have to remember that "traditionally" women have dropped a clear hint for the man to initiate. I'm here as a man to inform you right now. WE ARE DENSE. we do not read minds. we have no clue what you want, regardless what society has told you. we never did, and never will. three months? *scoff* he'll get comfortable and stay that way for a year if you do nothing because not all men are that emotionally intelligent. thats common and normal.

so drop a hint. maybe something that tells him you love him.

and have you considered he already ASSUMES he has you and in comfortable and doesn't think he has to do anything cause in his HEAD he thinks he already has you?

Nillihant · 2022-09-01T02:29:23+00:00

Can you share your ages?

vin9889 · 2022-08-30T23:52:59+00:00

3 months?

I mean what do you expect to happen?

Say it takes Atleast a year to really know someone

whorledstar · 2022-09-02T02:42:50+00:00

Make yourself less available. He’s not going to realize what he has if you’re always there. Men don’t respond to words, they respond to no contact.

Title	3 months into dating and no sign of something serious
Author	peachiesunset
Upvotes	20
Comments	28
Date	August 30, 2022 10:50 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x1fvp6/3_months_into_dating_and_no_sign_of_something/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/3-months-into-dating-and-no-sign-of-something.1130749 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130749

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