So we understand that a major part of the incel identity is feeling unworthy of attention from women. I'd like to highlight that this is largely due to the toxic dating environment we've forced upon awkward men.

a-man-from-earth · 2022-11-22T09:52:11+00:00

The "article" does not link to the supposed research in this. Also the "experts" say the fact that more men are scared to chat up women is a positive development. This is a garbage article overall, and it's purpose seems to be to call attention to a dating app.

Removed as spam.

hotpotato138 · 2022-11-21T23:05:42+00:00

I have good social skills. I have empathy for men with bad social skills. Society should also have empathy for those men.

FlexMissile99 · 2022-11-22T00:47:00+00:00

I don't have any data to hand, but just speaking from my anecdotal experiences, I'm not sure this is true. Many incels are cripplingly shy and basically write themselves off from dating before they've even tried but many do give things a fair go. I'm not a virgin, and have had success in dating in the past, but after I acquired a disfigurement and then a progressive disability in my very early twenties my dating life dropped off a cliff. My confidence suffered, yes, but I still put myself out there and was able to conjure up the ghost of my old charming self. But it didn't matter. Flirting that was considered charming and appropriate when I was normal and (reasonably) good-looking, was now viewed as creepy and weird. Due to premature baldness and some acquired facial aging-mimicking disfigurements I was frequently mistaken for a man in his late 30s or 40s. And of course, as the disability began to bite women became even more unforgiving.

I would trawl Tinder for months without even a single match and things were just as bad in person as I seemed to be at best invisible, at worst a reprehensible eye sore to women. Speaking as someone whose experienced life as a decent-looking man and as a really quite ugly one, the world is a very different and chilly place to men who aren't at least a little physically attractive. You could be a 150IQ genius writer with an incredible wit but if you're a 2/10 visually most women won't care. Indeed, a US university recently released a study which found that women actually disregarded things like income and education and personal qualities in choosing partners unless they reached a certain looks threshold, in which case they came into play. Such studies suggest the old myth that ugly men can compensate for their physical shortcomings by getting rich or being funny are untrue, and that the compensation (and we're talking in terms of inspiring actual attraction here, not just gathering gold-diggers) effect only occurs if you are already somewhat attractive to begin with. Beyond this, there's loads of data proving how being handsome versus being ugly massively shapes your interactions and opportunities in pretty much every area of your life, but especially dating.

TLDR: some incels are the victims of shyness and insecurity, sure, but there are many who could have the charisma of John Tucker and still wouldn't be able to get a date. Let's not perpetuate the myth that every incel can get a girlfriend (that they actually like) if they only tried hard enough. The harsh truth is that some people just draw unwinnable hands.

Soontir_Fel · 2022-11-22T01:42:33+00:00

At the end of the article it said that experts see this as a good thing, how out of touch are people.

SuperSupremeKai · 2022-11-21T23:10:37+00:00

The whole thing looks like an advertorial for a dating site/app called happn.

Forgetaboutthelonely · 2022-11-21T23:50:50+00:00

This article goes into discussing how many men are outright afraid to approach women.

So I wanted to add my own spin to things. We have a clearly visible population of people who are struggling here. Younger awkward or even disabled men to whom expressing interest is a risk not worth taking.

I was one of these men. And it took me years to unlearn the message that my sexuality and romantic desires were unwanted and toxic.

And as soon as I learned to be more open in expressing them I found immediate success in those areas.

frackingfaxer · 2022-11-22T04:14:56+00:00

Romance is enough of a minefield without the climate of fear created by meToo. In combination with legal changes, viz. sexual harassment and affirmative consent standards, potentially criminalizing large swathes of what ordinary people would call normal human sexual behaviour, it makes me wonder what the long-term effects of this are going to be. Are we all eventually going to become too afraid to even attempt sex and romance with another human being? Meanwhile, advances in VR and sex robots are going to make a certain other option look very viable to more and more people. I mean, even today, no shortage of men have decided that internet pornography is a superior option to the modern dating minefield.

Here's an incredibly depressing and delirious vision of the future for you. A future that will have made incels out of all of us. A world where real human interactions become a luxury good, that only the ultra-rich can afford the necessary lawyers for. Everybody else will work, play, and fuck in the metaverse. Why navigate that social and legal minefield when you can have sex with a virtual porn star at home? Take her on a virtual date too! No risk of getting meTooed from that, amirite?

darkstar1881 · 2022-11-22T02:29:32+00:00

At its most basic, it’s deep loneliness. People think that this means physical isolation, but isolation that happens in close proximity to others is just as damaging.

KatsutamiNanamoto · 2022-11-22T07:52:04+00:00

This "article" is clearly an advertisement for a dating service. It has no reference to the "study" it mentions. Why is this here?

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