I am at my wits end on my current 19th year of marriage. It seems as time grows with our marriage the more I walk on eggshells. We have been through years of counseling about 3 to 4 years ago, but that never-ending circle of ups and downs continue. The peeks of the good times are becoming shallower and the bad-time troughs are getting deeper. There are many instants to relive here, but safe to say the last episode may have broke the camel's back. I was innocently at the parking lot of the School of Rock where I am an adult student. Normally get done with band rehearsal around 1030 + or -. Well, I was talking with a fellow band member about guitars, pedals and yes, his experience with divorce 10 years ago.

Wife calls around 1130 to see where I am at. 90% of the time she is already in bed asleep. Anyways, I answer the phone when she calls (just so happened I had it in my hand at the time and not his Tailgate of the truck we were standing by chatting). She exclaimed "Where are you !!!". I tell her talking to Mike at the SOR parking lot and she immediately hangs up on me. After which, I see she sent me a text message I didn't see around 1045pm asking if I was ok, fair enough albeit I didn't see it. SHE IS GUILTY BEYOND COUNT ON HOW MANY TIMES SHE DOES THIS. Well, at 1055 she sends another text saying it is rude of me to not return her text of concern.. What? She does this all the time, I calm or text her and nothing. Anyways.. I am pissed.. How does one REALLY feel concern and then in a pissy-passive-agressive way just hang up..

Anyways, the similar events have collected over the years, even post counseling. She has been diagnosed as an Enabler and major Codependent. She has low self-esteem that apparently I am the one the needs to fix it.

Now there is the thought of my child living in a divorced family, her elderly mom living at our house, three dogs, all my assets of retirement made and created during and much before we married, my Air Force retirement. I have so much to loose. She wanted to be a stay home Mom to raise her son from a previous encounter befire me, our daughter, etc. In hindsight, i should have had her still work. She never had any savings and/or retirement plan for herself prior to use getting married.. this is my first marriage, her 2nd. I am feelings things I have never felt before..

Now, what do I do? I think I am done trying. In my head I have given 100%. Do I blindly start talking to husband-centric divorce lawyers?

Okay, my first public post to reach out