Am I being reasonable?

Gattsama · 2022-12-31T09:21:29+00:00

Tricky. If you didn't request for her to pay rent and made the offer in good faith I would hold you should keep your word. If this offer is part of your final divorce degree, follow that. If the divorce degree is you get the house, then it's your house.

It sounds like you got the house. Then offered for / allowed her to stay, and then later decided to ask for rent? If so then legally you can do what you want, your house; but if you didn't discuss rent when making the offer and are adding it after the fact (especially if really after the fact) it's not unreasonable for her to be upset.

You no longer need to worry about her being upset though, she's the ex. But it sounds like co-parenting and cohabitation wise, if you didn't request initially and the arrangement is going on for 3mo; would just let it stay as is.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-31T12:49:40+00:00

> Am I wrong in expecting her to pay half the mortgage?

You were wrong in allowing her to stay in the house after divorce.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2022-12-31T12:14:03+00:00

Of course she said it’s “abusive”. That word has been so bastardized, pretty much everything is considered abuse.

Small-University-875 · 2022-12-31T11:35:23+00:00

Do you have to buy her out of the house via her half of the equity or did you get lucky and she doesn't know she's entitled to that?

CaliDude75 · 2022-12-31T15:27:12+00:00

I just gave my ex the house outright as part of the settlement on the condition she take over the mortgage payments, in exchange for me keeping 100% of my retirement and investments, and no claim on future income, beyond a $25k cash settlement. No kids in our case.

If it’s a finite time that you’re going to be under the same roof, I would ask her to give you a lump-sum payment as per of the general settlement, or just waive it.

I know on paper, my offer was very generous, but I wanted a quick agreement and settlement, and it was one I could live with.

Throwaway4120213 · 2022-12-31T17:50:57+00:00

Yes - you are wrong in expecting it. Unless you are prepared to toss your ex out of the home like any other normal tenant then you should not have let her stay in the home. If you are not prepared to do that - it’s your own fault for putting yourself in this position.

Was paying rent discussed? Would you sign a rental agreement with a regular tenant that just says someone can stay until x and have no mention of rent? Is it reasonable to tell a friend they can stay with you for 3 months without any mention of compensation to them but secretly expecting compensation and then only ask after they move in?

If you wanted any financial compensation- it should have been in the divorce orders. If you expect any tenant or person to pay rent - that should have been communicated upfront not after the fact.

Treat your relationship after divorce like a business. Don’t be vague in your dealings and be “surprised” if your expectations are not their expectations. To expect anything financially out of one’s ex not in the divorce decree is not reasonable.

junkmailbox121 · 2022-12-31T17:57:01+00:00

If you agreed on her staying in the house until the end of the school year then I'd let her stay rent free unless it was mentioned in the final decree that she would have to pay rent. It seems like a long time until the end of the school year but it's 5-6 more months. Divorces go on longer for that.

I guess once she signs over the deed to you, you can do whatever you want as the house will be solely yours but probably can't kick her out because you agreed to let her live in the house until the end of the school year.

If she stays past that time then you should definitely ask for rent plus half of utilities and everything else you can think of.

captainchippsixx · 2022-12-31T18:09:43+00:00

No alimony is really really good. If you don’t have it in writing then she will not pay.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-12-31T18:23:50+00:00

Small price to pay since she doesn't want alimony

Title	Am I being reasonable?
Author	Address_Icy
Upvotes	1
Comments	9
Date	December 31, 2022 8:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zzp9n3/am_i_being_reasonable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-being-reasonable.1147971 https://theredarchive.com/post/1147971

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