Where do meet men outside of OLD(dating apps) for introverts?

PixelizedPlayer · 2022-12-31T01:24:48+00:00

At networking events or hangout, or meetups, at least in my city, guys don’t really approach girls.

This is not unique to your city this is quickly becoming a global phenomenon with extreme cases showing in Japan and South Korea where men are avoiding women in record numbers even on a friendship level so much so that governments are trying to encourage people to have children due to population issues.

I imagine a lot of men believe or have experienced negative responses from their approaches (I don't mean rejections - i mean being called creep or whatever)..so they don't want that label. And with social media where women might tell the world about your approach to embarrass you further you can see men might avoid it.

A lot of men get nothing in their 20ies other than hostility and rejection, so in their 30ies they likely have a huge chip on their shoulder and gave up.

Also:

There has been a phase I forced myself to go on dates with multiple guys from OLD at the same time, without being judgemental and with a flexible mindset “let’s see what this takes us to”, but I got easily drained and exhausted.

Explains this:

they are ready for a relationship but not interesting,

If you eat too much chocolate you will no longer like chocolate. Dating multiple guys at once does not seem like you are struggling to get men to be interested in you, it sounds like you've been at it so long you can no longer find anyone that stands out from the blur of previous experiences - and thats the problem here not so much the dating apps or the lack of men. You've just speed ran it. If you still can't find someone, after dating multiple men to the point of exhaustion is it really men who are not interesting or your expectations are now unrealistic at this point that the average decent guy is just bland to you like all the other previous guys you dated?

You're dating experiences in your 20ies might've given you a false sense of what you should expect and nothing stimulates you anymore.

sunglasses90 · 2022-12-31T15:27:16+00:00

It’s extremely hard to meet people outside of OLD. Not impossible, but difficult because society views men approaching women outside of bars as creepy and even sexual harassment. It’s always worth a try though at church, and hobbies and volunteering where you’re friends/acquaintances first.

3 years of serious OLD should get you somewhere. What types of guys are you going on dates with? How are you choosing them?

algo_trader_6ix · 2022-12-31T03:33:39+00:00

I know you mentioned that you're an introvert but I would strongly consider giving at least choosing signals or strong eye contact with a guy that you are interested in talking to in a social setting. This will increase the chance of that guy approaching you.

As the other person mentioned, guys don't approach as much as in previous generations because of the current climate of getting accused of harrassment/sexual assault/ me-too, and the risk of getting their face uploaded to social media with a false story for clicks.

pieorstrudel5 · 2022-12-31T03:09:13+00:00

I started a Cornhole league with some girlfriends to make friends. I'm in an LTR, but I am just saying.....we were the only girls there. Our ages range from 28-55. And the same to be said for the men. The men did not know what to do with a bunch of silly women who were out having a good time. Great opportunity to mix and mingle with men in a real world setting.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-12-31T23:29:37+00:00

I don’t want to be the one to ask numbers.

And yet, you might get better results if you plowed the road for a guy. Garfunkel and Oates did a video for "Rookie Mag" which is unfortunately no longer publishing and, even more unfortunately, no longer has the video part where Kate Micucci talks about Rikki Lindhome teaching her to flirt, which included (and this is more of a visual) leaning into the man's space with a slight smile and wide eyes.

You might find the Art of the Bad Excuse helpful.

One thing I recommend is treating men you want to approach like they are clueless to the fact that you are flirting with them unless you make it super obvious, and I mean like super obvious. Like the "not quite humping his leg, but close" type of obvious.

Men suck at 'hints'. In fact there is an evolutionary argument that women and kids cry so men will understand that they are hurt. And we are really only good at figuring out when someone is angry at us. When I was younger, I had a few women who had to basically draw me a map. Once I got clued in (and after the deal was sealed) there would be a conversation like this, often during pillow talk:

Girl: "How did you not get that I was flirting with you outrageously?!"

Me: "I thought that you were just being friendly, but not, you know, this kind of 'friendly'."

And I have more of a clue than most dudes. To wit, I had to write {content warning: naughty language} The Shy Girl and the Sex Date over on TRP to help dudes get over the hump and to the humping. Never mind that women could literally say "Hey, big fella, tonight is the 'Sex Date'. I'm counting on you, so don't screw it up, ok?" and likely get the desired result 99.9% of the time. Alas, mais non.

If you don't want to use a Bad Excuse you can make the "Neighborhood Play" - literally being in proximity to the guy until he figures it out. Also touching his chest, upper arm.

I’m low-key wondering if I should move to NYC?

Lots of competition in NYC. IIRC the numbers slightly favor women, but once you factor out the undateables/WBTs/mom's basement crowd it thins out pretty quickly. As a tall, employed single man with acceptable table manners and no facial tats, I did pretty well in my NYC days. If you were going to move I'd suggest San Diego (numbers skewed because of the proximity to military bases) or Denver aka "Menver." Or you could throw a Hail Mary and move to Alaska.

Good luck.

HalosOpulence · 2023-01-01T00:22:41+00:00

Has anyone mentioned the gym or library?

Scabondari · 2022-12-31T16:42:12+00:00

Women don't realize how terrifying it can be to approach them in public, I know because I went from not being able to do it to getting over the fear to meeting my girlfriend on the street

It's an irrational fear that makes no sense and comes from caveman days evolution where men would fight sometimes to the death over mates. Hit on the wrong cavewomen and get hit in the back of the head with a rock

This applies less so in today's society, there are still bar fights though and yes people can die getting knocked out in a parking lot, so evolution hasn't had time yet to rid our species of this fear that men call 'approach anxiety'

HVM are hard to find and most single women would like to find one so there's clearly competition among women just as much as men to find mates.

Now the question is how to get an advantage over the competition.

Would you ever consider being the one to strike up a conversation with a handsome stranger?

Edit spelling

rosesonthefloor · 2022-12-31T17:02:19+00:00

I know you’re an introvert, but do you like any sports? I met my boyfriend in a co-ed league, and it also gave us the chance to get to know each other as people before we started dating which was nice!

babyegirll · 2022-12-31T18:20:47+00:00

Honestly it just sounds like you arent vetting properly on OLD. You want a healthy medium of "I'll date anyone who matches me" and extreme pickiness. Put in your bio that youre looking for something serious. The good thing about OLD is that everyone on the platform is single and looking for something, and you just have to find someone with similar goals. IRL theres no way of knowing without "wasting" time talking to them extensively, usually.

If you want someone with certain life goals, put that on your bio. If you want someone whos political views match yours, put that in your bio. Vet people over text BEFORE committing to a date that might end up exhausting you. People on OLD are not low value, in my opinion.

The other thing about OLD is that there are significantly more men on those apps than women, so we can afford to be INCREDIBLY picky before matching anyone. When I was on dating apps, I didn't swipe on anyone that I couldnt see myself dating. No bio? No match. Inappropriate pictures? No match. No effort put knto their profile? No match. Overt/extreme beliefs I disagree with? No match.

I got my "tinder insights" done and I only swiped on 5% of the men I saw, BUT because I was so picky, the men that ended up matching with me (~50% of the men I swiped on) I actually enjoyed talking to.

This is just what worked for me, and good luck!

pieorstrudel5 · 2022-12-31T20:32:14+00:00

Also .... Download a weight lifting app (I recommend fitbod it's like $80/year or like $12/month - but do your own research) and go to any gym. I don't even care if it's planet fitness. I go to my local YMCA. If you want a high quality man.... try going to a gym near a good neighborhood. the men in my gym clearly all have good jobs and care about their health and some of them have built really nice asses (beware of the men who only do upper body - in my experience they are crazy). Go hang out in the weight room regularly and you'll probably be one of 3 women in a sea of men. And men love a lady in a weight room. If you dead lift you'll earn a lot of respect automatically. I have gotten asked out several times at the gym. Don't go hop on the elliptical and hope man will talk to you. They rarely will because they don't even want to interrupt. But if you go do some squats with a barbell or dumbell. A guy will talk to you between sets at some point. Make eye contact and smile with men as they walk around. And once you become a regular.... You'll at least have buddies. A guy asked me out and I told him I was taken but I invited him to come hang out with me and my single girlfriends at cornhole. He loved that!

If I am ever single again, OLD is not for me. I will just live my life and enjoy my hobbies and I will meet someone.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-31T00:04:32+00:00

Title: Where do meet men outside of OLD(dating apps) for introverts?

Full text: I’ve in my 30s and have used OLD since my 20s. I’ve moved around because of my career, so OLD has been the easiest way to meet people for me, especially during covid.

I’ve never any success with OLD in the past 3 years though. My impression is, guys on OLD definitely tend to be of lower quality and non-committing. It has either been: 1) they are ready for a relationship but not interesting, 2) they are interesting but not ready for a relationship.

There has been a phase I forced myself to go on date with multiple guys from OLD at the same time, without being judgemental and with a flexible mindset “let’s see what this takes us to”, but I got easily drained and exhausted.

I would date a coworker but everyone works from home and there’s nobody at the office. At networking events or hangout, or meetups, at least in my city, guys don’t really approach girls. Plus I’m an introvert. I tried crossfit and yoga studios, same problem. I don’t want to be the one to ask numbers. My friends tend to be younger than me (not as established as me) and my industry is female-saturated.

I’m low-key wondering if I should move to NYC.

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blacknwhiterose · 2023-01-01T20:46:36+00:00

Social/partner dancing (Salsa, Ballroom, etc), conservative churches and church social events, gyms, co-ed sports (softball, tennis, golf, running clubs, beer league hockey etc.),
language exchanges (also check out Tandem, a language learning app also used for dating)

Also, why move to NYC? Women there constantly complain about the lop-sided sex ratios of more women than men. Why not consider a military town (San Diego, Norfolk) or Northern California?

ghua · 2023-01-02T22:47:33+00:00

Go for group hikes or some other form of meetup, see if anyone seems interesting and chat with them.

Title	Where do meet men outside of OLD(dating apps) for introverts?
Author	nwbh
Upvotes	16
Comments	31
Date	December 31, 2022 12:04 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/zzfs92/where_do_meet_men_outside_of_olddating_apps_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/where-do-meet-men-outside-of-olddating-apps-for.1148070 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148070

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