What to consider when starting this journey

Competitive_Drop_908 · 2023-03-14T03:39:11+00:00

Picking a lawyer is like picking a doctor. Talk to multiple for a free consultation. If you don’t like the one you have you can switch whenever you want.

Have you considered marriage counseling or separation first?

I would recommend to just focus on being the best version of yourself you can be during this process. At the end of the day you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. So act in a way that you have self respect and dignity. A manner in which you will not be ashamed of your actions. Money is a replaceable resource. Time is not.

These are some of the bigger things I have heard during my journey that have really helped.

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2023-03-14T06:15:19+00:00

1 piece of advice is to truly understand that closure comes from within. You will never find peace, satisfaction, reconciliation, or understanding from the other person.

It comes from yourself.

Not believing that and trying to "reach out" for any reason opens people up to getting sucked back in - they are afraid of actually letting go and moving on, so they make excuses for their actions and try to find some closure with the other person

It never works and it just brings more chaos into your life.

Treat your ex like a business partner. You're just trying to keep your 50% of the company and go home. Nothing more, nothing less. They blow up and get nasty? You remember that you were at work and doing a job. You keep your composure, act professionally, do what you need to do, and then go home.

If you keep that mindset it prevents a lot of BS from happening and let you sleep easy at night knowing you took the high road and acted with dignity.

Within both of those concepts requires us to be honest with ourselves and admit our own faults to ourselves as well. That's the hard part nobody wants to do, but if you don't do it you just grow old and bitter and keep making the same mistakes as before.

Don't let that be you. Just go through the shit for however many months it takes and then you can walk away and rebuild everything from the ground up. 5 years from now you'll be a completely different person.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-03-14T05:48:31+00:00

Look for those that mainly practice family law and consider getting one that specializes in representing men.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-14T14:41:35+00:00

Finding an attorney: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13377

Do not move out: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622

Protect yourself from false DV accusations: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=80375

Gain control of the treasury: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/588e5o/gain_control_of_the_treasury/

pk2at · 2023-03-14T15:23:28+00:00

Golden rules of divorce for men are:

1) You keep what you can hide.

2) Courts only care about how much money you can give her, never bend down and volunteer any financial info, let the other side work to get it

3) A lawyer is not your friend, there are easy legal ways to prolong and make the other party miserable, lawyers never suggest this

4) If you someone brainwashed you into thinking 50% is a good deal, you have already lost the game, so get the lube ready

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-03-14T10:39:19+00:00

Find a good lawyer and they’ll get you covered. Expensive bulllshit that’s a part of divorce.

What you do need is to follow the advice of throwaway. Also steer clear of drugs or alcohol. Start thinking and doing healthy things (exercise, food, mental growth). Think of this as an opportunity to grow. This is hard because, depending on the person, you can’t see past this fog of divorce. Take your time and understand it’s gonna be some time until you can think clearly. I still struggle but it’s becoming easier.

chicken_po_boy · 2023-03-16T01:54:31+00:00

It seems the standard advice here is to get a lawyer, but if you and your spouse agree to end things amicably then you can both save a whole lot of money doing it yourself. My ex and I agreed to 'try' to come to agreement without lawyers and eventually we did just that. I was numbers person and she was not. It took a lot of explaining and openness to make her see we had a fair deal. All her friends were telling her to get a lawyer and take me to the cleaners. Ultimately she took the deal we worked out after reviewing it with two different financial planners who told her it was very fair. We both saved a lot of money and did it pro se. We did hire a lawyer but just to draft the paperwork (not to represent us) and the whole thing cost only $1300 including a QDRO.

CB33isGMC · 2023-03-16T07:32:28+00:00

File first.

Female lawyer.

Pick a lawyer actually located within the jurisdiction for your case. Divorce is handled by counties where I live. I’m in a major metro, however my lawyer was from a small firm three blocks away from my local county courthouse. My ex hired bigshots from the big city and got slaughtered. They seemed distant and disinterested (and charged her out of the ass) while my lawyer knew everyone at the courthouse by first name and had gone to high school with many of them.

It IS possible to hide assets if you plan far enough in advance. I never trusted my ice bitch of an ex so I was stashing acorns from the moment the marriage started. I had shit she just wouldn’t have known to ask for and I sure as hell wasn’t declaring it. I also had some very expensive pieces related to certain hobbies that she had no clue the value of.

Once you file STFU. Radio silence. They will record everything thing you say, live or over the phone. They will attempt to start arguments. Grey rock that shit and keep it moving.

Don’t antagonize.

Mediate if at all possible.

Do not procrastinate. Settle quickly while your wife is still fucking her new boyfriend. If she gets dumped before you settle you’re screwed.

Don’t get hung up over petty stuff that can easily be replaced. Let her have it.

Your children will be fine.

Title	What to consider when starting this journey
Author	reborndude
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	March 14, 2023 3:19 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11qv4qq/what_to_consider_when_starting_this_journey/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-to-consider-when-starting-this-journey.1176328 https://theredarchive.com/post/1176328

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