I'm watching The Notebook. I've seen it before but under a different lense. I watch Allie & her mom & girlfriends get all giddy over her in a wedding dress. That used to be me. I wanted that, even had that, but watching it now makes me mildly nauseated.

At 56 I am disgusted at myself. At who I had become; after thinking I wanted to be a "boy" as a child because boys got all the attention & respect while women were invisible. . I AM a strong, financially independent woman. I'm a homeowner, a single parent most of my life (3 sets of children) but I can't do a relationship right for the life of me. Ive spent so many years bending to the desire of my partners that I don't even know who I am. And I guess that is the whole point!! I'm scared but im glad I found you!