I see this a lot on tiktok, people talking to a younger demographic about very specific things they recognise as green flags. I think it gives younger women the wrong impression - that if a man paints his nails, holds your bag, calls men out if they interrupt you, calls himself a feminist, has a sister, always pays, whatever, that this is a green flag which somehow indicates that he is "safe". Unfortunately, that's not how it works. While red flags are reliable signs that he does NOT mean well, there is no singular action that can prove that he definitely DOES mean well.

Sure, all those things can be nice, but the smartest manipulators know how to send all the right signals from the start. Don't assume that any of this stuff is to manipulate you into trusting him, but don't assume it means he is definitely 'not toxic' either - don't assume anything. The only green flag is when he proves, over a long period of time, that he is reliable and trustworthy. When he consistently displays these green flag. and no red flags. That there is no inkling of doubt. There is no Jekyll and Hyde, when he flips from green to red and back again, when he "means well" yet sometimes "has a temper" - he is as sweet to you in private as in public, as respectful to other women and people generally as he is to you, as sweet to you years into the relationship as he was on the second date. There are no shortcuts to knowing if someone is good. The worst people know how to hide their true nature for a very long time, and honestly might be consuming this same content and making notes on how to better manipulate or give false impressions. Even genuinely well-meaning people will always be on their best behaviour that isn't entirely indicative of how they are when they're comfortable.

Remember - if someone displays a red flag, they're not lying because why would someone fake an unflattering behaviour that'll hurt their chances with you? But if they're displaying a green flag - if it isn't consistent and clearly part of their nature rather than part of their act, then it's not a green flag at all.