Protect yourself from "Time Vampires".

Crap___bag · 2021-02-06T19:45:27+00:00

I spent 9 years waiting for marriage. 9. Fucking. Years. Sometimes I would bring it up and it would be a ‘someday’. Sometimes it would be a ‘we are happy as we are’. On occasion, when at a family or friend’s wedding it would be an ‘I want this for us’ or ‘ours wouldn’t have blah blah blah ’. On the day to day I was happy enough, he was my best friend and we had a grand old time (we had been together since late teens so a part of me realised that waiting until we were a bit older was more sensible). But in Feb of last year it finally clicked that I was never going to get what I wanted from him and that situation. I won’t lie and say it was easy, but I look back and am so frustrated that I didn’t stick up for myself, my dreams and my needs sooner!!!

strangerinthealps_ · 2021-02-06T19:59:12+00:00

Yessssss. Pre-FDS, I had a guy drag things out for months. First he was into me, then he said he just didn’t feel it and I was like “Okay, cool, bye.” But we remained friends (don’t do this) and he continued to orbit (seriously, do not allow this) and eventually confessed that he liked me, but was afraid he would mess it up. Because I was a pick-me, I bought it and spent time convincing him that he was a valuable person who was capable of engaging in a relationship (I don’t know how many times I can say this but doooooooooon’t do this.) After a few weeks of future-faking and acting like he wanted to date, he started to go cold and claimed it was his intimacy issues. I got sick of waiting and started to date someone else. I broke up with them after a few months, and Mr. Orbit swept back in and started the cycle again. Push, pull. This time I was able to recognize that 1) guy needs therapy, and I’m not getting paid for that 2) this was all for his validation, it was never going to go anywhere and 3) there was something inside of me that needed the validation and ego boost as well, and my time would be better spent addressing that issue before dating anyone again. I found FDS at the perfect time.

Don’t let men string you along, orbit, “go back to being just friends,” whatever. It’s a waste of your precious time.

Edit: a word.

rftw2013 · 2021-02-06T20:54:23+00:00

You can identify these types of time-wasters early on, like before you ever meet.

If you meet a guy on OLD, and he "spontaneously" invites you out that same night (red flag) and then you (of course) refuse, saying that you're already busy, and he doesn't make plans for a future time, then he's a time waster. These types will continue to breadcrumb you for attention, but will never make plans unless he's bored and has nothing better to do the night of. Just block these dudes; they will never plan in advance.

2021-02-07T05:20:58+00:00

Yep was stuck into something like this which ended a few weeks ago. Once the realisation that 4 months had passed and he didn’t officially ask me out, the emotions hit me like a tonne of bricks. Thanks for sharing this for others that might be in similar situations!

Espionagess · 2021-02-07T09:41:16+00:00

Always date multiple men until you're in a committed relationship. Until you're his girlfriend and it's public, you're single.

mtan15 · 2021-02-07T10:39:02+00:00

My ex won't divorce me, so he's got the perfect excuse not to marry his pickmeisha bangmaid who desperately wants marriage. She lives with him and plays wife and mummy in my place. I'm praying he won't suck too much of her time before she runs. She's 20 years his junior and wanted babies until he settled for him. He can't have any more. The delusion of 'some day' is strong. But someday... I'll be able to afford to be the one applying for the divorce.

e5pe0n · 2021-02-06T21:10:14+00:00

Yes!! How succinct. I can’t quite articulate why or how yet, but this post dovetails so perfectly with the Slow Fade post from five days ago!

M1nette · 2021-02-07T08:22:05+00:00

Great post!

blilola · 2021-02-07T15:21:40+00:00

This hurt to read but its so true. I let a guy waste 3 months of my time, no dates and I had to initiate calls. And every time I tried calling him out he would blame it on the pandemic, even when restrictions were lifted.

Title	Protect yourself from "Time Vampires".
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	201
Comments	17
Date	February 6, 2021 7:26 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/le4qob/protect_yourself_from_time_vampires/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/protect-yourself-from-time-vampires.1192817 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192817

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