To men who want biological children: It might be better to pay a surrogate than to have children with a woman. What do you think?

Your_Agenda_Sucks · 2022-09-02T17:29:10+00:00

10 years later surrogate will violate her contractual agreement because of feewings.

Court will support her over you because she has a vagina.

mib732 · 2022-09-02T17:40:37+00:00

I want a child one day equally as much as I want a wife. It’s part of wanting a family. And I probably won’t have a child if I don’t have a wife.

2HourCoffeeBreak · 2022-09-02T20:12:04+00:00

After having two kids with two different women who seemed to want a kid and a paycheck more than a family, trust me, I know how you feel. But I feel like if there’s a way for a child to have both parents in their life full time, that’s the best way to go.

ExMuzzy · 2022-09-02T15:22:59+00:00

The surrogate mother may change her mind about giving up the baby. You'd then be liable for child support.

caem123 · 2022-09-02T21:51:14+00:00

The State of New York has a very favorable legal environment for men using surrogate mothers.

Perhaps it's popular in NYC with folks like Anderson Cooper (yes on TV. he had a surrogate mother, as has many TV personalities).

2022-09-03T00:34:58+00:00

I think I'd rather just either find a woman that's solid and have kids with her and deal with the risks or just not bother with having kids at all, leaning towards the latter.

2022-09-02T17:03:27+00:00

I'm not really bothered about whether people decide to go the surrogate route to start a family. I would question whether it was done out of selfish reasons, of myself especially, as I agree with the other commenter that both a mother and father figure are important for any child. However I think the most important factor is whether it is a loving home, not if both parents happen to be around for whatever reason. Great people have come out of far worse backgrounds, people are resilient and can cope, but I'd be weary of placing my own needs above my own child's.

The main thing I actually wanted to say is that surrogacy will absolutely never become the norm. Whatever the current social climate is it won't beat love and it certainly won't beat the natural drive to procreate and fall in love. I think it's important to remember that the people who are pushing this feminist anti male ideology are a small section of society over all. The majority of women and men don't pay any mind to any of this sort of thing. Most people unconsciously go with the Zeitgeist with shit they don't care about, if they stopped to look at it properly, if we managed to get our message mainstream, I think they would also see feminism for the fraud it really is. What I'm saying is the majority of people are looking for relationships, love and children despite the current climate. That kind of thing I don't think will end.

TRUCKBOB · 2022-09-03T01:32:54+00:00

firstly, world is too shitty to bring kids into. and they rly do need a mom as well as a dad

RnRsbg · 2022-09-02T20:17:40+00:00

As a man who has dealt with 2 women in family courts, being entrapped into having the 2nd one and having my life torn apart multiple times by her. YES! Get a surrogate! I honestly can’t wait until realistic sex robots are here. Then I’ll never have to even talk to another monster with xx chromosomes again.

xNOM · 2022-09-03T15:37:10+00:00

I think it's a solution, but extremely sad that it's come to this. It may be the least worst option but still...

DavidByron2 · 2022-09-02T15:40:55+00:00

Sounds good if the courts allow you to have your own kid.

OkraGarden · 2022-09-02T15:41:45+00:00

Kids naturally want an attachment to their mother and their father, so you may end up having to cope with the child's emotional struggles surrounding not having contact with her. This is true even if surrogate uses a donor egg, and can even make it worse because the child now has a connection to two different women. Men who went this route have written about how surprised they are that their children still frequently ask for contact with their mom(s) and are very sad they can't have it despite being raised from birth without her. Second guessing and regrets are not uncommon from both parents and the children.

tthechosendummy · 2022-09-03T06:41:24+00:00

I would rather do a closed adoption than a surrogate; but I get it. Just remember how badly you can get screwed

sanem48 · 2022-09-03T07:29:50+00:00

Yeah been thinking about that too, if at one point I'll want to have children. But I do know I don't want to be married.

As mentioned, a real risk is that the surrogate mother decides to keep the child or have rights on it, and that a judge will side with her. Suddenly you go from paying $100k for a child, to paying $100k for visiting rights. In general you're buying something that you might not have full ownership over. Also it's a super expensive thing to do, and there is the psychological damage to a child not to have or know one of their parents.

For these reasons I'm looking at a different strategy, that is to get a woman pregnant in a country that isn't yet feminazi in the legal sense, and refuse to marry her or even recognize the child, but still be a good father. Many women there will agree to this at least initially, they'll probably changed their mind later on but that's when it becomes a battle of wills (and as always, money). Marrying is only going to make things worse btw, they'll just start complaining about other things.

That way if she wants my money, she'll have to allow me to be the father to the child. It's pretty much the same deal you'd get in the West, except that the woman can't screw you over in court, and alimony will be a lot cheaper in general since most of these countries (Africa, Asia) are of a lower cost and income level.

At any point in the future I can recognize the child, and then they can get my Western passport, which is a dream for many people in these parts of the world. Also if we can arrange for the child to be born in my home country, they can pass on the nationality to my grandchildren if they wish hehe.

Worst case scenario she'll run off with my child, but since I tend to date kind hearted women I know the child will be in good hands and I'll just enjoy my life until she comes begging for money. Then once the child turns 18 she'll have no legal power over it, while I can offer them a lot of money and instant Western passport.

Although I doubt any mother can keep a father from their child these days with the internet, you can contact them easily and send money instantly. Teenagers especially love a father who is there for them with a listening ear and a wallet and little more.

Another aspect to this discussion is that technology is changing rapidly. I believe they already have the technology to create clones and what not, and that it's a matter of when they'll open it up to the public. When that happens a whole new world of possibilities and laws is going to open up.

Plus I believe that we pass on at least some our knowledge and life experience to our children (this has been shown to happen in monkeys), for this reason I do want to wait as long as possible before having children, because I know I'm getting wiser every year. Having children young really is the dumbest thing then, literally.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2022-09-02T15:23:55+00:00

This is what i recommend now to someone who is unmarried but say they want children.

Glad-Discount-4761 · 2022-09-03T08:48:37+00:00

That's not bad idea.At least you don't to deal with disgusting postpartum body and broken vagina and lie to her that she looks beautiful.

Also single father is better than single mother

fresh_lemon_scent · 2022-09-03T05:54:27+00:00

I was considering this option as well it seems like an easy thing to do, sure the up front cost might be a lot but in the end I doubt anyone would regret a decision like this because its either being alone and childless or not.

jacare_o · 2022-09-02T16:58:52+00:00

As a child raised by a single dad, I don't think it's a good idea. I think children do best with two parents who are married/in a committed relationship.

Maybe consider adoption?

pappo4ever · 2022-09-02T19:19:42+00:00

Yeah man sure, Billions of humans born since a million years ago but you want to do it differently, go ahead what could possibly go wrong.

Low_Cranberry_4024 · 2022-09-02T18:43:38+00:00

I think it's better to just adopt honestly. I'm seeing alot 9f people taking about needed to parents un the home but statistically children who are born and raised by single fathers don't have "much" worse outcomes than people who don't especially when you consider other factors like incine level and geography.

Scandi_Navy · 2022-09-03T09:56:10+00:00

If you want to use a surrogate you need to use a different egg donor.

The only costs you save are alimony. What you gain is rights and time with your child. And children with a woman of your choice.

If a child needs both parents then what women are doing when keeping the father away is morally wrong.

Yes if you don't have access to daycare you will need to arrange it yourself.

mllhild · 2022-09-03T14:58:12+00:00

Just dont get a surrogate from the country you live in. Sueing across country borders is next to impossible for individuals without a lotif money, so that makes it a lot safer. Example if you are in the USA go for central or south america. If possible put mother unknown in the papers of the child, even if you have to bribe the official/doctor.

jacare_o · 2022-09-02T21:00:28+00:00

I think surrogacy is unethical. Farming out a womans womb and then taking away her child seems awful even if she agrees to it. The fact that women do this for a few grand is crazy to me. It seems very selfish of both parties and totally inconsiderate of what is best for a child.

That's my two cents.

AirSailer · 2022-09-02T16:01:26+00:00

Man, I'd say no surrogate, there's significant psychological aspects of the mother-child bond that are critical to a child's development that men simply cannot provide. IMO it would be selfish of you to have a surrogate as a means to avoid having a mother to your child. You choose not to have a wife/partner then you have to deal with the consequences of that choice.

Archangel1313 · 2022-09-02T23:06:44+00:00

Or, you could just find a woman who isn't a total toxic mess, and just have a kid. Why be weird about it?

Wonderful-Ad-976 · 2022-09-06T00:52:39+00:00

If you had the money and dont want to stay with a woman surrogacy is better. If you had a baby with a woman you are going to share your kid with someone outside your family a surrogate its just geting paid to gestate and push the baby out so you can form its family on your terme its a good solution if you want to had a nuclear family and not a coparent dividided one.

jacare_o · 2022-09-06T15:02:41+00:00

It generally takes two to make a child. And it I perfectly sane for any woman to expect commitment towards her, before she chooses to bring a child into their relationship. Most women risk their career and financial security after they have a child. It is perfectly reasonable on her end to expect support from the father of the child. Alimony and child support comes into picture when marriage fails.

I understand that you find marriage to be a hassle and don't blame you for that. But you need to understand that it's also a hassle for the woman. Especially if she is responsible for the child.

Depending on where you live, laws on surrogacy may vary. But do you really want to "pay" for a baby?

Sweet-and-hope-S2 · 2022-09-09T15:00:08+00:00

Just to inform a surrogate is a woman too, in case you didnt notice.

Title	To men who want biological children: It might be better to pay a surrogate than to have children with a woman. What do you think?
Author	jacare_o
Upvotes	56
Comments	92
Date	September 2, 2022 3:20 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/x446vd/to_men_who_want_biological_children_it_might_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/to-men-who-want-biological-children-it-might-be.1208878 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208878

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