Do a majority of girls see guys as the guy that hurt them last?

DonQOnIce · 2022-02-11T18:38:08+00:00

Women (and people in general) cannot become gay because of trauma. I do know of women who have wished they were gay due to it though.

sploosh_Damn · 2022-02-11T18:37:38+00:00

It would be foolish not to carry lessons from past relationships into future ones. If we're not going to do that then we all might as well marry the first person we date and just deal with the incompatibility.

My first relationship taught me a lot about what's important to me, what isn't, and how to screen for those things. I carried that knowledge with me into future relationships and I was wary of men who were similar to my exes (or other men in my life) in ways that hurt me or were incompatible. But I never gave up on dating/men altogether.

TomorrowsWar · 2022-02-11T18:47:45+00:00

I don’t see men as a monolith but I do try to learn from my own mistakes. Never considered “giving up” but I did consider the possibility that I might not find anyone I could love and be loved by. It’s a great exercise of maturity to feel happy and comfortable being alone. Some of my fondest memories were made when I was single and not entertaining anyone, it was really nice focusing on myself, friendships, family, and my pet.

I have tried gay stuff but it wasn’t out of trauma lol it was out of curiosity. Women are so gorgeous, I thought maybe I was bi but turns out it wasn’t for me.

I think I’ve met the right guy, as always, time will tell. And if he’s not right for me, then I’ll just find someone else - or I won’t!

Im not single anymore and I do miss it sometimes. Mostly because i loved being alone so much and having all the free time in the world to myself. But he’s very special, completely worth pursuing and dedicating my time to

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-02-11T18:35:27+00:00

No. The last guy I would say hurt me, was a relationship from 5 years ago. I have had two relationships since then that didn’t last but I have nothing bad to say about those guys, we just weren’t on the same page.

Some people are going to be shitty. Most people won’t. We are all just figuring it out. One person is not representative of an entire gender.

gamergirllvlup · 2022-02-11T19:09:01+00:00

I have never considered becoming a lesbian as I’m not attracted to women. I have considered giving up on men. But I have a lot of good men(friends and family) in my life that prove there are good men out there. So still holding out hope that I’ll find someone.

I would say it’s not necessarily the last guy. But all past relationships have taught me things to look out for. I’m no longer as naïve as I used to be.

sploosh_Damn · 2022-02-11T19:56:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

87AudreyHorne · 2022-02-11T19:12:04+00:00

I'd say no guy ever really hurt me

But overall I'd say no, they're just more intune to signs that define the personality type that maybe they were oblivious to before

2022-02-11T22:50:04+00:00

Not as “the guy” but as “all the same” yeah

sploosh_Damn · 2022-02-12T07:42:34+00:00

Already bisexual and I still like men and women, I don't see men as a monolith. I've had limited experiences with men because I had a highly isolated upbringing and I'm still a largely isolated person in my life. Knew I was bisexual for a while but growing up didn't have a word for it and I didn't experience sexual attraction until I was around 15 maybe 16. There's trauma in my life (childhood was pure shit) but if it was gonna shape my sexuality it would've made "straight."

rosephase · 2022-02-11T21:14:17+00:00

The person who hurt me the most by being shitty in a relationship was a woman. But I have healthy enough attachments not to project her mistreatment onto others.

I see men as individuals. And although I have been sexually assaulted and raped by men, I don't project that pain onto all men. It helps that I have so many wonderful men in my life.

chromie96 · 2022-02-11T22:27:50+00:00

I've rarely fallen into the "all men are xyz" trap. The times i have was a trauma response and once i worked through it i realized it i was fine. I have plenty of guy friends that ground me in the knowledge that men as a whole are decent guys. I sometimes joke about leaving men behind in favor for women because I'm bisexual but i make similar jokes about women.

mcove97 · 2022-02-11T23:11:44+00:00

My main issue is guys not keeping their word or waffling around promising the world and what not, and sometimes having all the best intentions, but when push comes to shove something comes up or gets in the way and they can't follow through. When guys promise something I'm like yeah right.. I'm sure you want that, but can you actually do that? I personally struggle to see men as trustworthy, and not cause they lie but cause so many of the men I have dated gets lost in their fantasies and dreams about me. I don't want to be someone's dream woman.. I want to be someones real woman.

I've personally never experienced men being unclean or cheating on me, but men hav definitely chosen others things over me and not prioritized me as much as I prioritized them. The latest guy I dated never had time for me cause he was always busy working 24/7 and busy with his friends and family the rest of his role. He always said how important I was to him, but it never actually showed in his actions. It was as if he was married to his career and work. He definitely didn't make effort in making time for me. I don't want to be the person someone calls up 5 minutes before they go to bed to say they think about me and then hang up. I need more than that from a person I'm dating.

I'm kinda done dating for relationships if things don't work out with the guys I've already met, and if things don't work out with any of them I'll just enjoy as much casual sex as I feel like. I don't see why I should deny myself pleasure just cause I can't make a relationship work.

No I have not considered being lesbian to escape trauma. I personally don't think it's possible to choose to become lesbian due to it. I could surely discover that I am, but I can't just choose what I'm attracted to.

LotBuilder · 2022-02-12T01:04:18+00:00

How do we guys feel when we get burned? It’s the same, you hope the next one’s a lot better but you’re not in any rush to find out

Yupperdoodledoo · 2022-02-12T01:12:12+00:00

Not at all. Most of my partners have been great guys. There are assholes and losers out there too but I avoid them.

2022-02-12T03:24:43+00:00

Nope, I go into every encounter with an open heart and open eyes. Of course, pattern recognition is helpful. But individuals are judged on their own merit, by their actions, words, opinions, and general vibe.

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Noodles_R · 2022-02-11T18:38:43+00:00

Not given up at all. There are just some red flags I look out for, and possibly judge a little harshly. But I try to be open and fair with everyone I meet, male and female, and assume the best in them until they prove me wrong.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-02-11T20:30:46+00:00

I know a lot of men and know that they are all different - some good, some bad, most in between, just like women. And that's how I see them. I have been hurt but have never seen that as a reason to just give up, good things are often difficult to find. I am bisexual and can't just switch on or off my attraction to different people because of my experiences, I don't know why you think you can. I can only choose who to date.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-02-11T20:36:26+00:00

I generally see men as people, some are arseholes some are not (and I'm lucky that I'm rarely confronted by arseholes). I wouldn't sayI'd given up on dating. It's just that I never had any interest in dating (and have gone to 0 dates in my life). About future: if it will be it will, if not then whatever. I don't stress about finding an SO.

Title	Do a majority of girls see guys as the guy that hurt them last?
Author	sploosh_Damn
Upvotes	5
Comments	39
Date	February 11, 2022 6:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sq65ab/do_a_majority_of_girls_see_guys_as_the_guy_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-a-majority-of-girls-see-guys-as-the-guy-that.1211071 https://theredarchive.com/post/1211071

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