Short of it is that wife has agreed to ram through a divorce incredibly favorable to me that will finalize in three months, almost no alimony, I get primary custody 51/49, I waive all child support except half of day care expenses (I make enough l, and this incentives her to provide the child care herself). All because she is so hot and bothered by this guy she met two months ago. (I am a lawyer, and she has declined to consult one).

This guy talking big game, wants to be a stepparent, wants to buy a house with my wife, but hasn't even met the kids (and won't until divorce is finalized).

The kicker, got a very disabled autistic child. And this dude has no clue what he is signing up for.

I offered to sit down with both of them and talk to see if we could get on good terms so that I would be okay with introducing him to the kids now, while things are still pending on divorce and I can control pace of introductions, and see if we can all work as a team to co-parent.

Wife said yes, but then also thinks I'm being "controlling" by setting these conditions. But I could legally stop her from introducing new partner during divorce (we both agree because of disabled child, kids need to stay at family home for a good while during the transition, and we rent it from my parents, so good luck getting me out of here).

Should I just shrug and say nevermind? Run out the clock on this no financial cost of litigation divorce and hope for the best for the kids later?