Does hypergamy really exist?

Exis007 · 2023-04-11T23:22:10+00:00

There are two ways to answer this question.

If you mean, "Do humans want to feel secure that they've made a good mate choice and generally dislike feeling they could do a lot better in partner selection"....obviously yes. No one is who honestly feels that they are with someone who isn't meeting their needs or really believes that there are people out there who would meet their needs better is going to stay in a relationship. That's, like, common sense right? Dan Savage famously says there is no settling down without settling for. Believing you've made a good or even great selection doesn't mean you are blind to any and all faults or that you think this person is perfect. But by and large people want to feel like they've found their mate and this person is a great match for them long-term.

So if you mean that, then that's the answer.

IF, however, you mean is there some super secret drive specifically in women to dump perfectly kind and sweet people they are in love with to go and chase money, status, or hotness? No, that's a rejection cope. That's a dude who got dumped explaining that she left him because [insert insecurity here]. Her new boyfriend has a better job, a bigger dick, is taller, is funnier, whatever. That must be why she left. It couldn't be that they fought all the time, that he didn't get along with her friends, that he checked her phone when she was sleeping, or any of the other reasons that might have contributed he's not taking responsibility for. And, hey. You date long enough, you date enough people, and you're also going to be the recipient of some fucking inexplicable breakups. Sometimes someone leaves you or stops talking to you without a lot of great reasons or apparent cracks in the foundation. That's painful. Sometimes people are going to fall in love with someone else and just bounce for a new person, and that's really painful. But that's not women v. men, and it's not some biological mandate. That's just part and parcel with the chaos of dating, and it's part of the risk you take putting yourself out there.

siddsp · 2023-04-12T01:03:45+00:00

I think everyone is hypergamous to some extent, not just women. People want the best possible S/O that is attractive, smart, nice, etc, but reality generally tends to set in when (most) people are older that if they ultimately want a relationship, they're going to have to settle and compromise on their once higher standards, and also learn to be happy with and love their partner.

Personally, such a realization and attitude towards approaching relationships just seems awfully depressing, which is why I think I'm ok being alone as opposed to being with someone who I'm not genuinely content with.

Odd_Statistician8545 · 2023-04-12T16:08:39+00:00

I JUST had a guy end things with me/ghost me because of this. We’d been seeing each other for several weeks, taking things slow because he got out of a serious relationship last year. we aligned on many of the things that actually matter (mentally, politically, emotionally), but he would pepper in random RP terms here and there. I was genuinely happy and even told my parents I could marry this guys one day, so I didnt really dwell on it….Until he found out how much I made. We talked about debt and personal finance stuff openly, but I was raised to never give specifics (it’s rude). I never demanded anything fancy, I just liked spending time with him. One night, after dinner at home together, he talked about how much he made and I said “that’s great” and never went into mine. A few days later, it came up again, so I just gave a range. He would not stop bugging me about how much I made, and im an awful liar, so I caved. I make good money for my age (30F) but I’ve also been in the field since I was 18 so it makes sense. I made it pretty clear to him that I really don’t place too much of my identity in it because money just makes you more of who you are, etc. but then he started acting resentful towards me.

The final straw was when we were arguing and he said you’d leave me for a better looking, wealthier guy.

Several weeks of investment, just gone because he truly believed that.

The Red Pill Community says it’s helping men, but really it’s just leading men to self-sabotage, question their value in the wrong way, and be alone.

Actual_Average_3941 · 2023-04-12T04:33:20+00:00

my ex would talk to me about hypergamy constantly. now it’s a theme for my OCD. i constantly wonder if i’m feeling hypergamus when i don’t. fuck this shit

ResistPrestigious373 · 2023-04-12T02:21:22+00:00

No, hypergamy doesnt exist. It's just cope. People want to feel secure. That is not hypergamy it's common sense.

Jaybro2021 · 2023-04-12T03:50:30+00:00

Everyone wants the best partner they can get. It's not just females. The real problem, is when someone believes that they deserve better than what they can offer themselves (this is being delusional, and entitled). Sure, some people may be able to get someone out of their league, but it usually works out better in the long run, if they are on the same level.

Also, women (if they are reasonably attractive) generally have more dating options compared to the average man, and this usually makes them less likely to stick around if anything goes wrong in their relationship. If a guy also knew he had a ton of other options, he probably wouldn't be so likely to stick around, either.

MarkTheCarGuy · 2023-04-13T16:10:32+00:00

Not in the way RP describes it. Sure, most people want to date the “best” partner they can, but “Best” Is subjective to everyone.

What doesn’t exist is the RP version of hypergamy, which is that you can be a perfect husband for 15 years but if you cry one day then your wife will leave you for the neighbor.

what_i_reckon · 2023-04-12T09:07:46+00:00

This is anecdotal evidence but as a carpenter I’ve never had a relationship with a woman who earned more than me, or who had a good chance of earning more than me in the future. Never had relationship with a woman with a degree.

Shop assistants, caregivers, cleaners, hairdressers, waitresses those types of people were always interested in me. But lawyers and doctors didn’t seem to give me the time of day.

ShityistDisciple · 2023-04-12T00:34:49+00:00

Yes alot of humans have it. However I am not saying all women are hypergamous. Have you ever heard of someone having high or unrealistic expectations it is a part of it.

Aurelius-chfn09a · 2023-04-12T13:03:54+00:00

Almost certainly. I'm probably older than most here, and I remember the time when women typically didn't earn as much as their male counterparts, assuming they had jobs outside the home at all. Back then, it was commonplace for girls to be told by their mothers, "You can love a rich man just as easily as a poor one." There was also the phrase, "majoring in marriage", which referred to women who only attended college to find successful husbands. My paternal grandmother was likely one of them. She once hinted that the only reason she married my grandfather was because he was a Harvard educated physician who came from a wealthy family. Status really matters to women. I can't recall the number of times I've heard women of my generation or older attempt to one-up the other by mentioning how successful their husbands were. By contrast, I've never heard any man brag about how much their wives earn, or about her level of educational attainment.

Is there a type of male hypergamy? Very likely. While men aren't typically attracted to high earning women, it's not hard to find examples of men who divorce their wives for younger, more attractive women, or to leave their current girlfriends for someone more beautiful.

Make-TFT-Fun-Again · 2023-04-12T04:18:46+00:00

Hypergamy refers to the desire to date "up". Whether this is real or not, it *is* pretty clear that heterosexual women generally don't want to date "down".

How many women are willing to date a guy who isn't as educated as them? Only a minority unfortunately. Meanwhile for men, this is way less of an issue.

How many women are willing to date a guy shorter than them? An even smaller minority and a literal case where heterosexual women almost universally avoid dating "down".

Income-wise, women today seem generous enough to allow you to be in roughly the same range, though.

But generally it seems these things are dealbreakers to women much more than they are to men. It is what it is.

Booda069 · 2023-04-12T02:01:20+00:00

Of course!! Imo women back in the days were more hypergamous. Nowadays they are their own bread winners. So that changed up the dynamics a lil

eroofio · 2023-04-17T20:51:34+00:00

Context is important. Up until the 1970s, women were not allowed to even open a bank account without a man’s permission. Throughout history, women had to be housewives and couldn’t work outside the home. They couldn’t vote or go to college, couldn’t own land, and any inheritance of theirs would go straight to their husband. They lived entirely at the mercy of men. They had no means to impact their own outcomes for themselves. Having a husband that could support you was literally the ONLY way you could gain social/financial security and ensure a future for yourself.

(And some echoes of this still exist today. Women may be able to open a bank account now, but we’re still very much living in a man’s world.)

So yes, it exists, but not in the way you may think. It is not some shallow, sneaky, manipulative ploy of feminine wiles, trapping a poor unsuspecting man to use him for a woman’s gain. By and large, it’s about survival

SirJuliusStark · 2023-04-18T16:30:18+00:00

The short answer is yes, and that's a good thing.

If I were a woman and it was up to me to choose the man I could potentially spend the rest of my life with, have children with, and would count on to provide for me and my offspring, I would want to choose the best possible candidate available to me.

This is why the burden is on men to be that candidate. Granted, different women have different standards of what constitutes the best candidate, but there are some commonalities that a lot of men simply overlook or refuse to do out of laziness.

Title	Does hypergamy really exist?
Author	Bumly1998
Upvotes	16
Comments	47
Date	April 11, 2023 11:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/12j17h4/does_hypergamy_really_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/does-hypergamy-really-exist.1214156 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214156

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