With people spending less time outside and more time on social media, is the future of dating online-only, where only a select few men and women have any chance of a relationship?

SweelFor- · 2022-12-08T11:28:39+00:00

No. This is the kind of doomsday acopalyptic scenario, that only people trying to scam you with red pill could put into your head.

If only the top 5% of men and women are dating, then what do you think the other 95% is doing? Looking at each other from the side?

I mean, actually visualise the idea you're proposing

HappyRainbowSparkle · 2022-12-08T12:52:02+00:00

A lot of people still meet in real life though

Exis007 · 2022-12-08T14:27:13+00:00

Dating apps are a billion-dollar industry. And while there are some outliers, the vast majority are owned by a company called Matchgroup. Part of what they are doing with all that profit is starting a marketing campaign basically designed to make you think the thing you're thinking. Everyone is using dating apps, dating apps are the future, that's how everyone is meeting now.

But data says that's bullshit. Only roughly 19% of people are using a dating app, that's actually down from a previous 27%, with a heavy bias towards the LGBT community that is more likely to use them. But one-in-three people have used them, which tells me that people use them and lose them fairly frequently. And then you get into statistics within statistics. Of the people using dating apps (and that's an already small percentage of people) only between 13-19 percent of them have gotten into a long-term relationship. So...not many.

So where are couples meeting? Well, primarily they are still meeting in real life. Dating apps make up a really small percentage of how people are actually meeting long and short-term romantic partners, which higher numbers for LGBT communities overall. Chuch, school, friends, work, bars, hobbies, random chance. I saw one poll of "how did you meet your most recent partner" where people answered 8% for a dating platform and 6% for an app, with the rest all meeting in person in one form or another. So dating apps, despite feeling omnipresent, aren't actually responsible for very much matchmaking here.

But the data in this is very wacky. I recommend you google it yourself, I'm not citing my sources here for a reason. The reason is that there are a lot of competing data sets out there, and they all measure different things. Matchgroup has paid a lot of money to include statistics that make it seem like everyone is on dating apps. That's what I find interesting. They ask questions like "What percentage of adults believe (not actually did it, but believe) they can find love on a dating app". How many people have downloaded the app and made an account. How many young people vs. old people use the app. All these are driving a narrative that says "Dating apps are the future". There are a lot of sites that give you statistics that make it look like everyone is using apps, that's the future, that's the way young people are doing it, everyone's there and it's a big party. But when you ask the question differently as to how many people actualize on the apps, how many people actually meet a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner, how many relationships start, how did people meet in their last relevant relationship...the numbers get very bleak. People are joining! People try the apps. But no one is meeting on them, and not a great number of relationships are forming. People, it turns out, are still primarily meeting in real life. That's how almost everyone is actually meeting someone they want to love. It's not "never" happening on an app, but the numbers are pretty small.

And this isn't some new tech, this has been around for a long time. So I think the argument that apps are the future is a bought and sold campaign Matchgroup would like us to believe, but I think the actual numbers bear out that people meet in person by and large and that hasn't changed. Lots of people join, but very few people actually capitalize. It's our cultural imagination that they've penetrated, not the actual dating market.

RedPillDetox · 2022-12-08T11:36:02+00:00

No, but if that was the case, and 99 percent of people were to date only through online dating, then the dating dynamic online would be much more similar to the real world. You'd have a much more even gender ratio, people's standards would be a little bit more down to earth, as they would have no choice but to conform to what they realistically can get if they want a relationship, which would be someone on their level of "datability"...

an_altar_of_plagues · 2022-12-08T14:56:41+00:00

No. Plenty, plenty of people are not on social media nearly as much as you think they are, and plenty of people have tons of hobbies that are off the Internet and significantly active in other lifestyles.

The only time I hear people say others have "unrealistic expectations" and are not "willing to approach others in real life" are.... the kinds of people who themselves are not approaching others in real life and have most of their world experienced mediated by the Internet. It is an insidious belief, as the type of people these folk are most likely to interact with are going to be similar in this way.

Plenty, plenty, plenty of people have many activities off-line and are interacting with others. Hell, I met my girlfriend of four years at grad school because we both volunteered for the same education program. I have a solid foundation of friends I've met through outdoors programs, especially climbing. Even know some friends in gaming circle whom I met through DnD.

At the risk of sounding harsh - if you're worried that the future of dating is people not meeting others in real life anymore... is that because you don't meet others in real life?

Inareskai · 2022-12-08T14:25:56+00:00

So, no.

Lots of people like meeting in person still. I'm in lots of friend groups where we all met online and it's so exciting to finally meet in person! I also have friends who have started relationships where they met online and started talking there and then met in person.

I also have friends who I don't think are particularly 'top X%' of attractiveness who have met their partners through dating apps. Realistically if society did move to an entirely dating app based way of meeting people (they won't/aren't, but if they did) then it would likely loose a lot of the downsides it currently has because more people would be using them for a range of different relationship types. It would likely move apps like Tinder away from being more looks based hook up places because if it's the only option people had for meeting partners to make long term romantic connections... it'd need to change to reflect that.

But also, as other people have stated, lots of people still meet in person. At parties of mutual friends, at work, at social groups that people very much still attend etc.

xvszero · 2022-12-08T17:48:11+00:00

If the future of dating became "online only" then things would even out on online dating, because there would no longer be like 5 dudes for every 1 woman on dating sites. All women would have to use the dating sites if there were no other reasonable possibilities.

But even as it is now, it's just weird to pretend that "only a select few" have "any" chance of a relationship. Most people who look for relationships find them, eventually.

tomowudi · 2022-12-08T16:41:09+00:00

You need to continue that thought to its ultimate conclusion - let's say you are correct that only a few men and women have any chance of a relationship because of social media.

This means that a large percentage of people will be without a relationship, meaning that birth rates will drop. As birth rates drop, so will competition for partners online and offline.

However, with more people being lonely, that means that "demand" for partners will increase, which will result in more people being willing to explore "outside" of either the apps which have proven ineffective for the "majority" and the habits which have resulted in their loneliness. So people will leave the apps and search for partners via other methods - perhaps more traditional ones such as going out to bars, meet-ups, etc.

This would also mean that more people will continue to find partners/relationships in places where they are already socializing - work, school, vacations, weddings, and other social gatherings.

If anything your doomsday scenario would result in more people socializing in person, which would recalibrate their standards to the actual "norm" that is best represented by meeting people IRL rather than just online.

That's the thing about unrealistic expectations - they aren't realistic and thus become challenged by reality. Inevitably people are CONFRONTED by their unrealistic expectations and will either adapt to reality, or they won't. Those that don't adapt will not thrive, and those that do not thrive will no longer be a part of the "norm".

We live in a society because we are social creatures. Being social is our adaptive strength. By hook or by crook, people will socialize and when that happens, that is how all relationships begin.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2022-12-08T18:15:33+00:00

Porn and social media have sold a lie to many people, and has lead to a lack of actual social skills being developed.

Everytime it is pointed out to someone complaining that they can't find anyone online, to instead go out and socialize, it's met with a myriad of excuses about how "hard" that is.

This is becoming an extremely self-focused and lazy society, where compromise and acceptance of another's flaws, are now considered to be too much of a concession.

The best thing anyone can do for their life at this point, is to get offline and dopamine detox, while taking accountability for your own decisions and happiness.

2022-12-08T12:00:06+00:00

No, but it does provide a viable future for those who struggle with them. Extroverts and the like will often always be able to do more traditional offline relationships, but online actually gives others better and more opportunities.

The people that benefit the most from online relationships are those who struggle with mental health issues, physical disabilities, introverts, workaholics, less physically attractive, etc. People with certain issues can now explore out a bit.

Obviously those with better qualities will do better here too, but if anything, online provides more opportunities for those who struggle with traditional relationships. Maybe you live in a bad or remote area and don't want to date anyone there!

Online provides you an opportunity to explore outside your area for people more compatible with you, but will they all be online? That's very unlikely. Most humans still need physical touch, some need to have sexual intimacy, hugs, cuddles, etc.

I don't really see us becoming a Wall-E type world anytime soon, if at all.

2022-12-08T16:21:34+00:00

if the future is misery through online dating and algorithm-appeasement, then you can quickly and easily set yourself apart by learning how to talk to girls irl

fathergoose77 · 2022-12-08T19:26:54+00:00

While social media has become prevalent, many people aren’t avoiding spending time outside and are not using dating apps, or many try once or twice, see how impersonal and sketchy it can be and leave without ever meeting up with someone.

I’m assuming you spend more time online then outside, so you are mostly exposed to the viewpoints of those who choose to isolate and only spend their time on social media. Realistically, if you step out into the world, you will see that many young people are outside mingling and meeting new people and trying new social hobbies. How are you supposed to see all these people if you are staying inside and only reading material from people who also only stay inside?

Monday I was at a concert where lots of people were out and bonding with strangers over their favorite band, Tuesday I took my pet to the vet where everyone was friendly and I was socializing with other pet owners in the waiting room. Yesterday I was at a work holiday party where I got to meet new people and made closer friends with some people I had met before - now were planning on going to a theme park next month together because we’ve both been wanting to go. The opportunities are out there. What are you doing with your days?

JamesBond2049 · 2022-12-08T22:45:32+00:00

OP. Meet girls in real life. Happens all the time. Young folks lack confidence though which is pulling them back!

Cazabath · 2022-12-09T00:34:34+00:00

I met my girlfriend through work and all my friends met their partners in real life at parties, through friends, at work. I don't have friends who met their partner online. So a lot of people still meet outside of dating apps.

I do believe that social media can have an unhealthy influence on your mental state and it is possible that unhealthy social media consumption can lead to unattainable expectations in their dates. I also believe that this is only a small portions of people and mostly younger people who will, when they get older, will learn that the perfect partner doesn't exist and get normal expectations.

If you have problems with doom thoughts about dating and that dating is not for normal people anymore, start limiting your social media consumption and start doing things with friends or other people. This has helped me to get normal expectations about a lot of different things in life. If you talk to a lot of normal and average people you get grounded more in reality instead of seeing everywhere doom.

Tostitos153 · 2022-12-09T05:30:18+00:00

No. If I were you my friend I would go out on a Friday or Saturday night to your local bar/pub or club. You’ll witness hundreds to thousands of people out mingling and just hanging out.

Aggravating-Grab-241 · 2022-12-10T00:01:45+00:00

No people are still gonna meet people in real life. And If everyone used online dating then it would be easier for everyone. The reason it’s hard for some men in online dating right now is because there are more men than women on those apps. It’s not something inherent to online dating apps. It’s not inherently harder to meet people on online apps.

tinyhermione · 2022-12-09T14:03:52+00:00

75 % of couples aged 20-29 met in social settings according to a recent PEW research report. Online dating doesn't work well enough to have a real impact. At least not yet.

ii_abby · 2022-12-09T00:48:11+00:00

i can definitely see it that way. both women & men made the dating scene done for. at this rate, the only people with a chance in a relationship, are “insta baddie” women & “chads.”

Livid-Team5045 · 2022-12-09T02:33:03+00:00

This is not true. Many, many people meet online and people meet in "real life!" One just needs lots of patience and effort.

pekkauser · 2022-12-11T04:10:57+00:00

No, the amount of women on tinder and other apps, assuming we are all male, is very very low still. I think most people realize and feel meeting people organically through real life interactions cultivates the best relationships.

Abject_Bother_9761 · 2022-12-16T13:18:02+00:00

It doesn’t matter people will have to meet outside of dating apps regardless or be alone because these apps just don’t work for the vast majority of men and women. Of course the reasons they don’t work for both sexes are vastly different.

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