Youre either a monster or "not a real man" theres no in between.

hellocafe · 2023-04-13T16:54:37+00:00

Thanks a lot for this post which made me realize how my last girlfriend was not for me, as it contains 2 names my ex called me- calling me oppressive when I said I did not want an open relationship, and calling me a coward when I said I needed more time before we moved in together

StickyPLOP · 2023-04-13T17:30:10+00:00

I think one admirable trait I see in men I look up to is there ability not to care what other people think. That's not an attribute reserved solely for pieces of shit in society. Good people who are trying hard and doing their best can also choose to not give a fuck what others think of them. They know their path is the right one.

ZulutheZebra · 2023-04-13T18:17:03+00:00

What we are seeing is a very dirty war to make money that is making both genders very unhappy. Long story short, advertisers figured out at some point that male bashing was a very effective way to sell products. As a result, that ethos Christmas treed out from product sales to Television then finally to social media and modern gaming.

“Mansplaining” and other clearly sexually leveled insults became more mainstream, and with caricatures like Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin in every household , it became a favorite past time to shit on middle aged family men in particular. At the same time men were being held up as a laughingstock, women became a semi-deific figure. Always smart, funny and witty, the female protagonist is there to pick up the slack for her fumbling husband or boyfriend. Thus we have a popularly held image of women as the strong, confident and charismatic gender while the man fumbles at every task set before him by his pitying counterpart.

Then that image hits real life, and chaos ensues. Men resent being seen as bumbling, and this only gets exacerbated by their female counterpart tittering and teasing whenever he is unable to accomplish something. Conversely, we get the men that reject the bumbling label and dare to point out exactly how laughable such a scenario is in real life. These men get labeled “Incels, toxically masculine, etc.” Ironically though? Despite the overarching narrative women are generally attracted significantly more to these types, especially over the long term.

All that to say…don’t compromise who you are, especially in the hopes that it might get women interested. The whole game is a loss right now with tons of women going the boxed wine and cat route and men just wanking off, and it doesn’t look like it’s getting better anytime soon. If you really want to find a lady nowadays, you have to be very strategic and know exactly what you want and what you can compromise on.

surrealstrength · 2023-04-13T18:05:44+00:00

Every path you walk will have vermin in the way. Walk past them or crush them. But never stray away from the path

Skirt_Douglas · 2023-04-13T18:33:17+00:00

Ignore the line, you are not trying to impress all women, who cares about what women you don’t even care about thinks.

FL_4LF · 2023-04-14T01:48:36+00:00

You just do you, I'm not put on earth for anyone's entertainment. And none of us men should be caring about one's feelings. If you have a family that you love and protect. That's all that matters, fuck everyone else.

Yozora1337 · 2023-04-14T13:11:11+00:00

That's the purpose of those comments, it's to control you and make you a slave. The best thing i did was stop caring what people thought of me.

onemanstrong · 2023-04-13T20:39:26+00:00

Honestly, most people aren't thinking about you. Like at all. You're not seen as toxic, nor unambitious...you're just not seen. You don't have to walk that insanely fine line, friend...that line is mostly in your head. People are, yes, called out for being toxic, and sometimes people call laid back people lazy, but it doesn't bother you, not anymore, because you've read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations and you value your rational thoughts over others' irrational thoughts. You're welcome!

Lionheart27778 · 2023-04-14T15:02:41+00:00

Masculinity and Men in general are in a "catch 22" and are "damned if they do, damned if they don't" atm from society.

Good example is if you complain about something/open up, you are a "whining incel".

If you don't complain about something/open up, you are displaying "Toxic masculinity".

Society and rad-fems will always find something to damn you for atm. The best solution is to just act the way you want - and stop caring what they think about you.

ChrongrariusWimble · 2023-04-14T15:25:24+00:00

I think being traditionally masculine is the best option. Superficially you might be considered toxic, but when it comes down to it that's what makes people respect you.

2023-04-18T02:26:35+00:00

no wait this is so true. i feel seen by this post? some women talk about wanting a feminine cute man who will wear makeup and be a “little fruity” in their minds… yet if you do that you’re weak and unmasculine. meanwhile if u embody the opposite its “toxic masculinity” and you’re “oppressive” or a “misogynist.”

Layla-UKmom · 2023-04-19T22:25:12+00:00

I came across your post just now and it broke my heart. As a woman, I can’t say I know what you’re feeling or give you any advice as such. But I hope you know that not everyone judges you in this way even if it may seem like the majority do. Some of us love and honour masculinity in all its forms. Sending you some virtual support and love 💕

Disastrous-Star-7746 · 2023-04-20T16:48:54+00:00

Make sure you aren't the one holding yourself to this standard. Make sure you aren't just replaying quotes in your head from parents/teachers/exes.

Remember that big media is 99% propaganda and you wouldn't want their approval if you met them.

I'm struggling with these limits, too, but I do at least mentally understand the above. Just trying to incorporate a good sense of self.

You're the only person who can decide whether you're living up to whatever code or ethics you choose to live by. If you are content, don't let someone else's unfulfilled ambitions ruin it for you. If you're comfortable forgiving someone and moving on, don't let someone else's vindictiveness ruin it for you.

"No matter what your qualities are they will be seen as bad by most, decent (at best) by few and valued by none." You are 100% correct: so remember that even well meaning people will disagree. And if they aren't well meaning? "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't go to for advice."

Title	Youre either a monster or "not a real man" theres no in between.
Author	chrisdidwht
Upvotes	72
Comments	19
Date	April 13, 2023 4:47 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/12kvbjr/youre_either_a_monster_or_not_a_real_man_theres/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/youre-either-a-monster-or-not-a-real-man-theres-no.1214309 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214309

Comments