Where Are Y'all Getting Your "Advice" From?

Royal-Tip4585 · 2023-06-09T04:53:06+00:00

African mother who told me the most misogynistic stuff about women on the planet.

just_a_place · 2023-06-09T06:07:13+00:00

I get my advices from literally everywhere.

My parents
Teachers
Bosses
Colleagues
Friends
Girlfriends
Doctor
Television
Music: Exhibit A; Exhibit B; Exhibit C. just for shits and giggles
The Internet
Books
Movies
Poetry
Literature
That random old lady on the streeet
My own intelligence, experience, and contemplation of life's events
Magazines
Netflix
The News
Neighbors
Randos on the streets
Familiars closer to home

crow_in_your_garden · 2023-06-09T06:52:40+00:00

First the advice I got came from the environment I grew up in: be a good respectful guy, find a good woman for marriage, sex for sex is bad and it is not what women want.

Guess what, it didn't work. Young women wanted to have fun with others, not to have a serious relationship with me. So at 26, I was still a kissless virgin.

Then I spoke of it with many friends, men and women... and until recently, no one got why it didn't work for me or why the advices they gave me didn't work. Like "man, this girl is laughing at all your joke, she wants to spend time with you, for sure she is into you"... everytime it happened I asked the girl out, the answer always was "I like you but just as a friend".

It is only after I reached 33 that, speaking with experienced women, I finally got answers:

a good friend told me that I had everything a woman may want for a husband and the father of her kids, that I would be amazing in both roles, but that the main issue was that I wasn't hot. Her single friends dated more stupid Adonis with whom it was clear that no long term relationship was possible, or married men pretending to be about to divorce, than they dated guys with whom something was realistically possible. And the reason was, they wanted someone hot.
a girlfriend told me once that the first impression I am giving is the one of a unthreatening feminine, maybe gay, man and that it was off-putting even for her. That is when I realized that, even if women pretend to be wanting more feminine man, that is true at the societal level but rarely in their bed.

I seriously wish to have known earlier that, as a man, being hot and masculine physically and mentally was that important in dating.

SpiritualBlob · 2023-06-09T10:05:56+00:00

People on these subs, health professionals and friends. Friends often have toxic views: “just stay friends with women and one day someone will like you”. Health professionals often agree with my coping and add some nuances: “it’s okay not to be dating right now if you have a thesis deadline and you get rejected anyway”. These subs often give general advice: “groom yourself, be nice, don’t put your dick in the toaster”.

Pilling_it · 2023-06-09T11:57:32+00:00

Preface, by the time i found the pill stuff online, it just organized better things I had already figured was bullshit and other that did work. It's hard to pinpoint something exactly because a lot of stuff that you hear even when not asking or thinking about it reinforce that. Sure, most people will have had a few conversations about it, but it's at best a small part of the whole thing.

What the disparity actually come from is that conventional advice is about finding a relationship, as in the values you have to have. Because if you aren't hot, there's no advice for that if you don't have potential. And the struggle is getting that treshold, since the rest isn't really a problem once you have that done.

But it's not something you understand as a teen. Nor the person you're asking. So you ask a woman, but then she gives you advice on how she would want a man she's already attracted to act. Which makes a lot of sense. But the man that have to ask her that isn't the man she's thinking of.

So you ask a successful man, right ? Because they're thé ones that work, so obviously they must know. And if you're not an asshole about it, those dudes are really bros about it. Genuinely. But then you get the same advice, and it still doesn't work.

So you end up figuring "assholes" are the ones getting away from it, and you more or less clumsily emulate. That's where my post stop being relatable because how it goes depends on how you are. The less attractive and the older you are, the rougher it gets. And it will get worse before getting better.

Obviously, no one want an asshole, so a woman won't agree. And that's right ! But the thing is, if you want to be accurate, it's that the thing that attract them is confidence and assertiveness that come with it. The more you "get it", the better. But to a lot of those men who heard the whole environment scream to not be a threat, to not bother, all they hear is being an asshole.

I don't want to generalise my experience, but I've talked, both IRL and online, to enough men to see that I wasn't alone in feeling this. And if I can be part of the reason they'll feel less confused and in the end find peace with themselves, it's all I ask for. Because one may desire power, but peace of mind about oneself is equally as important.

GlasgaAccentfurYanks · 2023-06-09T07:08:28+00:00

My dick.

MakeAGoodManBad · 2023-06-09T10:11:10+00:00

Most dating advice I actually see is on reddit.

IRL people do say some of the same "just be confident" bullshit but mostly people dont give dating advice.

wtknight · 2023-06-09T12:28:23+00:00

I never sought advice. I just kept trying different things until I found things that work.

Ohmaygahh · 2023-06-09T15:49:04+00:00

The first advice was from my mother. I wanted to buy a red rose for a girl i really liked in 1st grade. I asked my mom for some money, she asked what I wanted it for. I told her, and she laughed and said "no, don't do that".

I said "ok, I like her, how do I get her to like me back?" My mother was unable to articulate how.

And moments like that throughout my teenage years. She was excellent about what NOT to do, but just couldn't find the words to explain what to PROACTIVELY do. And so I floundered heavily.

In my old teens I befriended a much older guy. He opened up about his first LTR. He was set to marry his high school sweetheart at age 21, but two weeks before the actual wedding, he discovered that she was secretly fucking his married bestfriend. He found the strength to break it off and banish them from his life. He attempted to become a modern day Cassanova but his face was ugly, and only understood the physical fit body aspect, and superficial "dominant" set of behaviors when talking to women in passing. His love life was 50-50, but at least it was 100% on his terms.

And so I had to develop with these impactful experiences, as well as my endless failures til college, as a base to build upon. My journey started with Sosuave.com, skimmed Mystery, attraction forums, various sites on the web, etc.

"The book of Pook" was one of the most entertaining and functional reads that put something things into perspective. From there, I read a whole lot more, which I'd love to outline but I'm at work.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-06-09T06:08:12+00:00

My mom told me I should become more athletic for more sex appeal when I was like 14 or smthn. She also said when people get into relationships they lie. That's about all I can remember. Seems pretty realistic.

HazyMemory7 · 2023-06-09T21:05:07+00:00

goodlookingloser, killyourinnerloser

These are self improvement websites from men in the space pre-social media manosphere. Their personal anecdotes in particular were really helpful.

And also TRP r/theredpill. The sub is a shell of it's former self, but the advice is all still there in the sidebar. It's a lot more grounded than what the redpill is these days. More emphasis on accepting what is/not being upset at female nature.

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daddysgotanew · 2023-06-10T13:48:13+00:00

Never got much advice from anyone. Figured it all out myself for the most part. Got involved with a BPD girl at 19, which was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me. Got redpilled hard and fast at that tender age; and honestly it probably saved my life.

Title	Where Are Y'all Getting Your "Advice" From?
Author	Purple_Cruncher_123
Upvotes	8
Comments	16
Date	June 9, 2023 4:10 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/144ut7e/where_are_yall_getting_your_advice_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/where-are-yall-getting-your-advice-from.1221689 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221689

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