Hello fellow divorced, I love this sub and it has helped through my divorce, nearly 4 years ago now after being married 20 years. I have 2 kids, 22 done with college and 18 just graduated high school.

My ex violated our custody agreement, alienated both kids, withdrew my son from HS without my permission, withdrew him from counseling in violation of our agreement etc. she is a complete narcissist and I avoid contact at all costs.
Both of my kids went a few years without speaking to me and seeing me due to the brainwashing and alienation. My relationship with my older kid has improved and she is older and sees the truth.

My son is going to college. I control the college funds. I won that in court as my ex mismanaged the funds for kid #1. Our agreement says we need to collaborate with our kid on choice of college etc. my son has ghosted me since the holidays last year, I was not involved in his choice of colleges. I asked my ex to split accepted student visits so I could goto half with the kid, she told me to pound sand. So now tuition is due. I told my ex she and my kid violated the agreement but not having all of us involved in the process and choice etc and I would not be paying anything until my kid and I sat down and discussed our relationship going forward and worked out a new arrangement.
Instead of me paying for all of college I was going to propose a 3 way split with the ex and the kid.
Tuition is now due and he is calling and texting me about it. I have been offering for weeks and months to sit down and he has just ghosted me. So do I hold firm, not pay anything until he steps up in our relationship and then propose a fair deal? Or do I give in and pay the tuition and keep the entitlement of the kid and the ex going? Background I was the sole bread winner in our married and have the money so it’s not going to affect me. I’m not trying to be hard on the kid because I know he was brainwashed by the narcissist but he is almost 19 and needs to learn about life and stand on his own two feet. My ex coddles and control parents. My kid hasn’t been to my new place I’ve had for 18 months or met my GF who I live with and dated over 2 years. He and my ex refused my every other weekend custody and I had to goto court 3 times but he finally turned 18. Sorry if this was too long winded?