Revenge fantasies are fueled by reality and anecdotal evidence.

Revenge fantasies are fueled by reality and anecdotal evidence.

Before starting, I apologize for any typos.

I can read and understand writing fairly well, but I'm terrible at writing, listening, and speaking. I write with the help of Google Translate.

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Much is said about "revenge fantasies" as a form of opposition when someone says that men will look better at 30 and therefore have better options for women to choose from, this idea of ​​revenge fantasies can be real or just unfairly attributed to "nice guy" rejected at 20. However I don't think it's a good opposition, because "revenge fantasy" and "reality" are not mutually exclusive. The 20-year-old when he says this is precisely because he is present in his daily life observing others, while the 30-year-old man who says this is referring to others and himself.

First, let's talk about the anecdotal evidence:

I (31M) was an outcast in high school, not anymore, and about to marry a younger woman;

• My entire group of friends who date date women 4/8 years younger, and most of them were also high school rejects. The others are single.
• A significant part of the girls in my church who date, chose men ~5 years older, and they justify this by citing their maturity, according to those I talked to, they made this choice due to the feeling of physical and economic protection they convey . This is the same motivation as my female friends, who date my male friends;
• Many 20~25 year old guys parcel a bike at 36x and use it to hang out with 17/18 year old high school girls, they pick it up on the way out of class, and get the most popular girls that not even high school alphas average can. High school rejects see this happen often, it was like that in my high school days and it's still like that today;
• I've had cases of older women hitting on me at my old office job, as well as 17-year-old female students hitting on me at my teaching job (I'm a teacher by night, software developer by day). These same girls rejected boys younger and better looking than me.
• It seems like a completely different life when looks of contempt or pity are replaced by looks of respect, sympathy and attraction, and such a change of look accompanies his transformation from a hunchbacked and skinny teenager to a man who has gained fat, muscles, beard , maturity and money.
• Just look and you realize that the 30-year-old man has numerous advantages over the 20-year-old:
  • Greater body consistency, which gives a feeling of physical protection (more muscle and fat);
  • Greater maturity;
  • More money (Which gives a sense of economic protection);
• Ironically, it is easier for a 30-year-old single mother to woo an incel than a childless man with other options.

Faced with these anecdotes, sincere doubts arise:

• What motivates the use of the concept of 'revenge fantasies' as an argument?
• Why don't you think it's an illusion to believe that this argument can convince a 20 year old boy when what he sees around him says otherwise?
• Why don't you think it's an illusion to believe that this argument can convince a 30-year-old man, when your own life tells you otherwise?
• What would be the alternative argument to "revenge fantasies" that actually contradicts the "anecdotal evidence"? (These two things are not mutually exclusive)

I know that anecdotal evidence is not science, but realistically speaking, we are all heavily influenced by it, and drawing conclusions from it is actually very useful as long as it's done sincerely and not intended to deceive yourself.