Hello all,

My boyfriend and I met as coworkers on an entrepreneurship project before we ever started dating. In his country people insult each other as a cultural / banter thing, even women take it/tolerate (feminists, “cool girls” etc). Back then he called me an idiot jokingly once and I told him to never do it again, to which he agreed but didn’t still understand as he meant it jokingly, (ie don’t do that idiot). Anyway fast-forward one year later, we’ve been dating for the majority of this year and he treats me quite well (feel free to look at my other posts). However we joke around w ea other a lot in a banterish way, and it’s usually never hurtful or disrespectful , and if it is I stop it right there. However today I fell asleep as he was driving (I usually do) and he said that I was useless as a copilot. I told him I didn’t like that and he apologized and said he was joking. Like 20 minutes later he called me a dumbass for something—again in a joking way but this time I got mad and left him behind (we were at a mall and were supposed to shop for his stuff together). We don’t live together but are currently vacationing together so we had to return together. I explained to him that I’ve asked him to not do it before, that I will not tolerate it, etc., and he said that he was really sorry, and to have patience with him with those things as he does with me. I will not get into details but I can veryyy annoying sometimes , especially in our shared job, (working on it), and he is patient,remains stoic, works with me and tells me he loves me as I am, etc. He was upset/mad after this incident because it’s true that I can often be highly intolerant about any small comment I don’t like, and said he would stop being so patient with me if I can’t have any grace w him (he was angry, in the heat of the moment etc). The thing is, those words DO hurt and I’m not ok with them, and because he treats me well and claims to mean it jokingly, he doesn’t see it as humiliating as I do. I’ve been not my best lately so this has been really bad timing but I still think it’s valid. Thoughts? Thanks!