First Date? Tinder?

MirriMazDuur · 2021-08-21T17:52:06+00:00

If you are in a foreign culture, then you need so subject to it. I can't exactly speak for Paris, but if you came to Romania expecting men to pay for a dinner date then you'd either get no date or get treated like a sugar baby. Is this what you want though? Because you ended your post by asking for a man to "support" you, who needs to be 30+ years to be able to have the big money you expect, but also must dutifuly wait for 2 months to get intimate with you. It's uhhh ... not a good plan. Are you looking to get married or just for some money? I mean you can get either one, but which is it? Advice will depend on your answer

CountTheBees · 2021-08-21T15:06:57+00:00

Paris might be a culture shock. I don't know what it's like but maybe ask your French friends (when you make them) what the dating customs are, whether guys go Dutch frequently. Especially since Paris is large and metropolitan, women might be expected to pay their own way.

This article seems to imply that "dates" aren't even a thing in France: https://www.mytwentycents.com/dating-french-man-abroad/

So, yeah, everything you heard on those YouTube channels may be totally unapplicable.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-08-21T16:38:05+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man to take you out to dinner (I prefer it too), but it’s worth thinking about it from all angles.

You want a man who will pay for dinner, and what will you offer him in return? The company of a pretty woman isn’t always enough. Make sure you brush up on your conversation topics related to what he’s interested in (that you can establish before the date). Dress well. If you’re engaging, enjoyable to be around, and you make him feel good, he’s more likely to want to treat you.

Consider also that he may be wary of women these days and would prefer to offer to pay for dinner rather than a woman expect he pays. This expectation might scare him off - does this mean he is a man who wouldn’t treat you well? There’s not enough data to say. He could just be wary, but while being selective, don’t be so selective that you’re passing over good men in favor of just ones who’ll pay. It’s fine if you don’t want to do drinks, but it wouldn’t hurt to be open to other options - a walk by the water, a museum date, perhaps something else activity-based?

I say this because I’ve known both dickish guys who will pay for every meal every time, and great guys who start slow before ramping up and taking care of their girl more.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, so use that. Don’t let men hold their money over your head, and don’t let that make you do things you don’t want to do. Even if a guy will outright deny it, if he’s paying for dinner, he will have some form of expectation, so be wary of that as well. Stick to your guns.

SunshineSundress · 2021-08-21T21:28:36+00:00

However, all these High Value women channels that I watch emphasize to NOT go on any first date that is not dinner, as this signals low effort from the beginning and will be difficult to change them.

So their approach to becoming a HVW is to artificially inflate their own value by setting arbitrary demands that act as a barrier to entry for men who haven’t even spent time to get know them yet?

If that’s the case, the assumption is that being a (pretty) woman is all it takes to being a HVW, or that being a woman entitles you to better treatment. Expecting a higher level of effort from a man before he has even met you (because it seems like your main approach to dating will be from dating apps) seems unproductive for you, because you’re gonna end up selecting against some good men by accident AND end up wasting your time with some bad men just because they fronted the first date costs.

He DOESN’T know you yet and has no idea what your character, femininity, disposition, and values are like. He won’t know until after the first (and maybe second and third) date. So expecting him to see you as a HVW and expecting him to treat you like one from the get-go before you’ve shown him that you are may come off as entitled and leave a bitter aftertaste in a lot of men’s mouths. I don’t know if this strategy is that effective in Paris OR the US.

Jenneapolis · 2021-08-21T16:16:54+00:00

I just agree with the drinks opinion. I prefer a shorter first date - drinks or a walk - because if I don’t like him, I can leave more quickly. If you invest in dinner, you are investing in a certain amount of time with somebody that you may not like. I’ve been at even just drinks with somebody I can’t wait to get away from.

DunboyCastleInTheSky · 2021-08-21T11:28:56+00:00

Other apps like Bumble, Hinge, Christian Mingle, or Match.com would give you a better selection of men to choose from. I did meet my husband on Tinder though.

I agree with the recommendation to go to dinner instead of drinks. They’re most likely inviting you to drinks in the hope that you’ll lower your inhibitions as you drink and they may get lucky.

linkofinsanity19 · 2021-08-21T14:27:23+00:00

I notice a lack of anyone making a case from the other side. Some men do drinks only first because there are women that will take advantage of them doing dinner dates and just trying to get free meals. My 2 cents, you shouldn't rule out a date for drinks if the guy is checking your other boxes. You should be capable of deciding for yourself whether a date is a waste of time relatively early into it.

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-08-21T12:02:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

orangerose18 · 2021-08-21T15:29:42+00:00

Drinks are a red flag. Drinks are meant to lower inhibitions and create false intimacy and make you more likely to sleep with them. Stupid decisions are made while tipsy. You’re right to stay away from them. Culture difference or no, never be vulnerable around a stranger.

Oh. You’re broke. Don’t date until you can support yourself and afford a couple weekly extras. Dating is not mandatory, it’s an activity you do once you’re an established human. Never go on a date banking on the man to pay, if things go awry you should always be able to pay for yourself and Uber yourself home.

_johnfketamine · 2021-08-21T17:09:26+00:00

I met my fiancé on tinder. We went bar hopping for our first date.

ChrimsonChin988 · 2021-08-22T08:31:15+00:00

It's hilarious to me (as a male) that you are 'not planning to sleep with them for at least a couple of months after meeting so that should weed out any unwanted men lol'.

Unless you are an absolute fkn smokeshow no man with some sort of a backbone is going to put up with that unless he's religiously raised. Because what you are proposing is my time/attention for... nothing?

'I'd love for someone to help me out when we go out' Yeah you're basically looking for a man to foot the bill while giving nothing in return. Your asking price is way too high lady, unless like I said, you are a fkn smokeshow. For an average looking or even pretty lady this kind of attitude/mentality is not going to fly but you will find out.

lady-dragon-fire · 2021-08-22T19:25:25+00:00

I’ve only ever had bad experiences using dating apps In Europe. Most guys see a foreign girl on Tinder as an easy hook up. You’re better off meeting someone through school.

Title	First Date? Tinder?
Author	Consistent_Sleep_341
Upvotes	6
Comments	64
Date	August 21, 2021 9:23 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/p8og4n/first_date_tinder/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/first-date-tinder.1059064 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059064

Comments