Advice for young girls seeking commitment

Hello ladies,

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately about girls struggling to get commitment. I’m about to get engaged after only 11 months of dating (known each other thru work for about 1.3 yrs and having lived in the same city for only 9 months). And I’m 24 btw. It’s a long story as to why I say about to get engaged vs engaged—feel free to read my other posts—and it could all fall apart, sure, but I doubt it highly and even if it did I would use this advice on myself to attract a husband. I’ve had to cut it bc Reddit wouldn’t let me post it bc of length

Edit: see comment below about men being like cabs. If he isn’t ready, NONE of this will matter! He’s just not

1-looks matter. Most men love a natural average face girl as long as she has a banging body. So get a banging body. Get in shape. You will feel and look amazing. This is a must. There are so many hot fit young girls out there, why would he settle for one who isn’t and why would you not be your best self? Beyond this learn what colors work for you, makeup, clothing, and hair wise. No, blonde isn’t always best, depending on your undertones, contrast levels, etc. Study beauty, it pays off trust me, plus it’s really fun. Just be your best physical self that is as natural looking as possible, but also gorgeous :) I work as a content creator so I do a bit of injectables which help me be more confident. For me they’ve made a huge difference but aren’t necessary by any means.

2-Don’t be a doormat. Men don’t want to marry one and won’t respect one. Here’s who they do respect…a woman with boundaries and standards. For me that meant no sex before being bf/gf and not living together before engagement, and smaller but equally important things like him paying dates, him respecting my alone time, etc. Decide what are yours and do not settle. It took me 3 lonely years of 0 sex or intimacy to find what I wanted and I do not regret it, plus it made me more valuable in his eyes. Especially considering that I was dating a lot during that time and the temptation to hook up with high value men was high.

3-Surrender/let him lead. This has been a struggle for me as I grew up feminist and independent etc but I’m slowly unlearning and seeing the benefits. My own partner constantly asks me to just surrender to him and trust him/receive him. It feels scary but good. I recommend Laura Doyle whom I picked up from this sub :)

4-Bring value. Your value is in your loyalty, in the peace and healing energy and radiance and femininity that you bring. This is invaluable to men. If he wants a woman who knows how to cook (most men do even if they don’t say it) and you don’t know how (me) learn. This will show him you care about fulfilling him. Anticipate his needs, refill his coffee, water, etc.

5-Brings me to sex. (Once committed) Enjoy it! And become as good as you can especially with bj’s and don’t turn him down frequently. I struggle with the notion that men like variety and I’m only one woman (and he no longer watches porn), so I’ve been trying to implement role playing but I am insecure in the variety aspect, so any advice would be appreciated.

6-Brings me to age gap. My bf is 9 years older. He still has a sex drive of course but Is extremely focused on our business unlike my ex who was my same age and only cared about sex. I recommend dating older, especially over 31, as these are the age when (some) men decide they want to start a family etc. However know you’ll have to give up some things as a result (mindless partying or juvenile immature things). I sometimes struggle with the maturity part, but the point is that you should both be mature and understanding of exactly what you want, what your values are, and what you’d give up vs what you wouldn’t.

7-Inspire him and always be improving. The grind never ends. It can be exhausting but rewarding. We cannot settle in this life, we must always be pursuing our higher/best self. This means different thing to different people and it should never be pursued for a man, but rather for yourself. However this will also keep them interested and likewise improving himself. Inspire them to be their best version. Support him and believe in his vision. And if he wants kids and has told you, tell him you can’t wait to raise his beautiful children and that you believe in him, etc. Men need this from their women. I too struggle with being negative sometimes but it’s a learning process.

8-Respect his space / alone time/ time with friends. Don’t be always pursuing him. I don’t have friends at the moment but I am introverted and require alone time to recharge so this helps.

9-Embrace who you are. In a world of constant comparison bc of social media and endless femininity content / advice, if you’re like me you can feel as if you aren’t feminine enough or cool enough or wifey enough. Interesting though, it’s not being some cookie cutter spineless girl that is attractive (to the right guy) but one who is authentic and comfortable with her shadows and flaws. My voice sounds a bit like Jennifer Lawrence’s depth wise and I’m 5’6 while boyfriend is 5’8.5, so I often struggle with feeling like this feminine flower. However there is not one size fits all and we are meant to embrace our unique attributes. Still working on this but I try to keep it in mind.

10-Lower standards. Not in a settle way but in a “marry him” by lorry gotlieb way. We all want Michele Morrone but 95% of us aren’t anywhere near his “market value”. And let me tell you, most of us would be miserable with a man like that. It’s good to be humble about ourselves when we fall into an excessively hypergamous mentality (I suppose same with men with polygamy). My bf isn’t rich but he is a natural leader, ambitious, hard working, has a vision and comes from a good somewhat wealthy family. I have faith that with my support to his vision we can make it.

11-Finally. Cultivate a sense of destiny and/or religious faith. Both trust in the process instead of desperately seeking, and look out for signs/the chain of life/God that will bring you to him (check out The Alchemist). He’ll likely notice too and it’ll only make the relationship more valuable. And let it be his idea on the timing / commitment steps. You don’t want to trap someone who isn’t ready.

Hope this helped even if only a bit. Best of luck :)