I feel like I’m doing more than my fair share in my relationship. Any advice?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2023-09-18T18:51:36+00:00

Sorry to be blunt, but you have an 8 month old with a man you’ve been dating for 2 years? So you got pregnant around 6-8 months into your relationship and kept it?

He is unemployed, you got pregnant before a year of dating, you live together, you’re not married, and he’s lazy. You have failed every vetting portion of this sub.

is it possible to turn this around?

Maybe, but very unlikely. Your foundation is really terrible.

StunningSort3082 · 2023-09-18T16:26:14+00:00

Is there a reason he isn’t working?

The_Dragon_Chief · 2023-09-18T16:32:02+00:00

You’ve probably commonly heard that when women are seeking a man, they want someone who is “ambitious”. Ambitious is a somewhat vague word that some people misconstrue as relating to high amounts of wealth. Ambition is a trait that pertains to all facets of life including career, housework, childcare and leading a relationship.

If he does not express a desire to do any of those things, he lacks ambition (or his ambition lies elsewhere). This can be really difficult to change and most times, must come from within, akin to quitting smoking. It’s difficult to explain that you want your boyfriend to be a captain, without hurting him, by implying that he currently is not one. You best would know how to craft this conversation with him.

You can use methods such as leaving things undone or even asking for outside help to demonstrate that things aren’t being taken care of to your standards without directly addressing it. Directly addressing it may solidify your captain role which I know is not the goal. Possibly introducing TRP readings that resonate with you, with him, may put his mind on a similar track as yours.

Ultimately, there are a few things you can do to help but, this transformation has to be his own.

Edit: These things could seriously be a dealbreaker for the relationship and would rightfully be so. However, leading with a “threat” of breaking up can have adverse effects and should only be said when all other options have failed.

Jenneapolis · 2023-09-18T23:13:09+00:00

I was really prepared at the beginning of your post to support your unconventional relationship. Then I read the rest of it. The message you have sent him from the beginning of the relationship by living with him, having a baby with him, and doing everything is that you are ok with it, otherwise a woman with other options would generally not sign up for this.

Trying to use Laura Doyle’s methods to fix a situation like this is not what it’s intended for. She presumes you vetted this man first which you didn’t. Being submissive , respectful, and fun and light is not going to solve the problems you have.

If his unemployment is temporary, the question is will you be OK with this even when he goes back to work? When he’s bringing home a paycheck, is it still OK for him to do nothing else? At what point are you willing to walk away? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. He is not going to change, he has no motivation to, he already has everything he wants from you without having to give anything and it’s been this way from the beginning for him. You either need to swallow that an accept it or not.

One-Introduction-566 · 2023-09-18T16:27:12+00:00

Yeah, this doesn’t sound like a good arrangement. He needs to pull his weight. You are doing everything, at this point you need to have a serious conversation about how it might not work out if he doesn’t get more involved. You need to figure out how that would look for both of you. Unless he’s doing the majority of the housework and childcare, he needs to get a job. Like at minimum since it seems even when you ask him to help around more, he doesn’t make any meaningful changes.

Tbh if he can’t idk how you can keep going. He doesn’t seem to be adding much to the relationship/family, it’s going to cause resentment on your end, and he seems like he needs a real push to change because rn he knows he can get away with doing little because you’ll take care of him.

AutoModerator · 2023-09-18T16:09:57+00:00

Title: I feel like I’m doing more than my fair share in my relationship. Any advice?

Full text: I’m new here and and am very interested in TRP approach. I’m very familiar with Laura Doyle and have been applying her skills from The Empowered Wife to my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. We live together and have an 8 month old.

I need help around household/life responsibilities. I cover the vast majority of our expenses (he has given me money a few times when asked), he currently is not working, we live in my house, and both drive my car. I also do the vast majority of the housework and childcare.

I’ve been using “I can’t” and leaving things undone for some stuff and that has worked, but other things I don’t want to leave undone bc it’s an inconvenience for me.

I regularly ask for his help and he always agrees, but sometimes forgets. I refuse to nag or ask repeatedly. I regularly express gratitude for anything I see that he does do.

I’m wearing myself thin trying to keep up with it all. I would truly love to have a captain/first mate dynamic in our relationship, but right now I feel like I’m the captain and I don’t want to be!

Is it possible to turn this around??

TIA

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06534956 · 2023-09-19T03:08:40+00:00

It’s possible, but it’ll take some time.

Title	I feel like I’m doing more than my fair share in my relationship. Any advice?
Author	Frosty_Extension_600
Upvotes	5
Comments	23
Date	September 18, 2023 4:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16lzo7y/i_feel_like_im_doing_more_than_my_fair_share_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-feel-like-im-doing-more-than-my-fair-share-in-my.1232269 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232269

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