Hello, I 46 have been with my wife 44 for 19 years married for 6. We have 4 kids 13 and under. We have been having issues ever since our first child was born. All of a sudden my best friend turned into a completely different person. I understand her motivation, she wanted to be the best mom possible and focused all of her attention on our child. Things were rocky and we almost split up when our first child was around 2 1/2. We tried working on our relationship and I tried to address her issues. They were mostly along the lines of I need to grow up like she did and devote all of my time and energy to our kid. While we were trying to work on our relationship along comes kid #2 and the cycle starts over except now she is a stay at home mom. Every time she would get pregnant she would put a stop to all sexual intimacy. She would not be interested until she was about done breastfeeding, so 18 months + dry spell every time. We had always talked about having kids a minimum of 2 and a maximum of 4. Her biggest complaints were that I didn’t do enough around the house, even though I have always told her that I am willing to do whatever she needs. She would get mad that the shower was dirty and that I didn’t notice or that I didn’t vacuum often enough or dust often enough without her asking me.

We were both in the restaurant industry and after she wanted to be a stay at home mom she also wanted to homeschool our kids. I worked 3 jobs to pay for everything and to save money. Eventually I was able to get a really good job with an electric utility but it was a significant pay cut so I kept bartending in the side to try and bridge the gap. It was really nice to be home 5 nights a week and to have holidays off and insurance for the family.

Over the next 6 years I was depleting our savings little by little and was pretty stressed out to be the only income for 6 people After our 4th child was born we had an opportunity to move into my grandparents house after they both passed away. We would only have to pay for property tax and homeowners insurance. This would save us in excess of $1k a month and we would be in a bigger house. I was stoked to finally be able to save money but she was not excited to move 45 min away to a less desirable area. Her compromise was to go back to work and she has been doing great working 4 nights a week for the last 2 years. We have been able to replenish our savings and are in a much better financial position. I get home and she goes to work, I make dinner for the kids take them to their martial arts classes bathe them clean up after the day and get them in bed. Last week she gave me an ultimatum that if she doesn’t see me stepping up and doing more then she is done and wants a divorce. I am crushed. I have been working hard to provide for our family and I am just getting negativity and criticism at every turn. Lately her biggest complaint is that I forget to take things out of the freezer to defrost for dinner 2 nights before. We have worked together to make a weekly dinner calendar that hangs in the kitchen. I have ADHD and struggle with planning things and remembering to complete tasks. I try to remedy this using lists and reminder notes. She is super organized and remembers absolutely every detail going back years. I feel a lot of resentment from her towards me and have for the last 10 years… Sorry for the rant, I guess I just needed to vent