Am I wrong to absolutely despise my own parents? I just can't get the "you're not good enough" shit out of my head

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-02-04T11:19:34+00:00

Okay, so it's the chicken or the egg. Is it their fault or their parents fault or their parent's parents fault? In the end, at 37 here, it doesn't matter. I can blame them for everything but then I wouldn't learn from THEIR mistakes.

And if I blame them, I'm the victim. And I can't empower myself to be better if I'm too invested in hating them. And if I hate them, I can't fill that emotional hole they didn't fill properly. And thus I stay a man child until the end of my days.

OR

I can pay attention to the success I want, have gotten and plot my way forward in a way that builds my self image IN SPITE of my childhood.

[deleted] · 2018-02-04T12:56:54+00:00

Your parents love you and they want the very best for you. Sure they may do it wrong, but compare yourself to some poor black guy from the projects with a single mum who cannot give him what your parents give you. You need to win them over, get Machiavellian. Start smashing out body weight routines until you look more muscular, then explain you need to take it to the next level. Eat right and share your enthusiasm with your dad. Ask him to join you at the park for some exercise. Figure it out and turn their love and care for you towards your own choices. Dude, so many guys here do not have parents who care so much, it is a valuable resource, use it

WideawakeMind · 2018-02-04T11:50:57+00:00

Stereotypical Asian immigrant kid problem.

Parents are too culturally Asian, with collectivist, anti-individualistic, authoritarian, anti-autonomous, overprotective, ultraconservative, anti-libertarian, antihedonistic, and over-academically oriented world views and values, whereas the kids are trying to fit in with whites and embrace the libertarian, individualistic, hedonistic culture of the West but failing to do so because of the obstruction, dissents and disapproval from their parents.

Your experiences are completely normal for an Asian immigrant kid like you. The best thing for you to do is get a job and move out asap and live your own life. Otherwise u'll be one of those 30 year old asian guys who still obey their mama and papa.

redhawkes · 2018-02-04T11:23:29+00:00

From young my parents have instilled this whole "you're not number 1 so you're not good enough"

Aka inferiority complex, and it become self fulfilling prophecy cos you believed their opinion to be true.

Stop seeking external validation/approval, and do your shit. Stop comparing to others, you can't be someone else, only the best version of yourself.

I just fucking hate them for what they've done to me.

Fucks that shit. It won't get you anywhere. Own your shit, you already realize that bullshit they are telling you ain't working and goes against your benefit. Stop stepping on your own dick and move out.

Also, read The Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, it'll change your life, especially with those kind of limiting beliefs you internalized.

thefightingfirst · 2018-02-04T11:53:03+00:00

They’ll respect you eventually once you start living your own life and don’t give a fuck what they think. As long as they feel you’re begging for their acceptance, they’ve got the upper hand. My mother was a bit like that, but not half as bad, yet it still took me years to regain/rebuild my confidence. Create some distance, move out, do your own thing. And lift! :-)

Andorli · 2018-02-04T11:54:41+00:00

Until you can get finances to support yourself stick it out. If they "insult" you somehow know that it is not you and actually their projections. Basically every time you hear some bullshit out of their mouth just go uh huh thanks and move on to whatever you are doing. As soon as you get money, leave and don't look back for validation of your life. Either they will realize their mistakes or resent you for "abandoning" them. Either way doesn't matter, its your life.

TankVet · 2018-02-04T12:42:38+00:00

As you get older, you’ll realize that your parents standards of success (mine was “be good at everything”) or outside metrics for success (GPA, test scores, class ranking) are really quite insignificant in the real world.

“Peak Performance” was a good book on maintaining success at a high level without burnout.

The truth is that you’ll never change them, so don’t worry about it. Seek and find what kind of success makes you happy and satisfied and fulfilled and pursue yours rather than theirs.

RedwallAllratuRatbar · 2018-02-04T12:49:23+00:00

My stance - this upbringing will work great with some kids and fail miserably with other ones. If a kid is born jerk go getter psychopat this upbringing will help him :D

jm51 · 2018-02-04T14:13:06+00:00

I used to be angry with my parents. Until I realised that their childhood was absolute shit compared to mine.

Not only that, all 4 of my grandparents had a far worse childhood than my parents did.

A lot of RP wisdom relates to having the ability to walk away. You won't be a grown up until you can mentally walk away from their lack of parenting skills.

mjuntunen · 2018-02-04T15:38:59+00:00

The bible tells us to honor our mother and father. Nowhere does it say we have to like or love them.

Your parents went through a lot to birth and raise you. You should acknowledge that sacrifice and honor them for that. Beyond that, you have to do what is best for you.

MattyAnon · 2018-02-04T16:37:49+00:00

Take one instance when after being introduced to the redpill I asked them if they would help pay for a gym membership and all I got was "that's stupid" and "what a waste of money"

You gotta realise this is NORMAL.

Your parents (both of them) were raised at the tail end of "just be yourself and get married", something that benefited women more than men but both sides bought into that shit.

"you're not number 1 so you're not good enough" thing into my head

This sucks. But hey it's your life, take responsibility for it. Prove them wrong.

I'm constantly depressed trying to reach number 1 and top 1% doesn't suit me.

Yeah, learn to let this shit go.

Anything not academic related they've shit on time and time again. Th

Ignoring is best plan.

This isn't normal

It is fairly normal.

Likely your father is beta and your mother is controlling - both agree that men should be second place and they project this onto you.

It's just fucking impossible to accept myself with the 20 years of conditioning they've put into my hea

Stop blaming them, and take responsibility for yourself. Yes it's hard. Yes you have work to do. But this is YOUR LIFE.

I know my parents mean the best,

Not really. A lot of what parents do to their children is wishful thinking. They want a better world for themselves, so they teach their children to be nice. This is obviously against the child's best interests.

But hey... guess what... almost ALL parents do this. So suck it up snowflake and live your motherfucking life.

I just fucking hate them for what they've done to me.

It's not permanent, you can fix and improve YOURSELF. Quit blaming them and build your life.

SkorchZang · 2018-02-04T17:36:27+00:00

That may be the wrong question to be asking yourself OP. If your parents are great people and you despise them, then you're doing them an injustice. If they're terrible and you're a great person, then they are doing YOU an injustice...So which is it...Well, let's spend enormous energies daily to examine your entire life in excruciating detail and make a tally... It is this, this fundamentally blue-pilled justice based thinking that is messing your shit up.

Caught in this loop, you will continually search for clues as to who is right, who is wrong, and feel bad for the injustices you have been dealt. This is the state of a trapped animal. Continuous low-grade anxiety will become the substrate of your entire existence. Events and people who trespass against invisible and incomprehensible subconscious boundaries will produce explosive aggression and/or panic from you. All completely out of proportion to the events at hand. It's a very common blue-pill neurosis, something you get to work on and gradually iron out.

Remind yourself that "justice" is the wrong question to pursue in life, or you'll be a dog chasing your own tail and never find peace, strength, beauty.

Work on it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrxRgpsrpGg

Iron it out, walk out victorious, without disdain or a chip on your shoulder. Do this, and it will not matter who was right and who was wrong. Red Pill truth is always like that.

treeme100 · 2018-02-04T18:10:42+00:00

Trust me I understand where you are coming from. I'm 21,Asian and still live st home since I'm going to community College. I understand your struggle, I know this is going to sound dumb but in our culture it is very important to respect your parents but you can't put all the blame on them. Just don't let it get to your head man, I dismiss any insults they throw my way anymore because quite frankly I don't take them seriously but if they tell me to do something I will still obey them as a sign of respect. I live under their house therefore their rules.

Moreofmore · 2018-02-04T20:16:17+00:00

Check out raised by narcissists. Also, this is some messed up mind stuff. It takes a lot of help to disconnect and fix things. You have to own yourself and your choices and really let them go on their influence on you.

evenfurtherbeyond511 · 2018-02-05T02:31:27+00:00

If I’m not mistaken, I think your resentment is due to the fact that you don’t have a life of your own yet. You still feel like you’re under their thumb. You should feel better once you have your own life and you are not answerable to them.

aaasssaaa11 · 2018-02-06T00:32:53+00:00

yo, faggot. move out. i cringed at what you said about them not paying for your membership. fork out your own $10 a week if you have to. jesus christ. move out, grow up

TheReformist94 · 2018-02-04T16:36:47+00:00

No you're not wrong. Tell em to fuck off and try your best in life.love is conditional.

minoc_uo · 2018-02-04T15:33:36+00:00

I get where you are coming from, but there are a lot worse parents out there man.

Nodeal_reddit · 2018-02-05T04:18:14+00:00

Hey man, as a parent, all I can say is that you should do your own thing, but cut your parents some slack. They’re doing what they know, and all of their fuckups and bad vibes come from ignorance, not malice. It looks like they are immigrants, but even if they aren’t, they’re just acting based off what they know. I think you’re on the right track, but just remember that they love you, even if it’s not obvious.

Title	Am I wrong to absolutely despise my own parents? I just can't get the "you're not good enough" shit out of my head
Author	Acquin
Upvotes	23
Comments	26
Date	February 4, 2018 10:47 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7v641a/am_i_wrong_to_absolutely_despise_my_own_parents_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/am-i-wrong-to-absolutely-despise-my-own-parents-i.123309 https://theredarchive.com/post/123309

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