What to do after you've played too hard to get and how to

StunningSort3082 · 2023-09-28T15:20:04+00:00

This sounds like it was written by a 12 year old and not an adult.

Ask him to grab a cup of coffee or a cupcake or go for a walk to find crunchy leaves. If he says no, then leave him alone. If he says yes, when you’re together tell him you want to hit the reset button because you’d like to get to know him better, but you feel like maybe there’s some weird vibes going on.

We aren’t in pre-industrial revolution times here. Smiling and batting your eyes at a guy doesn’t signal “omg ask me if I want to court you.”

Jenneapolis · 2023-09-28T14:45:59+00:00

Men never respond to the way you are trying to express interest because it legitimately seems like you’re not interested. In fact I’d say this is middle or high school stuff so it’s good you are recognizing now it’s counterproductive. You have to put yourself in his shoes, what do you expect him to do, approach you out of the blue and ask you out when you avoid eye contact with him and look away? He does not want to face rejection either and you are coming off like you don’t like him so it’s not even on his radar to try. In fact, if there was some sort of vibe in the beginning that it could be something and then he feels like you pulled back, this is probably why you are seeing some sort of anger and so you are going to need to do a lot of repair to get him to open back up.

I would suggest that you find opportunities to talk to him in general. You don’t have to overtly flirt but try to find things that you both like to talk about in common whether it’s school or music or whatever you both like. Just start initiating conversations to make the environment more friendly and smile a lot. Then eventually maybe there will be an event you can suggest going to together or an opportunity to give him your number or he will ask.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-09-28T17:35:44+00:00

>If you're a mid twenties guy and a girl looks away from you and can't hold eye contact, blushes and whispers to her friends after you talk to her etc. can you really not pick up that she actually likes you?

Same thing a gossip does. And no, many can not. You're trying to send him psychic brain waves when you have a mouth and he has ears.

>like any person I fear rejection

You're so close to figuring it out here! Fears are something to be overcome, not to be coddled.

> I definitely cannot outright share my feelings

Why not? You know that's the answer.

Suitable_Ad5971 · 2023-09-29T01:08:08+00:00

Okay, stop all the silly childish games. If you like him, ok, let him know like a normal adult.

Its such a huge post for nothing.

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 2023-09-28T22:00:39+00:00

Just smile at him and say "hi!" and ask how he is. That's all you need to do.

If you can't bring yourself to do that, then you're not mature enough to date.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-09-28T22:23:06+00:00

Why don’t you talk to him without coded language or hidden intentions? You are the one that seems to like the ambiguity

buni223 · 2023-09-29T06:00:35+00:00

Honestly this is a little dramatic for something so simple. I get where you’re coming from but you’re overthinking a crazy amount and learning to relax and not overthink is a very important skill for the future, and especially regarding men. I feel like at 22, you should have the skills (self-confidence, maturity, rationality) to go up to this guy, who isn’t a stranger but a friend, and talk to him about it. Why don’t you just say you’re sorry for coming off cold, that you thought he was pissed at you, and that you want to go back to being cool again? And then after that make it a point to talk to him more, possibly ask if he’s doing anything later and wants to hang out? Stuff like this should be easy to nip in the butt at this point since he’s technically still just a friend and not someone you’re dating. Relax and talk to him.

thedawnfrisian · 2023-09-29T07:44:53+00:00

In my opinion you should stop trying to manage your conversations/interactions with him through the grapevine and your mutual friends.

If you don’t want to straightforwardly tell him you like it. Just spend more time talking to him and spend more time alone with him.

You said are nervous around him, this is a good thing and you need to overcome this feeling (the same thing he is doing).

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-09-29T07:02:25+00:00

If you really want to release the tension, you could always apologize for having been such a bitch to him. At least that’s how I’m reading “ I stayed upset longer, and became distant/cold towards him.”

It can be a simple as “hey I want to apologize for all the drama back in {month}. I didn’t get over things as quickly as you did and as a result, I probably acted cold or mean towards you. That was never my intention. I apologize. I hope we can step right on the good foot from here on out.”

Before you say, “OMG, I could never do that!” you should probably consider that you do, in fact, owe him an apology. You can probably get away without doing it, but apologizing to someone to whom you owe an apology, but who you are not required to apologize to, is a sign of good character. Guys tend to forgive and forget, so you can do this, give him some time to process it, and then suggest a coffee date or something. I suspect he will come around pretty quickly.

AutoModerator · 2023-09-28T13:46:19+00:00

Title: What to do after you've played too hard to get and how to

Full text: 22F-interested in 25M, and initially seemed that he was too, but, through grapevine conversation he thinks the exact opposite about my feelings towards him...

Looking to develop a wholesome relationship and have a fresh start as there was some drama in our friend circle that made things uncertain for a moment-he got over it way before I did and started being friendly, whereas I stayed upset longer, and became distant/cold towards him, and now he is mad at me/seems to think I want nothing to do with him/don't like him.

Apparently it has never occured to him that I actually do like him but am just shy around him. I can't look him in the eye and conversations end up being short because he makes me nervous. A friend told me that all of my behaviors can be interpreted as finding him creepy and wanting him to leave you alone. He was surprisingly visibly angry for at least two days-when I bumped into him and said sorry, he basically glared at me and kept avoiding eye contact/pretending I wasn't there which he never does.

We will be in close contact for awhile and I don't know how to get on the right foot again... I tried talking to a friend of his to see what the situation was, and the takeway was that he is not mad, he just thinks that I am mad at him and has always assumed that I disliked him. I'm sure this friend of his told him that I asked about him, so, I don't know if, and if so why, he might have told her to say that.

But one outcome was that after I talked to said friend, the guy in question said hi to me again after ignoring me for a few days...

If you're a mid twenties guy and a girl looks away from you and can't hold eye contact, blushes and whispers to her friends after you talk to her etc. can you really not pick up that she actually likes you?

I'm at a point where I actually just want him to know that I like him to see if a relationship could form out of the situation, or at least the prelude to it, but, I am now worried that the whole thing was in my head, and maybe he doesn't like me as much as I think he might...I'm going off of staring, smiling while staring at me, making suggestive comments, unprovoked compliments, overhearing him talking about me and saying I seem really sweet, and from others that he was worried about me when I got sick, all while barely knowing him... He seems to really care about whether I dislike him or not and asks other people in our social circle about me, and based mostly on that, I feel like he probably is interested, because if he weren't, why would he bother with all this? If I were a girl and my guy friend were behaving like this, I would wonder if he liked said girl. So I also wonder if other people think that he likes me and discuss it behind my back?

Mainly I just want to give him a positive sign but I don't know how to time it-right now I worry that he is still upset with my reaction, and because I'm not certain about his feelings towards me, like any person I fear rejection and thus don't want to come on too strong-I don't know if me being mad at him for a few days made him lose interest in me. It's so ambiguous and there's so much hearsay/some assumptions but at this point it's very worth it to me.

What can I do? I definitely cannot outright share my feelings but I don't know how to flirt either. When a girl smiles at a guy a lot, does he assume interest? Initially he smiled at me all of the time but I just assumed he was just a friendly person, not that he was interested. I feel like smiling a lot could come on too strong because I almost feel like I'm in a "begging" position now-

I "played hard to get" without trying, and he was (maybe? if I'm reading it right-sending out signals/trying) and I wasn't giving him anything back, but now I think he's mad about that, or mad in general, and I don't think he understands that I like him based on his comments/behavior, and thus he might be feeling "fed up?" Maybe he gave up on it, maybe he doesn't like me anymore, etc. I just don't know what to do?

My guess is he sees me as relationship material because I just absolutely don't give hookup-type-did I have a delulu stint where I heavily considered doing that with him specifically-yes, but I am completely over that especially after watching my friend's situationship fail/emotionally traumatize her so.

I come across as really clean-cut/wholesome so I think he might be attracted to that/open to that sort of thing.

How to flirt/give a positive signal without overdoing it?

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2023-10-02T14:35:57+00:00

Playing games only works on guys who are so desperate that you don’t actually have to play games with them

Title	What to do after you've played too hard to get and how to
Author	Big-Text-4930
Upvotes	4
Comments	24
Date	September 28, 2023 1:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16ugio1/what_to_do_after_youve_played_too_hard_to_get_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-to-do-after-youve-played-too-hard-to-get-and.1233309 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233309

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