Some of you have had it much worse than I did. And everyone’s circumstances are so much different, so I really don’t want to speak in complete generalities, but I do want to say..it gets so much better after awhile. I was walking back to my car after a date tonight and just realized. I’m happy. Like really happy. Not just since divorced happy. But happier than much of my marriage happy. I spent so much time miserable being married. I thought I had to fight for our marriage anyways. Fight for this cold, selfish, prudish, rude, unloving woman I was married too. And yet still I was sad to divorce. I thought life would be lonely from here on out. Dating is done after 40. I was wrong, very wrong. None of these are really my own ideas, I got it from this site and other subreddits. And none of them are necessarily going to be for everyone or even possible. But they worked for me and suggestions to get back on track.

1.) It’s cliche, but join a gym. Preferably a group one. CrossFit, Orange Theory, Barry’s, F45, whatever. The group helps because you are around people and don’t need to plan your own program or workout. Just go and work like your life depends on it. At first it’ll help mentally and as a distraction. You get good endorophins and are too tired afterwards to stress. And then eventually you start looking better too. This helped my self esteem.

2.) If you can, move. It doesn’t have to be across country. It can be the next town over. Or the opposite part of the city. You don’t have to run into your ex as much, or any, or think about her everytime you drive by your favorite restaurant you met at. It’s a brand new start. And this helped a lot.

3.) Cut off as much contact as possible. You have assets together, you discuss that. Kids, discuss that. Absolutely as little else as possible. Be strangely nice when you are talking to her if you have too, seem happy. She wants to think you are torn up. She wants to hear what you are doing possibly. Don’t talk about it. Seem happy, be nice, stay quiet.

4.) Counseling. This has helped me a lot. Yes we are men. But don’t make your friends, family or even Reddit be your sounding board. If possible, get a counselor.

5.) This ones trickier, because for some it’s hard for many reasons. But date. You are not trying to find another wife. Or even a one night stand (although it’s fun if you do anyways) you are just trying to get out of the house and have fun. Meet new people. Realize people do like you, you are likable and have options. You were not right for your ex, you are right for someone.

6.) Delete Social media for awhile. Seeing pictures of her are just going to hurt. She might even post to try and hurt you. Just go silent for awhile, disappear from her life.

7,) Don’t drink too much. It might help a bit momentarily. But long term, it’s horrible for your recovery.

None of these are my ideas or that original. But I just want to say they worked for me. It gets so much fucking better. It may take months or years, but it does.