He doesn’t want children. Did I fail to inspire him?

countrylemon · 2023-12-11T14:04:16+00:00

it’s not shocking a 37 year old man is content with his life and has decided not to have children. Has nothing to do with you or netting his feminine ideals, outside of wanting kids it sounds like you are ideal, so that’s not the issue.

The issue is getting too invested before ensuring your vital life goals align, medical, kids, family, financial and religion.

While women might usually turn that leaf, because it’s in our nature to have children for the most part, it’s not for men.

A soulmate cannot change your moral compass and life goals like some kind of a fairytale, of course it happens but you have to live by the rule not the exceptions.

ivysaurah · 2023-12-11T18:49:07+00:00

This is a conversation to be has prior to becoming serious with a man. My now husband and I discussed these things around the first month of exclusively dating.

It’s not shocking that a man nearing his 40s does not desire children. However your biological clock is ticking and I would not waste another second on this man if you desire children. There’s no guarantee that you’ll be fertile into your mid-late thirties. This thinking is the reason for skyrocketing IVF and other fertility treatments in todays day and age.

Unfortunate, but it’s best to be logical about this now. You can’t compromise on children. If he doesn’t want kids, you cannot convince him as it will likely result in resentment. And vice versa: he cannot convince you to give up your dreams of having children because they will lead to resentment. It has nothing to do with your femininity.

Agreeable-Comedian24 · 2023-12-11T14:01:01+00:00

It’s definitely not you or any failure on your part. More and more people don’t want to have kids for various reasons. Holding on to the occasional story of someone changing their mind won’t help you. It’s rare for a reason.

Both-Statistician-70 · 2023-12-11T18:51:28+00:00

No no. Don't overthink this. People like myself who don't want kids , don't want them in general. It's not personal !

kendrac83 · 2023-12-11T20:07:17+00:00

You need to move on. If you "convince" him, I almost guarantee you will be doing all the work of raising a child.

vintagegirlgame · 2023-12-11T23:37:32+00:00

I’ve been here… I’ve always been passionate about wanting to be a mother. But at 34 my 12 year relationship with my fiancé ended because he still “wasn’t ready” to start a family (karma twist is that he ended up accidentally knocking someone up right after we broke up!)

After taking some time to heal, the next man I met we quickly fell for eachother and seemed like soulmates on so many levels… except he had a vasectomy and was an antinatalist! We had already fallen in love and it was so hard to walk away from, took so much strength but I knew I had to do it.

This pattern showed me quite clearly that I was attracting men into my life that were in opposition to my dream. I realized I had a story in my head that “it’s women who desire families, men don’t actually want families (and the ones who have them are just kinda dragged into it).” I changed my story to “I’m going to find a man who’s just as excited as me to have a family.” I also asked the souls of my future babies to help me find their father and bring us together.

Not long after, at 35 I found my true soulmate in a very “random” way online. And he was even MORE excited about babies than I was, always pointing out families and babies in public and gushing about our future family. Im now 36 and 9 months pregnant, ready to meet our Christmas baby any day now!

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2023-12-11T23:58:09+00:00

Men who don’t want kids, like me, don’t want them period by choice. Not due to a defect in you. I’ve had multiple women try even though I’ve been clear about not wanting to breed. Time for you to move on and try to meet someone before things get harder for you. Good luck.

LateralThinker13 · 2023-12-12T01:26:04+00:00

So I guess I’m wondering, when a man says he doesn’t want children, is he actually just saying ‘I don’t want children with you’?

Sometimes. The more certain he doesn't want them, the more it's not about you. The more wishy-washy he is about having them, the more likely it's his partner who is influencing his decision. But if he said he flat out doesn't want any, that's that.

Either way, if it's him or you, it's time to move on, and quickly. But it's likely him.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-12-13T13:13:33+00:00

Many times I’ve heard that wanting children will come naturally to a person when they’ve met their ‘soulmate’.

No.

People who decide they don't want children... just don't want children. They're not waiting for the right person, they just don't want children.

This isn't a failure on your part. Accept that his goals are fundamentally different from yours and look to your own future.

Sat1n3 · 2023-12-11T15:16:05+00:00

You did not fail, please don't blame it on you!

We don't know what happened in other people's past or what makes them not wanting to have children. Men have the luxury of time, he can wait and have kids at 45 if he wants and you, on the other hand, cannot.

It is not your fault and 7 months knowing someone and 3 months of dating might not be enough time to change his mind. Regardless of his motives he already said it: he does not want kids. Maybe never. I would listen to this instead of trying to change him or waiting it out.

If you want kids you need to find someone else. Maybe find out what his intentions are sooner so that you don't waste your time again.

Independent-Hall4929 · 2023-12-11T17:04:19+00:00

Who bought up the topic? Do you feel he’s in love with you yet? When men are deeply in love they tend to want to make their woman happy. Many say they don’t want kids and turn about and have them years later, it’s true.

AutoModerator · 2023-12-11T13:53:28+00:00

Title: He doesn’t want children. Did I fail to inspire him?

Author -ladykitsune-

Full text: I’ve been dating a man for about 3 months now (known each other for 4 months before we started dating). I’m 31 and he’s 37. This is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever been in and the feeling of being at peace with someone is so comforting. (I had extremely low self esteem in my 20s and kept picking bad partners)

Unfortunately when we spoke about the topic of children the other day he told me he does not want any, whereas I do. This is quite devastating to me as it’s a fundamental incompatibility issue and means we cannot be together in the long term, even though he’s such an amazing man.

I do wonder however if I just did not fit his ‘feminine ideal’?

Many times I’ve heard that wanting children will come naturally to a person when they’ve met their ‘soulmate’. I’ve always believed this to be true as I know of women who always said they wouldn’t want children, only to meet the perfect man and suddenly have children with him. I also know of a woman who dated her boyfriend for five years and he did not want to get married or have children. When they finally split up, the guy got married within a year to another girl and got her pregnant.

So I guess I’m wondering, when a man says he doesn’t want children, is he actually just saying ‘I don’t want children with you’?

I know it doesn’t change the outcome for me either way (we cannot be together) but it would be good to know if there are things I can do to inspire someone to want to start a family for the next time.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2023-12-11T13:53:28+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disapear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

PipStock · 2024-01-09T17:48:25+00:00

Believe him when he says he doesn’t want children. Period. Move on immediately. It is a value difference that neither of you can compromise and will lead to more resentment, bitterness, and potential involuntary childlessness from your end.

Title	He doesn’t want children. Did I fail to inspire him?
Author	-ladykitsune-
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	December 11, 2023 1:53 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18fv1fq/he_doesnt_want_children_did_i_fail_to_inspire_him/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/he-doesnt-want-children-did-i-fail-to-inspire-him.1240494 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240494

Comments