I want to divorce my husband who is 14 years older than I am, and I feel guilty about wanting to do so every day.

I met my now husband 4 years ago through some mutual friends. I’m now 26, and he is 40.

I definitely had an accelerated path to adulthood since I graduated early, moved out, and started working full time in tech, so naturally my friends were varied in age, some slightly older than me, and some very. I didn’t know his age when we started dating, nor did he know mine. It was quite a bit of a shock when we both found out, but at that point we both fell hard for each other and it felt silly to not give it a chance.

Fast forward during Covid, we got married since we wanted to buy a house together, and I wanted to make sure we were doing things correctly (legally). We eloped at a court, and he bought me a ring later, but I’m resentful because I never had a romantic proposal, or even a small wedding.

He also isn’t very romantic, and I’m becoming someone who craves romance. He doesn’t like to post me on social media, he’s not very verbally affectionate, nor has he planned many dates. I can tell he loves me, and he’s very comfortable with what we have.

He also works in tech (the customer side of tech) and due to layoffs, he hasn’t been working since January of this year. He’s filling his time applying to jobs here and there, but also just playing video games, sleeping, and just seemingly wasting time. He only tends to go to the gym if I ask him to go with me, and he only really eats healthy if I make him healthy food.

He used to say that it made him feel fulfilled to provide for the family, and he took on 70% of our expenses so I could focus on going back to school for higher education, but even that has been on pause due to him not being able to find a job.

I’ve mentioned that he’s probably depressed, but he doesn’t have interest in scheduling therapy sessions, despite me offering to pay and sharing phone numbers of therapists under our network.

I regret marrying him because he is quite older than me, but doesn’t have a natural interest to learn more about bettering himself financially, physically, or emotionally. I feel worried about how we’re going to have kids, how we’re going to retire. It doesn’t feel right to get divorced since I feel comfortable with our house, our life, and everything enough to just stay. I feel like I settled down too fast and am unsure about all of these things while I should be with someone who has already figured a lot of these things out. A part of me also feels scared to jump back in the dating world because there’s always going to be someone better in some areas, and worse in others.

Despite everything I’ve mentioned, I also do love him and everything he does for me. He does almost all things house related except for cooking since he isn’t working. He massages me or scratches my back every time I ask. He always drops everything to help me if I need to go somewhere. He’s also incredibly loyal and hasn’t looked at any other woman. That’s why I feel guilty about wanting to divorce him.

I have no idea what to do, and would love to hear other people’s perspectives on this. I always have a feeling that even if I leave and find someone else, there’s going to be elements of a relationship that won’t be perfect.

Is it possible to get over this feeling of regret? Is grass really greener on the other side?