Trying to get through

Psychological-Point8 · 2024-01-26T21:01:40+00:00

Be strong bud, the road is long and hard but you will get enjoyment from having time with your child. We don't have the answers to everything but we can find it.

Reflog1791 · 2024-01-26T20:53:07+00:00

Grey rock is indeed your meal ticket. Listen to your therapist.

GravityIsForRookies · 2024-01-26T17:53:51+00:00

Holy shit. I could have written exactly this. Let me see if I can save you from yourself…

I have 2 kids with my ex and live a one minute drive from her. She was frequently sweet with me, would ask for favors, do random nice things for me (like bringing me coffee), even had sex with me from time to time. She asked for the divorce and refused to reconcile. At times, she was even somewhat cruel in that she’d share sexual details about her post divorce ‘dates’. This went on for about 1.5 years.

I was terrified to tell her no. I was afraid she’d use it as justification for not reconciling with me. When we did have arguments related to me setting boundaries and/or refusing to do things she would say this is why we divorced, I haven’t changed, I’ll never change, etc. Therapist and friends all said she was using me and manipulating me. I refused to see it. She got herself an official boyfriend a few months ago. I could almost immediately feel that I had been moved to a different status in her mind. Despite that, she wanted us to stay close. Probably because she’s insecure and knew I’d take her back. Nothing like a ready and waiting backup guy.

I recently finally got to a point where I’m not taking it anymore. I’ve been actually saying what I’m thinking (though I’m keeping it as polite as possible) and refusing to play ‘her game’. That’s what my therapist calls it. The result has been that she has now freaked out multiple times because she can’t control me and I’ve managed to obtain a greater level of peace in my life. I still miss her and I’m sad but she no longer sees that. All she’s getting is a stoic guy who has literally told her that she isn’t worth his energy (that was done calmly, not in anger, and it made it more impactful.

Save yourself. Learn from me… I had 1.5 years+ of horrible feelings, obsessive thoughts, sleepless nights, etc. It wasn’t worth it. Grey rock her and be free.

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-26T16:31:31+00:00

You say no. I only do favors so I can ask for In return like when work gets in the way of my time. Unfortunately I feel I do way more favors and still get shit in return.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-01-26T16:31:17+00:00

She is no longer your wife. That was her choice. She is still trying to use you as a husband to satisfy some of her needs. Stop this. When it comes to the children you are just coparents. Because you are in divorce proceedings you are adversaries as to assets, debts and your income.

You are right to grey rock. Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.

Zestyclose_Limit_649 · 2024-01-26T16:25:55+00:00

I’m trying to, my lawyer is waiting for her to approve my settlement offer. But she tell me she hasn’t spoken to her lawyer since she filled for divorce in December. Only spoken to a paralegal.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-01-26T16:20:57+00:00

I would say get papers signed ASAP, manipulate her while she's trying to manipulate you

Title	Trying to get through
Author	Zestyclose_Limit_649
Upvotes	12
Comments	21
Date	January 26, 2024 4:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1abm2rj/trying_to_get_through/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/trying-to-get-through.1243851 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243851

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