Beautiful weddings, we couldn't have one because her family is toxic and she didn't want to do it without her mother and that would have been a shit show. So we eloped.

Kids, she switched up on me and decided that she didn't want any 2 years in.

Family gatherings, her mom couldn't stand me because I am black. She said awful things like black people are a curse upon your family.

Good relationships with each other's friends, I did my part and nobody would ever get away with saying stuff about her. Me on the other hand, I deserve it, I guess.

The way they look at each other, I would have killed to have looked at my ex and for her to look at me the same way we did when we first started dating. Our marriage started off rocky and we should have figured it out before ever signing the papers.

House, we never got on the same page about owning a home together. We never built anything together. It was alarming how easy everything was split up during the divorce. We were just roommates.

I know social media isn't real and things happen behind the scenes but it all looks so good from my perspective. My life has been set back so far and at the age of 31 I don't know if I'll ever be able to recover.

It happened almost 2 years ago and my friends and family are tired of hearing it. I feel pathetic for being so upset. I don't even feel like I'm living anymore. I have been trying to get out of my shell and meet new people and try new things but nothing is making the pain go away. Online dating sucks and it's literally the worst I have seen of people. I hope to god that isn't the only way of meeting someone because if so we're doomed.

But still I keep trying and I don't know why.