RPW Mothers: Is anyone here able to take care of a child, cook and keep the house clean without using screens?

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2024-02-16T21:27:12+00:00

My guy is a little younger than yours (16 months!) but I get you on how hard it is to juggle. Honestly my guy is not the type either to sit and play with toys in his playpen while I cook or clean, so I’ve had to just start incorporating him into my routine! He too is an early bird.

If you don’t already, I would get a kitchen helper so your son can be at counter level, I’ve found since around 13 months he can help pour ingredients into bowls if I measure them out, and he gets such a look of satisfaction when I tell him he’s doing a great job of helping!

He is in the sorting phase right now so I have him help take out things from the washer dryer (it’s front loading so he can reach). I also place our cutlery sorter on a towel on the floor so he can help unload the dishwasher as well, he loves it! Vacuuming is a little hard because he loves to touch our vacuum as it’s on, so I have recently started to play ‘chase’ and hide with him when I vacuum and he giggles up a storm and he runs around the house getting energy out before nap time.

Before he was a year old, we were contact napping for every nap, he’s only just started napping in his own bed when I can put things away or get lunch ready for us when he wakes up.

To be totally honest though, I get the bulk of my true deep cleaning done when my husband is with him, and sometimes when he’s teething or sick, it all goes out the window and my husband is more than understanding. My husband knows that my primary job is in playing with, looking after, and reading to our son, the whole point of me staying at home is for the benefit of our children, and any cleaning done during that time is an extra bonus.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-02-16T21:54:05+00:00

I have three under three and my final is coming in April. We're pretty screen free with exceptions for illness. Every mom has her thing and screentime has always been mine, because I watched way too much TV as a kid. I do want to preface everything I'm saying with a note that my oldest are twins, two and a half. While that sometimes means double the work, it largely means my children have someone to play with, at all times. It is often an advantage, not a disadvantage.

My biggest tip is to get a solid schedule going and stick to it. There's a lot of push out there to nix the schedule and just wing it. That might work for some, but it would drive me crazy. I'd start with extending your child's wakeup time. You can do this with a wake up light, like the Hatch. You start with the light coming on at the usual time and make a big deal out of how that means it's time to get up. Then you extend it by however much you can get away with, until you've trained them that they're at least staying in their crib/bed/room until the light comes on.

Naps are everything in my house and a huge part of said schedule. Whether they sleep or not, my kids go down for naptime, so everyone can get some rest. When my girls outgrow them, I'll still make them rest. I'll just allow books or quiet play. It'll be in their room though, because I won't want them to wake their brothers and Mama needs rest, too. This is my best time to do chores or just take a break.

I'm at a point where my girls love to help. I'll have them pick up toys, take laundry into the laundry room, even load it with supervision. They'll wipe off their table with a baby wipe and eagerly take anything to their brother. They clean up their own dishes and wipe themselves off. They only get one cup a day and will go find it when they're thirsty, so we're not dirtying more dishes. Snack times are pretty strict, which also cuts down on mess. They clean up after themselves then, too. It's not always easier, but it does help some. I also don't have to worry as much that I'll be stuck doing everything because I never encouraged them to do their part.

As for exercise, I take my kids on a lot of walks. I also have an elliptical next to a play yard where they can hang out and listen to music and play while I work out. I may relax screen time rules a bit when I have my baby so I can do this, but they aren't especially interested in screens, so maybe not.

Edited: My children also don't keep toys in their rooms. They aren't able to clean up entirely, so I'd rather just clean the one room. This actually does make a huge difference. When they're older, I'll probably allow a few toys for quiet or low-key play, like Barbies and Legos. I want their rooms to be a calm place. For now, all they have to play with in there are books and a couple of stuffed animals (like literally two). The toys we have are in the living room, neatly stored. We switch them out with some that are put away. I donate toys at every birthday or Christmas.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-02-17T00:47:19+00:00

I'm a newborn mother, not a toddler mother, but I'll toss my two cents in from watching my own mother handle us, the house, and absolutely spoil my childhood with hot cooked breakfasts most mornings. (And if you want motivation for breakfast cooking - I have very fond memories of her baking and fulfilling requests, those breakfasts directly led to my own enjoyment of baking, and hot cooked breakfasts were my first ever "all on my own" cooking once I was a bit older.) This was the late 90's/early 2000's, screens as we know them now did not exist, and we only were allowed TV if we were sick. Not saying she was perfect - she definitely skipped her self-care, though I think this was more out of the concept not existing as something to prioritize rather than actual inability. She was able to handle it as well as she did in part because this

I often don’t get to eat breakfast myself until 1-2 hours after waking due to dodging a myriad of toddler tantrums and screams!

didn't fly in her house. I would have got my butt smacked. Family lore is I threw a tantrum once in my life, got spanked, and never did it again. (I have no memory of this to confirm. As far as I can remember, I was a very happy and conscientious as a small child.) Now, I'm not saying you have to spank. As far as I can tell, there are kids who turn out just fine under all manner of discipline methods. But there does have to be a discipline method of some sort in place. The tantruming, screaming toddler is clearly being rewarded with attention somehow, or you'd just go make your breakfast.

Back when I nannied, I loved the toddler age. But I found most families did not have a clear discipline philosophy in place... which is probably why they were overwhelmed and needed a nanny in the first place. If I were you, I'd do a deep dive into discipline methods out there, discuss with your husband, and get on the same page. Whatever approach you pick, consistency is KEY. Easily managed kids who are resilient and confident with independent play free up a remarkable amount of time. Plopping the kid in front of a screen is the opposite of teaching emotional regulation. The screens are designed to keep an emotional feeling going with no regulation whatsoever from the person watching. It's only going to backfire in the future if you skip emotional regulation now.

Mommy_Koala · 2024-02-17T02:16:40+00:00

It’s all about routines, boundaries, and diversions. Your toddler is ready for all three. Have designated safe spaces you can send him to when you need to get things done. Give him the opportunity to learn how to entertain himself. Play some music or an audiobook for background noise while he has his “alone time”. Send him right back to his quiet space every time he interrupts you doing chores. Extend the amount of time each day you leave him to his own devices. Have fun and new diversions planned sporadically to keep him looking forward to it. Give him verbal reinforcement: “Mommy loves it when you play quietly while she washes dishes”. It will also show him your sole purpose isn’t just to entertain him.

Sleep routines are personal and vary by household, so I could be way off base, but MAN does 5am seem like an early wake up call. I don’t think either of my kids have ever gotten up earlier than 7am unless we had a flight to catch somewhere. What time is he going to bed? I think my kids at this age were sleeping a solid 7-7 schedule. Is there room to manipulate his sleeping hours so he’s sleeping in a little later?

I don’t want to speculate too much about your husband based off his one comment. I could see how maybe he’s feeling a little neglected or resentful with so much of your attention and energy being directed towards a toddler who might be running the household. Breakfast is a pretty easy request if you plan ahead and commit to doing it (and really, you should be doing that for yourself too). I get up every morning to make my husband breakfast, and we all eat together as a family for the first meal of the day. Afterwards I feel like i’m winning at this wife-ing business even if the rest of my day goes to shit. It’s not like I’m making fresh croissants or churning my own butter. It’s eggs and coffee. Try it out. If it puts a smile on your husband’s face before he’s out the door and no one dies, I’d call it an easy win.

ShannonE3 · 2024-02-17T12:19:40+00:00

You've gotten a lot of good advice here, but I'll echo what others have said: get your toddler involved in everything! We're not a 100% screen-free house-- my daughter does watch a half hour show as a wind down before bed, but the rest of the hours of the day, we go without.

I've found that toddlers are built-in helpers. They want to be involved in everything that you're doing! I think if we set the precedent young that we want to get tasks done without them, they start to learn that their role in the household is different than ours, so it's good to capitalize on their desire to help from the start.

The first area I'd start is by getting a toddler tower for your kitchen! That'll allow your little to be at counter height in the kitchen. So if your husband wants breakfast before work? Make it a family activity. You can scramble eggs together, get toddler safe knives so they can practice cutting up fruit, and by the time you're done, you'll have breakfast ready for all three of you, so you're not having to go hungry either!

100% there's a level of mess that comes with staying home all day with a toddler, but start the routine now too of cleaning up the zone you're in before moving on to another toy. Consistency and gentle reinforcement works wonders, and that will help keep your house clean. Melissa and Doug sells a kids cleaning set too that my daughter frequently breaks out if it's time to broom/mop/vacuum the house (if she's not trying to steal the grown up version from me!).

Hope this helps :)

Marissa_Smiles · 2024-02-16T22:12:03+00:00

We started off screen free. But started using tablets for learning games/activities. I have an hour limit set on them. But honestly it’s not that much of a priority for us, as they don’t use them that often. I have 4 and 3 year old and am currently pregnant. I have found the key to keeping the house tidy is getting the kids involved in a ton of clubs/activities. We also are fortunate to have great weather year round which helps. To answer your question, It might be possible for someone who doesn’t require much sleep, self care etc. but that’s not the quality of life I personally desire so I outsource in all areas.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-02-17T00:22:57+00:00

Yeah, the TV is on more than we'd like in our household. We don't allow other screens.

I'd wager it's not sustainable to keep the house clean, cook 3 times a day, and do no screen unless your husband gives you a lot of off time on nights and weekends. My husband has to work towards his certifications during his off times. Date nights are infrequent, time off for myself (not counting naps or after bedtime) is a handful of times a year.

Practical tips:

-overnight oats, or reheating frozen food you made another day for breakfast

-doing chores during awake time whenever possible. My kiddos like to throw the socks around while I fold laundry

-consider picking up an additional freezer, leftover soup reheats very well and is great for when you don't feel up to cooking

-kitchen table activities when you need to cook. My older kiddo likes to play with piles of beads, puzzle pieces, play doh, etc

angelicasinensis · 2024-02-17T03:19:49+00:00

I try really hard but to be honest I use screens more than I would like. I have had to do side hustles, suffered some health issues in the last years and I have three kids....

Pitiful_Sprinkles197 · 2024-02-17T12:11:35+00:00

A couple of good books are simplicity parenting and you are you child’s first teacher. From those books, I learned about “busy bins” and rhythms of the day.

I also remember putting a pack n play in the room while I cleaned and putting a few toys in the pack n play or play pen. I also remembered having “ room time” for 20-30 mins a day (with a monitor) but sectioned off so they could hear or see me. So basically I crate trained my kids :/ but even at 8 and 10, they don’t do screens (some tv on weekends tho) and play independently and imaginatively every day.

CommunicationFunny66 · 2024-02-18T02:14:12+00:00

Ask your husband for help. You are overwhelmed and rightly so. Men are capable. They are natural born problem solvers. Unless you want to make his breakfast every day for the rest of your life, don’t start now. He sees you struggling, yet still asks about breakfast. He will be happier when you prioritize yourself. Tell him you need him to watch your toddler so you can do some self care. Establish this now. An overworked woman doesn’t make a happy house. Your toddler will benefit too. Schedule it weekly or more, where your husband watches your toddler and you do something for yourself. It’s not about doing more and more and more. The feminine sets the tone. Make time for yourself and make it a priority. You can have the cleanest house, the most well behaved toddler, and pristine appearance, but if you are run down and exhausted from all of this, it’s pointless. More than anything men crave our light hearted feminine energy. Don’t lose that trying to do all the things.

Moovmntstudnt · 2024-02-16T21:57:33+00:00

I have 1 kid ( 1.5 years ) and he watches tv everyday.

AutoModerator · 2024-02-16T21:14:03+00:00

Title: RPW Mothers: Is anyone here able to take care of a child, cook and keep the house clean without using screens?

Author mishkaforest235

Full text: I have a toddler (2 years old) and we are screen free (my husband requested this and I agree). However, being screen free and having no near by family for support means (for me) it’s either the house or the child… both seem mind-breakingly impossible.

My husband today made a series of grumbly comments about how I’ve never really made his breakfast before work (I physically don’t have time, my son is awake around 5:00-5:30am). I often don’t get to eat breakfast myself until 1-2 hours after waking due to dodging a myriad of toddler tantrums and screams!

Can anyone advise on if it’s reasonable to expect a clean house, 3 meals and thoroughly cared for toddler?

P.S where in the day/week - if any - do you have time for your physical appearance? exercise? shopping for nice outfits? self care like manicures (I used to do at home but currently time-poor!).

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Unlikely_Lily_5488 · 2024-02-18T03:53:50+00:00

it’s possible. i have a child, toddler, & baby. we don’t do any screentime. i’m a SAHM. no extra support other than my husband on non-work hours.

step 1 - simplify tf out of your house/stuff. declutter and minimize minimize minimize. TRULY assess what’s needed. this makes your to-do list much shorter and makes it less overwhelming for kids to be involved in cleaning up as well. listen… if you have 5 people in your family, and you only buy 2 towels for each person, that’s only ever 10 towels floating in your laundry and house. this is true for everything. so what do you ACTUALLY use and need and enjoy?

step 2 - simplify your cooking routine and needs. we have a “base grocery list” and a pretty standard meal plan each week with a couple of “special” meals that are new. this minimizes the time spent thinking of meals, making grocery list, shopping (i do order pick up of the base list), and basically just removes thought from most meals except the few special ones that week. i also pretty much always involve my toddler/baby and usually child too with cooking even if that means my baby is on my hip and my toddler is on the floor playing with some dry oats in a cup dumping them in a bowl and i’m supervising my child with a mixer and the meal takes 3x as long to make.

step 3 - optimize your cleaning routine. once you have simplified your stuff and spaces, then optimize cleaning, and have a rhythm for cleaning that allows your child to participate freely and come & go as you work. they need to see and be a part of the important work that goes into caring for their home (which is also their community at this age.)

last thing is have some grace :) for you & your spouse. bc sometime things just won’t get done. the dishes will pile up. the meal will cook wrong. life happens with littles. however, i do find that having these things above going, makes it easier to find grace for each other. your husband’s pure desire underneath his grumbles is that he isn’t feeling nourished or attended to. it’s not actually important if you agree or not. those are his feelings (or something like those are his feelings.)

how could u hear that message underneath the grumpy grumbles, and how can u approach this differently, seeking to meet the “true” weight on his heart? one idea, could you make muffins with your toddler the evening before and leave one wrapped up on the counter for your husband to take for breakfast with a cute note? could you get an automated coffee maker and fill it the night before and set the timer to go off when you know he’ll be waking up? could you buy or make some quicker breakfast options for him like frozen breakfast sandwiches, or pre-cooked bacon, or can you hardboil & peel some eggs and put them in a bag in the fridge? ect.

what you (/your husband) are seeking here is not unreasonable or unattainable! but you will need to shift your outlook on things and adjust systems you have in place to make this possible. you need a severe overhaul in outlook though. why are you “fighting off toddler tantrums and screams”? a toddler needs you to be a safe place to land. you shouldn’t be fighting off tantrums. that’s probably why you’re feeling so time- and energy-poor. are u familiar with janet lansbury? may aid in your toddler situation. u can do this!

Title	RPW Mothers: Is anyone here able to take care of a child, cook and keep the house clean without using screens?
Author	mishkaforest235
Upvotes	18
Comments	18
Date	February 16, 2024 9:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1asjt32/rpw_mothers_is_anyone_here_able_to_take_care_of_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/rpw-mothers-is-anyone-here-able-to-take-care-of-a.1245591 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245591

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