How To Keep a Man Interested while Waiting For Marriage to have sex

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-03-03T03:42:18+00:00

But my boyfriend can’t seem to control himself around me

I have known two Christian women who married men who were avowedly Christian. They professed to be Christian, went to Church, talked about God, etc. But they both sought premarital sexual activity from the women. In both cases, the women turned the men down. But they continued the relationship and even hid the incident(s) from friends, family, and counseling pastors. In both cases, once married, the women discovered that attempting extramarital sex was far from the only point of hypocrisy these "Christian" men had. Any man who is being double-faced to others (faithful in public, deliberately sinful in private) is being double-faced to you.

If it's clear you two would go much further if you allowed it, this is not the only area of life this man does not follow his faith. If faithful religious adherence is a requirement for you - if you're looking for a captain not just in your secular life, but your spiritual life - you should be vetting for a man you aren't worried is going to leave you for following the faith you both supposedly believe in.

But in answer to your titular question, ALL of the long-lasting traditional cultures handle the natural passions by streamlining the vetting process and marrying much younger and faster than we do in modern Western culture.

Marissa_Smiles · 2024-03-03T02:44:32+00:00

I waited until marriage. Like you my now husband was not a virgin. I was firm and he respected that and was eager to get to the alter. The right guy will wait. I had boyfriends before who said they wanted to wait, were Christian but ultimately tried to cross my boundaries. Don’t waste your time on those guys. If he can’t control himself now, walk away he’s showing you he won’t ever be able to in the future.

Zestyclose-Double166 · 2024-03-03T01:44:57+00:00

If you both agree that it is best to wait until marriage, then he has the option of proposing? If he wants sex and dumps you then he wouldn't be considering you as a future wife anyway.

MaddogYZ450 · 2024-03-03T01:49:53+00:00

My guess is the "we are serious...." is really "I am serious....". Keeping him interested in this area depends on how you define sex.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2024-03-03T05:49:06+00:00

OP I am also a virgin waiting for marriage for faith-related and personal reasons. I want to second the comment about the financial benefits of marriage! If you’re in the US, getting married will allow you to fill out the FAFSA under your and your husband’s income, not your parents’, so depending on your family situation you may be eligible for more federal financial aid. This is in addition to saving on taxes and many other benefits. Don’t get married to save a bit on your student loans, but if you are already discussing marriage with your bf, and money is the main reason to hold off, it may be worth looking into this.

That being said, I know I personally always have a bit of that insecurity that no man would stay interested in me without sex. It’s really important to figure out if this is coming from your emotions, or his actions. If your bf is actually doing something to indicate losing interest without sex, such as withdrawing after you affirm your boundaries, or repeatedly asking when you’ve said no, that is a red flag that he doesn’t actually share your values. We are constantly hearing about how important sex is to men, so it can be hard to feel secure in a celibate relationship, even if the man is fully on board. It helps to think of this as practice for those periods in your married life where you will have to be abstinent, like after childbirth and if one of you has a medical issue.

As far as keeping him interested, the rest of the standard advice on this forum would apply. Demonstrate your value by being a calming presence in his life. Be emotionally supportive. Compliment him. Let him know the positive qualities he has that you find attractive about him. Show him affection through his love language! None of them, not even physical touch, actually require sexual acts to be performed. Cook him a meal, drop off something you made to decorate his dorm/apartment. Make sure you’re still having high effort (from both of you) dates, involving activities beyond hanging out. Maybe ask him to teach you one of his hobbies, or learn a new hobby together. Basically, make sure you’re doing things that are fun for both of you.

Because you are both religious, I will also suggest you can do things like pray together or go to religious events or services together. Asking a man to lead you in prayer is a great way to show submission and affirm him as a leader without compromising on your values. But since he is new to the faith, be very cautious to make sure you are encouraging him, not pressuring him. Especially when the woman is the one with more religious experience and knowledge, it’s important for the man to be involved with a men’s group or have a spiritual mentor. That helps to avoid a situation where you become the spiritual leader and that seeps over into other aspects of your relationship.

TheBunk_TB · 2024-03-04T14:30:08+00:00

GF stuff. Cook? Clean? Etc?

gucci_gas_station · 2024-03-03T03:19:54+00:00

It sounds like he is being very sweet. The touching and kissing is probably just his way of wanting to make you feel wanted if it’s consensual. Just continue affirming to him that you desire to wait isn’t for lack of love or attraction.

This is a great sign because my first boyfriend was the exact opposite. I was a virgin waiting for marriage. He did end up cheating, but not because I wanted to wait (but because of personal issues). I knew something was up when he didn’t seem to be trying to kiss me and get “handsy” anymore. The desire for physical touch was gone, and I knew someone else had satisfied that need. I only say this because it sounds like your boyfriend isn’t interested in dumping you or anything like that if he’s acting like how you described. A lot of guys have short attention spans, so if he really didn’t want to commit, you probably would’ve seen signs by now.

So, as long as you’re communicating your wants and meeting both of your desires in the relationship, there should be no worries otherwise.

AutoModerator · 2024-03-03T01:40:18+00:00

Title: How To Keep a Man Interested while Waiting For Marriage to have sex

Author kristiemat_

Full text: Just recently got into a committed bf/gf relationship. I really REALLY like him and he already tells me he loves me. We are serious about our faith and believe it’s right to wait till marriage (he has one body while I am a virgin). But my boyfriend can’t seem to control himself around me and constantly kisses and touches me (with my consent). I am an overthinker and tend to believe that one day he will get bored of me while waiting and decide to dump me bc I won’t put out so what should I do to keep him interested and happy in our sexless relationship?

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Vaako81 · 2024-03-05T11:56:23+00:00

Stay strong on your faith and seek the advice of married Christian women. Secular logic isn’t compatible with Christianity or Gods word. So be careful whom you listen to. A devout repentant Christian man during the courtship process understands that sex should happen once the two enter into Holy Matrimony. If it is important for you to be a virgin on your wedding night then you must tell him this with clear language. As us men assume our actions are fine unless we get an overt No. So set your boundaries until you are married and talk to him.

porkiest · 2024-03-05T07:22:32+00:00

Blow him 👼🏻👍

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Title	How To Keep a Man Interested while Waiting For Marriage to have sex
Author	kristiemat_
Upvotes	31
Comments	36
Date	March 3, 2024 1:40 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1b5500s/how_to_keep_a_man_interested_while_waiting_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-keep-a-man-interested-while-waiting-for.1246936 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246936

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