Not so “ex gf” need advice

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2024-09-28T02:06:48+00:00

You don’t have to put up with your mother speaking disrespectfully about your boyfriend. You can say that her opinion is not welcome and hang up if she won’t change the subject. Even if you don’t end up marrying this boyfriend, you can prepare her to behave herself for your future husband.

CountTheBees · 2024-09-28T02:41:11+00:00

What did you do after the conversation? Did you set some boundaries with your mother, asked her not to speak of him that way or put her on a low contact/low information diet, assured him he never has to see her again, or anything of the sort? If not - and you expect him to just accept it without any action on your part - he has good reason to run!

In terms of what to do. You should probably do some of the above, and tell him what you did, and if he can't accept it still, you should break it off.

This past week, he may be considering or already has demoted you to plate.

serioussparkles · 2024-09-28T12:51:22+00:00

Did you stand up for him when she was going off? That's pretty damn important.

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2024-09-28T03:09:02+00:00

You should not be spending time with him if you’re not his girlfriend. This is setting yourself up to be used and heartbroken. Have a conversation with him where you apologize for not setting boundaries with your mom, commit to it never happening again, tell him you would like to be back together, but if he doesn’t want to be back together, you need to protect your heart and move on. Fully move on. Stop seeing him or talking to him entirely.

Honestly, it sounds like he probably wanted to see other people anyway and saw this as an opportunity to have his cake and eat it too (you’ll keep acting like his girlfriend while he gets an excuse to date other people because you’re technically broken up).

RedPillDad · 2024-09-28T03:58:31+00:00

'Put to the test' would normally apply to yourself and your mate. You see what you're both made of, good and bad, and see how adaptable and compatible you both are. Seems you both passed the test with flying colors but your mother failed miserably. You must find some means to disarm her nuke approach otherwise she'll do it again and again.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-28T01:22:48+00:00

Title: Not so “ex gf” need advice

Author kristiemat_

Full text: So my boyfriend (20m) and I (20f) broke up” seven months into our relationship. For the most part, we are very much passionate about each other without a doubt and very much still in love. There was no cheating or any of the dramatic stuff that caused him to break up with me. Instead, it was my mother. He overheard our conversation on the phone (it was on speaker) and my mom was quite literally bashing him, disrespecting him, and assuming the worst about him.

This isn’t new. My mother bashes and speaks awful about all of my siblings significant others (she hates my brother’s gf most of all). But my “ex” couldn’t stand it when he heard the things she said about him. He practically stormed out of my bedroom (I live away from home for college) and went home - didn’t speak to me for days. After I had given him space, he finally called me and told me that even though he loves me, he cannot stay in a relationship where he is not welcomed by my family (mind you my whole family loves him including my dad, it’s just my mom). But he wanted to win my mother’s favor most of all and it broke his heart.

Anyways, this conversation was over a week ago. Strangely enough for a couple that just broke up, we are together everyday. We still go on dates (dinner, movie theaters, picnics, walks, etc), we still sleep together, shower together, literally everything together because we are still in love. He said it’s hard for him to let go of me completely even though he wants to respect my mom by not being with me anymore. He said he contemplates being bf/gf again but he doesn’t want the “struggle love” that being with me gives him because of my mom’s feelings towards him.

I honestly love him. He is an amazing man and he cares so much about me. He was also my first everything. I don’t want to lose him and I try my best to keep him but after what my mom said about him, it has altered our relationship. I don’t understand what exactly we are when we do everything that couples do but I need advice. Should I distance myself from him until he decides to actually have me as his girlfriend again (SUPER difficult) or should I remain in the loop hole of confusion until he gets over what my mom said?

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pieorstrudel5 · 2024-09-28T01:41:14+00:00

Do you really want a man who gives up on a relationship so easily?

You both are quite young. So there is room for both of you to grow and mature. Whether that's together or separately remains to be seen.

I would lean back and create some physical and emotional distance and think about the kind of man you want.

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well-ilikeit · 2024-10-03T00:01:47+00:00

You need to stand up for your partners to your mother

plein_old · 2024-09-28T01:39:43+00:00

Well, traditionally a young man who was "courting" a young lady would need the young lady's father's permission to take things to the "next level". If your father approves of your bf, then maybe this condition has already been fulfilled. Maybe your bf has no business backing out now.

The fact that your bf freaked out and wanted to abandon you over a relatively small matter (not sticks and stones, but just some words) is not ideal, but I guess hardly anyone is perfect, especially at age 20.

Maybe your dad needs to slap some sense into your bf. Compared to people in war zones having their arms blown off, or watching a loved one die prematurely of a horrific disease, to simply overhear some negative gossip is a relatively small matter, isn't it? Maybe the lesson is not to listen in on other people's conversations?

Independent-Story883 · 2024-09-28T03:41:58+00:00

Hmm Interesting the man who leaves when mother says bad things but doesn’t stay by your side and demonstrates she is wrong ….

If you are happy as is. Then stay as is. As you mature you may hate the day when mother is proven right. Its less about mommy’s feelings more about her underlying concerns. You carefully never list them. You never say if she is right.

If he is a good man, he will turn his efforts to prove he is the right man for you. Encourage him to do that if he stays around. If you don’t see a future with him. I would not worry about it as much. Enjoy your self.

Title	Not so “ex gf” need advice
Author	kristiemat_
Upvotes	6
Comments	27
Date	September 28, 2024 1:22 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fr3a4y/not_so_ex_gf_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/not-so-ex-gf-need-advice.1531513 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531513

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