So it’s a common point or frustration that women tell men that they want to date nice guys, but no matter how nice they try and become, they look for other traits. Here’s my theory on this. Since women are exposed to potential violence in dating and especially in hookups (rape and murder), women have reason to be cautious and fearful in their dating, as opposed to men who only see dating as positive. They don’t want to date a guy who will rape and murder them.

Now, psychology shows that the urge to avoid losing something/avoid something you fear is greater than the urge to gain something. So women automatically fear guys who will act violently towards them. Hence they want guys who are nice enough to not do so. While their ideal man is someone with other traits (like confidence, a fit body, etc.) their desire to avoid avoiding what they fear the most outweighs that of getting the best possible partner. And when women date guys who don’t appear nice, men get angry - but they don’t realize that while these men might seem thuggish, they won’t actually commit violence against the women which makes them “nice” in her eyes.

So, when women are asked what their ideal partner would be like, they think of both the potential negatives and positives of dating - and their first thought is that the guy fulfills the bare minimum doesn’t embody the negative (violent or abusive) aspects. Meanwhile, men only see dating positively as there’s little risk of rape or murder, so they tend to think whatever traits a woman says she likes in a man is the ideal - not the bare minimum.

TL;DR: When women say they want nice guys, they’re just talking about the bare minimum and mean they don’t want a guy who will rape, murder, or abuse her

Thoughts on this? Is this BS or could there be some truth to this?