How Do I get Over The Feeling That I don't Have Anything Of Value To Add?

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-05-28T03:22:32+00:00

This is an inner worth/self esteem issue. The core belief is "I'm not worthwhile/I'm worthless". Most people externalize this and believe that if other people treat them badly it's because they are not worthy so that just strengthens the belief. But the only person who decides if you are worthwhile is you. No one else. Only you have authority and responsibility over yourself, so the decision lies solely with you. There is not independent authority that decides self worth at birth. You were not assigned value by anyone. Your sense of self worth was influenced by how parents treated you early on so you maintained that belief although it no longer serves you well into adulthood.

Kukantiz · 2022-05-28T03:39:44+00:00

Go do some shit. Join the Army, see the world. There's no quick fix to being interesting and valuable, it is a lifetime investment. Actually, there are some things you can do that give back value right away. Go volunteer somewhere. Food bank, shelter, maybe even a pet shelter. You instantly add value to the world that way, and you automatically impress people that find this out about you. You automatically begin to get some self worth by being of service to others.

What are your hobbies? What do you do with your spare time? Picking up new hobbies, working out, all of those things give you confidence as you gain experience, and if you are working out and eating healthy, those results will give you a better feeling about yourself.

Finally, are these people going to be around for the rest of your life? If not, fuck em, why do you need to impress them? Own who you are and be it confidently. If you have shit to work on, own up to it and work on it. The destination is always going to be in front of you, but the journey is where you will develop your sense of self.

ORIONFULL23 · 2022-05-28T03:46:10+00:00

Why do you want to be liked by them?

Own-Masterpiece5102 · 2022-05-28T04:25:45+00:00

Its that anxiety and trying to say the most impressive things that is causing you to not know what to say. Social interaction requires flow state where you say what comes to mind, but when you overthink, you destroy it.

You are in a competative mindset where you see your goal as impressing others. You need to be in a collaborative mindset which involves self-amusement and empathy for others.

A lot of the time, I like to ask questions and listen and let others entertain me with their jokes and impress me with their stories. People like talking and being the center of attention.

I talk when I feel like saying something, not because I'm trying to impress them.

Codi_Banks · 2022-05-28T04:55:20+00:00

Some of your closest friends in life will be people for whom the only value they add to your life is genuinely caring about you, being pleasant to be around, opening up about their life, listening when you open up about yours, maybe cracking some dumb jokes and laughing at your jokes (even the not-so-funny ones lol).

You don't have to be a genius. You dont have to have money. You don't have to be a supermodel. You don't need to have valuable "connections". Or know how to play guitar, do stand-up comedy, have long riveting conversations, paint, cook, fix a flat tire, etc.

Just be a solid person. Someone that is honest. Someone that cares. Most importantly, someone that will stand up for themselves and their friends when it counts. If you're quiet, so what? The few times you talk will count way more than the people who never shut up. If you make a joke and nobody laughs, so what? Bombing like that is kinda funny in itself lol. If people don't like you, so what? Fuck them. Its not about what they like, its about what YOU like. And to me it seems like you need to like yourself. Once you commit to that, all these other things will sort themselves out on their own.

Read "On My Own Side" by Aziz Gazipura for some help with self-compassion

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-05-28T03:27:07+00:00

By becoming a person with value to add.

incognito3107 · 2022-05-28T08:46:33+00:00

Imagine that these people have also nothing valuable to add to your life.

devolve79 · 2022-05-28T09:28:33+00:00

Make some stories. Don't make them up. Go do story worthy shit

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-05-28T14:07:51+00:00

It's pretty easy. How do you add value to a conversation? You express yourself. Your worldview, your opinion, the values you live by, your experiences etc. So you're the value, you're the value that's good enough and there's no need to impress anyone or try to change their opinion about you because you're fine the way you are. The sooner you realize that the easier it's going to be after a while. Had the same problem before but when I just simply get used to expressing myself even if I was sometimes rude I realized that I'm already interested and I'm already good enough to not have to fight for anyone's attention so just fake it till you make it. It works

Title	How Do I get Over The Feeling That I don't Have Anything Of Value To Add?
Author	mister_filmmaker
Upvotes	16
Comments	13
Date	May 28, 2022 2:47 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uze450/how_do_i_get_over_the_feeling_that_i_dont_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-get-over-the-feeling-that-i-dont-have.1258517 https://theredarchive.com/post/1258517

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