Moment of Beta-ness during unexpected fight. How to handle the inevitable round 2?

VasiliyZaitzev · 2018-03-22T05:09:41+00:00

Flip the script and dump her when you meet up with her. Why? Because this relationship is over, amigo.

Also, this is why I recommend spinning multiple plates, so one woman isn't walking out the door with 100% of your pussy supply in tow.

Yonski3 · 2018-03-22T07:20:02+00:00

I Tell her I don't feel like seeing other people.

this was your first mistake. never suggest going exclusive with a girl. it should only come from her. no surprise that things went down hill from there.

so yeah that was your first needy behavior, and I can see more neediness following that - when she backed out - you tried to reach closer to her, instead of backing off as well and giving her space.

the only thing you should be doing right now is going no contact and see if she will reach out.

at this point though I wouldn't get my hopes up about this one. live and learn

AshyBoneVR4 · 2018-03-22T07:28:45+00:00

about not knowing if I fit in her life

All you need to know. Drop her all together, go radio silent and never talk to her again. End of story.

EDIT

Holy shit it gets better:

Anyways, we exchange a few more texts and she says she's going to spend the next 3 days with her friend who is in town (female) and that she's call me in a few days to meet up and talk about this.

Holy shit bro, you in China? Because you're seeing so damn many red flags. Do yourself a favor and drop her as soon and as fast as possible.

sign_of_reality · 2018-03-22T04:47:57+00:00

RedPill exists to get dudes out of Oneitis-based depression, and get some sexual experience. Once you're in a relationship, you have to become a lot more sophisticated and evolve a lot, bending and breaking most of the "rules" that are considered sacred on here. I'll share my thoughts on this...

Look at how much "plowing" your doing:

Call her out on how exciting we are and I pin her down and fuck her.

She comes over, I kiss her but she makes no move to kiss me back. I don't react and just plow through.

This tells me you're not really listening to her, you don't really have an awareness of her internal state. What you instead have, is your own happy-go-lucky Caveman dynamic, thinking you can build a bridge to another person using your own sexual enthusiasm alone. I know that many dudes here would scoff at the idea of 'listening', but your real life example is basically perfect for demonstrating how important listening really is. Its so goddamn important, I could write a master's thesis on how important listening is.

Your girlfriend's internal world and her feelings about you and the relationship are near-total unknowns to you, until they come out blazing in an explosive fight, where the whole existence of the relationship is put into question. Your supposed 'alphaness' prevented you from learning this precious information until a crisis happened. Like an authoritarian boss never actually knows what the people under him are doing, because unequal relationships create a culture of lies and mistrust.

complaining about me not telling her she did a good job or supporting her during her work thing. Says I hurt her feelings by teasing her...

So now you know something of her inner emotional landscape. The problem is that this knowledge has come at a price, which is, you have made/allowed her to feel such a high degree of emotional unsafety, feeling dominated and overridden, feeling not listened to, unsupported... that she is obviously questioning whether the relationship can/should continue.

I know I'm going against the group-mind of the sub again, but plow-fucking her was probably a pretty bad idea. I could understand how it seems like a good idea, because you read for example that some women have rape fantasies or something, or how its good to be dominate, but man, plowing without connecting can feel pretty damn 'rapey' to a woman. It is not respectful, honestly. That works in specific scenarios and settings when two people are really, really on the same wavelength, but I don't think it worked well in this case. I've alienated women by doing things like this, and it was not good.

I'm normally very masculine and display alpha behavior but I got beta af and start telling her my feelings.

Yeah, like I said, its being cartoon masculine that is what hurt you. Admitting your feelings to her was the correct action - you are being vulnerable. And being vulnerable equals being real for you now - you are in a super vulnerable position, let's just be real about it. You're about to lose your girlfriend, dude. Time for the masks to come off, my friend.

now I feel I've lost frame and her respect and power int he relationship.

Dude the whole point of this is to not base the relationship off of power, respect, and fvcking "frame". You had 'power' and you had 'respect', and you degraded the other person by plowing them while having no fvcking idea what was going on in their head and heart. You had no communication so you were stepping all over her without knowing it, disappointing her without knowing it, rolling around blindly and thinking a smirk and a fvck could smooth everything over.

As far as what you can do now..

Playing dread game is going to succeed or fail based on how much of a loser she is. If you continue being unresponsive ape-man Army Surplus Grade boyfriend material, and she suddenly becomes afraid and wants you back, it'll be because she's a fvcking loser, not because you built something awesome that's worth coming back to.

Opening up communication channels with her about how you're both feeling is whats up. Saying things like "I'm scared, and I don't want to lose you" is appropriate at this point, because its fricking true.

Hope you get some realism from that and I wish you luck in future.

boardrider73 · 2018-03-22T04:24:02+00:00

Youre just getting to the slowdown phase of the honeymoon period and things are starting to wind down at 3 mo. You're gonna start seeing a lot of her true colors. These are not great signs. This is usually when I start preparing myself for the worst...It's all about her feelz now.

At the same time, it's impossible to be perfect and in frame all the time. I mean we all fuck up sometimes. Christ, you were sick.This girl is gonna be a pain the ass going forward. I know everyone is gonna tell you she's lost attraction and to next her. Maybe they're correct but I understand it's not always that simple. I have abandonment issues also and even some BPD traits that I have had to learn to contain. It makes situations like this fuckin nightmarish cause you feel the end coming and all your childhood issues start boiling. I feel ya man. I would go completely silent for a week. I mean SILENT. If she contacts you and apologizes cool. If you don't hear from her, you know what you probably should do..Shes gonna be a pain going forward though im telling you right now. A girl really worthy of your time would at least wait till you were married a few years before she pulled the selfish bullshit..

Zormutoid · 2018-03-22T08:21:14+00:00

Tell her I don't feel like seeing other people

Here you go. That's the problem. The most repulsive shit a guy can say.

[deleted] · 2018-03-22T06:51:58+00:00

You are needy , its clear , you dont seek support from women when you are sick . You are giving more attention to her .

Blue 100%

cl3537 · 2018-03-22T05:15:15+00:00

You are asking a forum of anti LTR guys how to fix your LTR, bad idea.

One thing is for sure if you want to keep your LTR now you have to keep your mouth shut, and let her come to you and stop talking and acting and actually listen.

Don't phone her, don't text her, leave her alone. If she reaches out to you don't have an argument over the phone, meet her in person and you better be ready for her to break up with you and you can't show too much emotion or get angry.

The less you say the better, women have to get shit off their chest and you have to keep your emotions in check even if she is complaining about you.

I would agree though with typical advice you should start looking for other women, you don't have to tell her about them, but go out start picking up other women so you are more relaxed have a better mentality if/when she decides to talk to you.

if you are able to keep your shit together and she actually believes you listened to her (that doesn't mean agreeing or making promises I wouldn't) she might stay with you or leave you and come back later.

If she breaks up with you, wish her the best of luck, don't get provoked, don't give her closure, don't show any emotion, and then ghost her completely for quite a while that is is the only chance you will ever have of her coming back. After some time has passed she has to chase you and then you can decide if you want her back.

SkippyBoyTx · 2018-03-22T15:50:13+00:00

Don't know if this is good advice or not, but I will say that you should never let a woman you are interested in sexually see you when you are sick or weak. My ex-wife used to tell me she would always love me and take care of me if I was sick or injured. But when I had a very painful surgery and was suffering from the recovery (literal tears of pain) I could see the look of disgust in her face.

Yeah, we had lots of other issues, and I was really Blue-pilled at the time, but after that look of disgust from a woman I thought loved me was a huge wake-up call. Maybe I'm just venting, but now when I get sick, I withdraw, recover, and ignore any woman that "wants to take care of me". I might accept a visit from someone I have zero interest in sexually, but women never forget when they interact with you at your weakest.

mushroom_overlord · 2018-03-22T18:55:13+00:00

She doesn't want a true LTR with you (as in, it might be a relationship but ain't long term). She's waiting on someone better, you're just a step on the ladder. She's not what you're looking for.

Hard next and work on yourself (abandonment issues are not baggage you want from a girl; so neither are they something you want to push on one).

ShotgunTRP · 2018-03-22T04:19:30+00:00

epic tiers of dread is the only thing that will recreate attraction for you

You basically have to tap out, gain some abundance game as many women as possible and wait for her to cry her her way back

She gonna ride some dick regardless so you may as well snatch what you can

juliusstreicher · 2018-03-22T19:46:27+00:00

Tell her I don't feel like seeing other people.

Cause.

2 weeks ago she starts pulling away from me.

Effect.

Women are the ones that are supposed to seek a commitment. If the man does it, the woman sees it as something very wrong in the relationship. You are doing the woman's job.

She is now looking for a new man, but, till he comes along, you will do. She's going to be the one in charge, tho. She'll also be mean as she wants, since she has nothing to lose.

tl/dr: She is dumping your ass, and the relationship that you thought that you had is no longer salvageable.

juliusstreicher · 2018-03-22T20:05:11+00:00

Man, I went back and reread this. You need TRP bigfuckingtime.

You are really about as pussy as can be.

YOU can be fixed, but, this relationship is fucked.

Title	Moment of Beta-ness during unexpected fight. How to handle the inevitable round 2?
Author	boredatworkbored
Upvotes	7
Comments	37
Date	March 22, 2018 3:55 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/868plh/moment_of_betaness_during_unexpected_fight_how_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/moment-of-beta-ness-during-unexpected-fight-how-to.126248 https://theredarchive.com/post/126248

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