Though I feel I did everything right technically, I still think I got the short end of the stick

chumpta · 2011-01-15T05:40:56+00:00

well im pretty sure the rule is you set down a time. if she says no because of a real scheduling conflict, and is still interested in seeing you, she will suggest an alternate time.

which she did.

you can tease about it a little (a la "Haha hey if you could tonight we wouldn't have this problem, ms. her last name") but you took alpha "im in control and im taking the lead and planning" too far and turned it into "i need to be in control and i get a little overbearing when my unbreakable schedule gets a wrench thrown in it."

ftfy:

1Me: Come over tonight. My mom's out.

2Her: Tomorroooww?

3Me: I clearly said tonight

4Her: I canttt, track :(. Tomorrow pleasee

5Me: I can't tomorrow. Tonight.

6Her: We have track tomorrow.... sunday night??

(she's giving you a break here and offering TWO times to meet, come on brah.)

7Me: Well, I have plans. perhaps [tomorrow and/or sunday], around XX:XX

8Her: Finneee butthead

9Me: alright see you then

bonus: it's a little shorter

frogma · 2011-01-15T05:36:48+00:00

I don't think there's anything wrong with her rescheduling. You don't want flaking, but the way she tried to reschedule it (especially since it was a legit logistics issue) made it seem like tomorrow would've worked out. If she flaked again the next day, THEN do something about it.

crocodile7 · 2011-01-15T07:02:07+00:00

You definitely took the faux alpha attitude too far. She offered you two alternate times, and you rejected both.

Instead of coming across as in control and high value, it's possible that you came across as an impatient brat ("But moooom, I want it nooooow...").

As for her "busy tomorrow" switch, she's just trying to save face after your rejection.

Delightful_White · 2011-01-15T07:13:37+00:00

3Me: I clearly said tonight

That's good.

But you came off as desperate when you asked her another 2 or 3 times to come over. Trying to convince girls to come over or back to your place is the wrong way to go. Then to top it off, you invited a bunch of other girls after her. I don't know how big your highschool is, but keeping a strong social circle and a good reputation about yourself is good game.

When she said "tomorrow?" for the 2nd time, I would have simply said "I have plans. Some other time" and simply stopped responding. I doubt she'd come over still, but you would have maintained a stronger frame.

BPhair · 2011-01-15T05:08:51+00:00

Abundance mentality, my friend.

Cool off, work other girls, then try again in a few days or a week.

shtpndsck · 2011-01-15T11:08:31+00:00

Remember that a girl has an emotional response to you pushing sex... and not necessarily a positive one. Give her an out of some sort, "oh, I'm just going over to see 07ss because he got Inception on DVD" or "07SS needs a hand with his english paper" - once she's in your physical environment, you have Kino and presence at your advantage.

in reality, text game is a hard row to hoe, because you have completely equal power in the conversation - you have no physical presence, only her memory/mental picture of you. You can "make demands" or "be assertive", but is there really any "dominating"? You can't talk over her, or hush her, or make her laugh in a real sense ("Lulz" don't count, son).

last point: text game also adds another layer of complexity, that will tend to fuck you up - the pacing is all wrong, see this near implosion, saved only by the player's ability to take a moment and analyze the dynamic, then employ a double-edged social tactic, the "unpology"

cheddarchexmix · 2011-01-15T19:16:14+00:00

When you ask a girl out and she says she can't make it and suggests an alternative time, you should never ask her again for the original time. It makes you seem desperate/needy, and, in this case, somewhat annoyingly repetitive.

Something like this would have been better:

1Me: Come over tonight. My mom's out.

2Her: Tomorroooww?

3Me: Tonight's no good?

4Her: I canttt, track :(. Tomorrow pleasee

5Me: Got a party tomorrow. Sunday could work though.

Another protip: don't ask girls out for the same day, always do 1-2 days in advance especially if it's a first or second date. Most girls are weird about doing things same day when it's early on, and it makes you seem like a guy who doesn't make plans.

scottsutherland · 2011-01-15T07:50:55+00:00

First off, don't be "pissed you didn't get any tonight". Stop attaching so much importance to sex. Secondly, you're overplaying the dominance card. She kept trying to arrange for another time to meet, so work with her on that. "I clearly said tonight" - fuck that's painful to read.

You tried way too hard to get her over that night. Instead of hammering the "it's my way do it now do it do it" mentality, go for a "this is what's happening, if it doesn't work out then it's your loss" approach. You're still in high school so don't even worry about it, no matter what you do now, in 5 years you'll look back at yourself and laugh.

MonkeySteriods · 2011-01-15T06:31:35+00:00

Is it just me that is slightly offput that high schoolers are asking questions here? High school is about learning the ropes.... Everyone is inexperienced.

Title	Though I feel I did everything right technically, I still think I got the short end of the stick
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	39
Date	January 15, 2011 4:52 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/f2np6/though_i_feel_i_did_everything_right_technically/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/though-i-feel-i-did-everything-right-technically-i.1314568 https://theredarchive.com/post/1314568

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