Paying for her

badadvice_guru · 2011-01-24T16:04:58+00:00

Thought this was going to be a colorful thread about picking up streetwalkers

brendanhsu · 2011-01-24T05:56:49+00:00

I don't mind paying but if she doesn't even reach for her wallet or say anything about splitting the bill, she's not date material and I'll next her. If you like her, sure go ahead and pay and tell her "next one's on you ;)" to bank a second date. This essentially filters the good ones from the cheap, unworthy users. Of course, this won't likely happen if you're keen on quality girls.

thesacred · 2011-01-24T05:29:09+00:00

From personal experience, I get a lot more call-backs and follow-up dates when the girl pays.

When I pay, the chances that I'll never see her again skyrocket.

Psychologically, it makes good sense. If she got a free meal and free drinks, then she's "ahead". She might be asked to pay for both next time, or she might feel awkward wondering if you're going to pay again or if she should pay, or what. Little things like that can make her less enthused about the prospect of another date.

Meanwhile if she paid for you, then she's "bought in", and she wants to get paid out. She wants to see you again to have you reciprocate, or at least to cash in on the gratitude you owe her. Also, she remembers paying for you both - and if she was willing to do that, she reasons, she must have been enjoying herself.

In most cases, it's better if you can get the girl to pay. That's my experience.

But in practice, I still end up paying most of the time. I think that's mostly because lately I've been dating girls who are a good deal younger than me and I don't want to feel like I'm abusing the power I have over them as an older and more experienced guy. I recognize that they would pay for me if I wanted, and I recognize that if they did it would create that little bit of emotional dependence on me. In most cases I'd rather keep things interesting and avoid the moral pangs that come with that, so I pay, and take the hit. Strategically, though, it's a bad move.

seddition · 2011-01-24T19:49:53+00:00

I don't take girls on full blown formal dates unless i'm already fucking them. If i'm already fucking them, and I enjoy their company, than I don't give a fuck about paying. I'm having a good time, good food and drinks, with a cool girl, who lets me fuck her, it's not a big deal to pay. If it was, I wouldn't be going out. For girls I haven't fucked yet, i don't do dinner. Just drinks, and arguing or fretting over 30 or 40 bucks isn't worth the headache. I just pay. If they ask me out, then i'll usually let them pay.

In my AFC days, i took a girl out to an expensive restaurant and forgot to bring cash, so she had to shellout 10 bucks for the valet. I spent 120 at dinner and another 40 on drinks. I learned later that she was bitching about having to pay for the valet. Needless to say, I didn't ask for a second date.

blackdevildisco · 2011-01-24T06:33:34+00:00

I feel like there is this stigma where I seem rude or a cheapskate.

This is 2011, man, girls should pay for their own fucking ingestibles.

muffinman247 · 2011-01-24T06:17:03+00:00

I usually offer to cover, or at least have the cash on hand to. Some girls expect it. I prefer if the bill is split or we take turns. All in all I'm not opposed to paying outright, but I like to know the girl may pay for somethings or even just offer to pay her own way. In my experience, if the girl completely expects to be paid for, that's usually a red flag and warns of things like: a princess complex, expecting constant streams of money at her whim, using you for money etc.

2011-01-24T06:53:48+00:00

I went on a date with this girl who talked all this stuff about being a feminist and whatnot. We did some minigolf and I saw her reaching for her pocketbook to pay but I just went in and paid. Then we grabbed a bite and she started trying to pay again so I let her. I was thinking this was probably the best, as we'd end up paying about equal and that's what feminism is all about, right?

Nope. We have a mutual friend who told me that didn't go over well with the girl lol. So fucking confusing.

I've been paying lately - but I've been recently seeing girls younger than me who are unemployed or have crappy jobs, so it would be kinda weak to not.

afcanonymous · 2011-01-24T08:10:41+00:00

See this post by cheddarchexmix.

nanan00 · 2011-01-24T05:15:26+00:00

Ideal:

Guy offers to pick up tab
I offer to go Dutch
He accepts
Maybe we go home together <--independent of who pays

Everyone's happy.

Edit: Oh yeah, to answer the actual question, not paying isn't rude or cheap. If the girl looked down on you for not footing the entire bill, what does that say about her? Ewwy.

Ah, also: Some guys make tons more than I do. I don't think they'd even think of letting me pay. That's somewhat expected. If you actually make bank and she doesn't, it does look weird if you don't insist on paying.

freun989 · 2011-01-24T08:18:43+00:00

I think it depends on context. If you ask a girl out, I think a good general rule is to pay for her. But gauge the situation as you go because all women are different and it depends on the girl as well. Many will just sit there expecting you to shell out for a meal, coffee, drinks, whatever you got on the date, whereas as the select few girls will reach for their bags and grab their wallet to split with you.

rustoof · 2011-01-24T22:01:45+00:00

It has to do with the vibe. There are no hard and fast rules.

Basically if it feels like she "deserves" for you to pay it's fucked. Paying is on the whole a DHV. If it is done non chalantly and like it doesn't matter then it won't imo actively hurt you. Generally paying will hurt you only if you expect like you expect something from it.

I generally go with however she is flowing without rules. For example if she doesn't even reach for her wallet? Well you know what that doesn't mean she isn't worth a second date if she's cool.

Once I'm dating them i prefer to spend lots of money on dinner and shit and little on expensive prezzies. It goes with my "provider" needs well.

Full blown formal dates? Not till we've fucked

Barney21 · 2011-01-25T15:53:36+00:00

No need to pay, she's fine, she can pay herself. It's no more rude for you not to pay than it is for her not to pay. You can't just give all your money away to random people. All you'Re doing is telling her that you don't think you are interesting enough for her to hang around with if you aren't a free meal ticket.

cynar · 2011-01-24T18:53:32+00:00

Personally, if I asked them out, I tend to pay. It's all down to how you do it though. Keep it low key when you go to pay. If she acts like it was you job to pay, don't bother with a second date. If you meet some resistance ("You sure?" etc) I love to throw out the line "I've got the meal, you can get the tip." or something along those lines. Depending how much they tip, it's a wonderful judge of what sort of person they are.

Also, you tend to get both the benefits of being a 'gentleman' by paying combined with the physiological effect of splitting the bill.

Title	Paying for her
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	21
Date	January 24, 2011 4:56 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/f7vmy/paying_for_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/paying-for-her.1314890 https://theredarchive.com/post/1314890

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