Relationship game: be desire-less when it comes to sex.

SubaruBirri · 2011-01-26T17:25:50+00:00

Exactly. I hate when my GF comes over and assumes we are having sex. Even if I totally know it is going to happen, it just changes my mindset a lot. It's not that I don't want to sex it up or wouldn't enjoy it all the same, but the lead-up and pre-sex games are the best part. Just for example, when we are picking out a movie to watch and she says "it doesn't matter we aren't going to watch it anyways." What? Are you saying we are only turning this on for background noise? You just know that I want you right this second? It goes against the typical male I'll fuck anyone anytime! mentality, but desire is a curious beast.
It's like going into a movie knowing the outcome, and I can only imagine she feels the same way.

You always want what you can't have most

I'll be damned if the sex isn't five times better if someone puts a little brakes on first. It's just hard to explain to her that I want her to be hard to get.

Wait no it isn't I'm going to tell her tonight.

Edit: Added a revelation.

throwaway864 · 2011-01-26T17:58:13+00:00

I tried this with my wife. We ended up having sex twice a year. After 6 miserable years we divorced.

rustoof · 2011-01-26T19:26:56+00:00

I think this is false. A good portion of your LTR's love for the relationship should be her feeling desired. This means you eed to instigat sex properly.

Sure, keep the foreplay, don't assume makeouts = sex, but at the same time you can't be "desire-less." No woman is gonna want a man who doesn't desire. But there is a difference between being beta and alpha about it.

For example I might meet up with her at my house and hook up for a bit then do something. Then when I want it it's straight rape game

Krieger9 · 2011-01-26T21:29:59+00:00

I think desiring sex is a masculine trait and not sure about this. However don't be looking for favors, expect it to be as much for her as yourself. She's as lucky as you to be having the sex.

If there is a legitimate reason why she isn't interested, then yes be flip of nonconcerned about it. It's just today.

However if you aren't taking the time to encourage her mood, in a manner that is depending on her starting mood, I think you're not working it right anyway.

Man up, take lead and bring her along at whatever pace her mood allows.

cheddarchexmix · 2011-01-26T21:58:30+00:00

I don't know about this advice. By far the most universal reason women turn down sex with a guy they're into is that they have a lower libido. Just read the many posts in r/sex or r/relationshipadvice about this topic, that's what it usually boils down to.

My best relationships have been with women who have closely matched libidos to mine, which basically means if we're alone in the same room and don't need to go anywhere for a while, we're going to do it. My worst relationships were with girls I was really into but who had a much lower sex drive, or some weird sexual hangup.

You shouldn't have to play games to get sex if you're both on the same page and are past the initial attraction stages.

2011-01-27T03:24:44+00:00

I can't speak for everyone, but I often want sex more than my SO. Little of it has to do with him appearing "desireless" though, as he often tells me he finds me attractive or makes the first move (I actually find myself trying to moderate my own behavior so that he doesn't get bored or feel overburdened by ME).

That said, some physical attentiveness without the ultimate goal of sex can be very nice, very stimulating, and will also encourage bonding between you and your partner. Further bonding leads to greater feelings of stability and security, and encourages the thought that your partner finds you both physically and romantically attractive. It's not necessarily about hiding your desire, but showing that you desire your partner in more ways than just sexually (it's also easier to do this if it's true; just FYI). This can be anything from a kiss, wrapping your arms around your SO's waist from behind, to something as involved as a back massage. Getting your partner to reciprocate will also help encourage the return of desire you're looking for. I love giving my SO chest rubs. It gives me a chance to appreciate him and also puts ideas into my head for later.

TL;DR: I'm not sure you necessarily have to be desireless (I don't represent all women, though), but being physically attentive outside of sex and encouraging that in your partner in turn may help.

2011-01-26T17:29:39+00:00

Im gonna share this. Excellent post!

tombikadam · 2011-01-26T20:50:59+00:00

absolutly right.

fourtyfour · 2011-01-26T17:46:16+00:00

I'm pretty sure once you're in a relationship, there should no "game". As a woman, the biggest turn off for me would be learning someone was trying to withhold sex to make me want them more.

Honestly, you're in the mood, or you're not. Quit trying to make people into game pieces.

Title	Relationship game: be desire-less when it comes to sex.
Author	leevs11
Upvotes	28
Comments	52
Date	January 26, 2011 5:07 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/f9g51/relationship_game_be_desireless_when_it_comes_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/relationship-game-be-desire-less-when-it-comes-to.1314953 https://theredarchive.com/post/1314953

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