Seddit, is it pointless to pursue an LTR from a first date F-close?

frogma · 2011-04-25T17:05:57+00:00

That's how all my relationships after high school have started. If you lose interest in the girl, hopefully there's a lot of factors involved- not just the fact that you chased her and succeeded. I'll put it this way- I've fucked a lot of girls but I've only gone out with like 4 after high school. So yeah, you're gonna fuck a lot more girls than you date. That's natural- it shouldn't be so easy for a girl to win your affection.

I think it gives the girl more value to me if she can successfully deny me sex and get me thinking about something else.

If you're not fucking on the first date, it's not because the girl's prude, or because she "knows what she wants," or because she's "not that kind of girl," it's because you did something wrong. Don't treat sex like it's something you're trying to get from her- treat it like it's the natural conclusion to a great date. People like to say "Some girls won't fuck after the first date no matter what," and I say those people aren't building enough attraction and comfort and they're finding stupid excuses to explain it away.

jakedebest · 2011-04-25T15:55:17+00:00

It's up to you really, isn't it?

What you're idealy searching for is someone who won't give you what you want, so go and find that person.

SilverBack_Ace · 2011-04-25T16:16:38+00:00

Wow, looks like the game has messed your head up.

Is it really every womans job to try her best to withhold sex? And do you really think that when you bed a woman that she didn't know what was going on?

Thats just silly, and what if you decide to forgo the F-close because you like her and I just so happen to catch her on a good night and get her first?

2011-04-25T17:11:15+00:00

If you're interested in her, go out with her for a couple weeks. What's the worst that could happen. If you like her, keep going out with her. If you don't, then don't.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2011-04-25T17:44:38+00:00

Depends on the girl. I've done it and it was the best sex & relationship I've ever had. Ended eventually though for other reasons.

Edit: I should add this: I didn't hit on her for 5 minutes, get her number, call once, go on a date, and then LTR.

I hung out with her all night at a party, got the number, asked her out 3 or 4 times for which she had excuses, but eventually I left her a message saying that I really liked her and knew we'd be good together and that I wasn't going to stop calling until she told me to stop calling. That night she finally met me at a bar and I broke her bed, then LTR.

Geaux · 2011-04-25T17:56:35+00:00

This sounds related to your last FR where the girl gave in and now won't return your calls. Perhaps you are worried that your aggressive behavior that lead to the f-close is contributing to her not answering you?

Don't second guess yourself too much. Think about it honestly. Did you push harder than you should have? It is possible you've slipped a little into the instant gratification mindset and you need to dial it back just a little. It is also possible that the woman only wanted a ONS and you gave her exactly what she wanted.

Just be honest with yourself. We treat this like a game and perhaps you feel a little guilty since you "won". But if f-closing isn't a win for you anymore then you have to re-asses what you consider a "win" and act accordingly.

RedErin · 2011-04-25T19:34:18+00:00

"I think it boils down to an idea that sex is something that women are supposed to trade for a relationship, and men are supposed to trade a relationship for sex.

Traditionally, women are "supposed" to value relationships over sex, and men the opposite. So when a woman "gives" sex away without getting a relationship, she's perceived as having failed - either she wasn't "worthy" of a relationship, or she didn't have a strong enough sense of her own worth to hold out on sex until there was a relationship.

I think you see something similar in the whole "friend-zone" phenomenon. Men who "settle" for a sex-free relationship with a woman (ie, a friendship) are seen as losers or wimps - either they couldn't get the girl to have sex with them or were too gutless to try. Very similar to the way women who have sex without a relationship are seen.

Obviously, I don't agree with this worldview, as you can see from my liberal use of scarequotes. And I don't think it's as prevalent as it used to be - but I do think it explains part of why your friends talk the way they do."

This comment is from sunshowers, from another thread. I thought it applied to your situation.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-04-25T23:02:08+00:00

It is sort of a basic axiom of pickup that if you want any sort of relationship with a woman, you have sex with her first. Any relationship you would want, has a sexual component. It is easier to go to an LTR after you sleep with a woman, it sure as hell isn't going to work if you have an LTR before you sleep with her.

2011-04-26T05:06:04+00:00

It boils down to getting bored without some sort of chase. Maybe you're placing sex as the ultimate prize and once you get it, well, you already won, so you lost interest.

Why don't you try and reframe it? Sex is a normal thing after a date, but not a big deal (sort of like making out). If you really like the girl, the "prize" (I use that term for lack of a better word, but not really a prize, more like goal) is to get to know the girl better, create emotional bonds, etc.

2011-05-04T16:37:12+00:00

My current GF and I have been together for 3 years. We fucked on our first date. She showed me she was good in bed, which is very important to me. No regrets.

2011-04-25T16:59:51+00:00

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absolutebeginners · 2011-04-25T18:10:35+00:00

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Title	Seddit, is it pointless to pursue an LTR from a first date F-close?
Author	Geaux
Upvotes	4
Comments	24
Date	April 25, 2011 3:31 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/gx1i7/seddit_is_it_pointless_to_pursue_an_ltr_from_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seddit-is-it-pointless-to-pursue-an-ltr-from-a.1317707 https://theredarchive.com/post/1317707

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