I am Emotionally Retarded

Noncontroversial · 2011-05-18T21:09:32+00:00

Ok, have you ever gone to the doctors and mentioned this? This could be a symptom of something more deep rooted. For instance, Autism can manifest itself in poor communication, lack of understanding about social norms etc. Could be health related - I'm no expert of course, talk to your doctor first.

Maybe watch a couple of cheesy movies, the lower the budget the better (higher paid actors are better at being subtle in my opinion) or soaps. Look at how the characters react to each other. Often they'll make it very obvious what emotion they are trying to portray. Learn from there.

I hope that is some help, but I have never experienced anything like this so just ideas.

SeminomaOrNonSeminom · 2011-05-18T22:47:11+00:00

Emotional Intelligence can be developed. Read the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. The more you socialize, the more you develop it.

mogno · 2011-05-19T03:39:03+00:00

Your school likely has free therapy for full-time students. I am in a similar boat as you (I had the belief there are these social rules that everyone else just 'gets' that I can't understand) and I'm seeing a counselor at my school. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made, as she pushed me to get out and start meeting people and take a critical eye to every social interaction, which revealed to me that I'm not as different as I thought I was. I found that my basic social skills were good all along and I had relatively easily-fixable inner game issues/bad programming holding me back. Your mileage may vary but it's working wonders for me just having a sounding board who will be there consistently while I work shit out.

libertas · 2011-05-19T06:23:16+00:00

Here's a surprise: the crucial skill is not reading facial expressions or body language. The crucial skill is modeling, understanding, empathizing others' thought processes. From now on in your daily life, in every social situation you're in or observe, afterwards think about what the other person said to you or the person they were talking to. Make it an obsession. Why did they say what they said; what are their motivations, what did they want out of the interaction? Why did they react the way that they did? What emotions and inner thought processes best explain the way they behaved? What kind of habitual thought processes would you have to be to have that kind of emotional reaction? You have to develop the ability to simulate others processes. Make up a conversation in your head and simulate in your mind, in great detail, how various people you know would react to different events. The more you think about this, the more attuned you will become to the little cues and intimations that you missed before.

Second, it sounds like you have a somewhat limited emotional range yourself. Watch movies and try to deeply empathize with the characters. Discover what absolute rage feels like. Sadness. Joy (an especially important one). Paralyzing fear. Try to get outside yourself and immerse yourself in the experience. Do some things that are outside of your comfort zone.

Good luck. It is a difficult road to travel but well worth it.

solen-skiner · 2011-05-18T21:33:12+00:00

I'd like to reccomend two books

What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro'

and How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Both, IMO, the best in their subject. But in the end you cant study your way to social grace. Get out there! =) Maybe hosting a pokernight could help your learn to read faces, maybe studying at cafes instead of at home will give you opportunities to interact. idunno. Good luck =)

pumagor · 2011-05-18T22:03:45+00:00

http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

Fake it till you make it.

etherspirit · 2011-05-18T22:12:35+00:00

Rather than put yourself into the fire right away, take a step back and go to a place where you can people-watch. Such places could be a mall, farmer's market, summer fair, grocery store, park, public transportation, etc. Be inconspicuous and try to figure out if they are happy, sad, angry, etc.. Try to figure out the dynamics of power between people in the group. What is their body language communicating? See how quickly you can size people up. Then try this while interacting with people.

bobleplask · 2011-05-19T09:05:05+00:00

Why would you want to change anything? Do you -want- to socialize, or do you just feel that you -have- to?

tmk1 · 2011-05-18T21:16:12+00:00

You can read some books covering that subject. Frankly, the only way is to talk to whoever, whenever comes nearby about different things and see how they react.

And a question: Do you really need to really guess their emotions? You can notice quite easy when someone is really sad. To best way to cheer them up is simply to ask: "What's wrong?" "Can I help you?". They will tell you how they feel.

Also, please read this post: Calibration, according to a Harvard Psychologist!

intertron1 · 2011-05-18T22:45:51+00:00

I am not a doctor but I do play one on the Internet. I should probably run an EEG to confirm, but in my professional opinion you may have The Knack.

MachineGunJohnson · 2011-05-19T04:35:46+00:00

I know where you're coming from, and I assure you its no 'disease' or 'syndrome'. I've always had a difficulty understanding the flamboyant emotional people. It's just not a certain type that I click with. Society has created a narrow little mold to say what is normal and what is different. I say screw it. That's beside the point though.

First off accept what you are. Because of your genetics and the way your body is built you came out a bit stoic. Call it self-control. I promise you there are tons of benefits to it.

I'm sure you still experience emotions right? Next time you're on top of the world or just pissed off, relate it to what another person may be feeling.

krymson · 2011-05-19T04:53:16+00:00

There's two possibilities - one is that you simply don't have enough experience. I'm an only child who moved growing up. I had similar issues simply from not spending enough time with other people. I've been improving a lot the last few years by getting out there and interacting with tons of people.

The other possibility is that you're mildly autistic. I have a friend who is like this and I try hard, but it is hard to get along with him sometimes. If this is the case I think you should find other people with similar issues and see how they deal.

dlc9999 · 2011-05-19T14:34:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

graffiti81 · 2011-05-19T18:10:39+00:00

I understand exactly what you mean. I was pretty socially isolated during high school, failed out of college in one semester because I hated it and was 100% alone, and then went into a self-imposed isolation for a decade. I'm now 30 with what I feel is the emotional growth of a high school freshman on a good day.

I find myself learning a little how to have empathy. It's still pretty difficult and untrustworthy. I'm determined not to be forever alone, though. I can't stand to think that this is the rest of my life.

Use what you have to your advantage. You're in college. That's huge, even if you don't feel like it is. Once you get out into the working world, you may end up like me, in a completely male-dominated business where you don't even have the opportunity to see a woman from week to week.

Seriously, take advantage of being in college.

2011-05-19T21:09:25+00:00

To be honest, as a guy you don't really need much emotional prowess. Yes it's helpful, but as long as you can uphold interesting conversation, easily approach women and generally be a fun, playful person you don't need to be able to understand what she's feeling at every moment.

emotionalretard · 2011-06-28T20:51:58+00:00

Found this post doing a search for people like me. I also have a piss poor emotional memory, so I dont remember how I felt when I made a decision or what my logic behind it was. Most people just call me an asshole, but it is totally not my intent. Ditto on the 'not a fun person' part too.

eablokker · 2011-05-18T22:57:43+00:00

It can be a sign of Aspergers. But it can also be an exaggeration brought on by feelings of depression. One of the best ways to improve your emotional intelligence is through journaling and writing about your emotions. Write about things that happen in your life, especially traumatic or peak experiences, and write about exactly which emotions you remember feeling. This trains you to be able to sort out and identify all the various emotions.

You can also do cognitive behavioral therapy.

Edit: you can also use Dr. Paul Ekman's emotional training program. This is for identifying facial expressions in other people and which emotion goes with which facial expressions. Professional lie detectors and interrogators use this kind of thing to tell if people are lying about how they feel.

AtlasRust · 2011-05-18T21:24:32+00:00

Can you follow dramatic arcs in television, or movies or anything like that, or is it all the same?

seanopedia · 2011-05-18T23:40:29+00:00

don't understand facial expressions

like prosopagnosia (face blindness)?

etherspirit · 2011-05-19T06:42:15+00:00

Hey, here's another FUN idea: play LA Noir! http://www.fastcompany.com/1724050/la-noire-brendan-mcnamara-team-bondi-rockstar-games-motionscan

pumagor · 2011-05-18T23:23:38+00:00

Hey, reddit, I was born retarded so im asking you to write a sentence for me on this board that will fix it.

Title	I am Emotionally Retarded
Author	Tarblz
Upvotes	24
Comments	39
Date	May 18, 2011 8:19 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/heh3i/i_am_emotionally_retarded/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-am-emotionally-retarded.1318383 https://theredarchive.com/post/1318383

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