Eye contact

warpcowboy · 2012-02-18T11:02:31+00:00

Mystery is the epitome of overanalysis and overengineering arbitrary rules/concepts just to fill some book chapters. 7 hours til sex? wat. Long, wrenching "DHV" stories? snooooze. A1 A2 A3 C1 C2 C4 R1 R2 R3 L S N? What the fuck. I think there's far more practical shit to read than someone that makes you track variables.

Instead, look at what guys with confident personas do in movies or in interviews. Strong eye contact, but not unconditionally constant. It breaks naturally from time to time.

I think the gist of eye contact really just comes down to (1) make it and (2) don't look like you're insecure and that it's hard for you. I think looking around the room is often insecure and I disagree with discourse that says that "alpha males tend to look at more interesting shit going on".

I disagree because eye contact is one of the most mirrored mannerisms in human interaction. If you're constantly shifting your attention, girls generally mirror it. I think we all have seen it happen where one person looks away and the other person does too and it keeps bouncing back and forth.

Instead, I prefer to focus a girl and me on the moment. If there's a lull in the conversation, just sit back and look at her for a moment. Most people neck-snap their dumb heads around the room when a convo hits a lull. She will 100% of the time if you do it. But if you nail her in the eyes the whole painful tension-building duration, she'll either return it or insecurely look around the room. Neither of us need to be looking around the room.

And this isn't something I think about. It's just sort of a postmortem retroflection on my experience with eye contact.

2012-02-18T18:05:58+00:00

Those don't contradict? Don't stare at the girl, but if your eyes lock, keep her eyes there till she turns away, not you.

I do agree that there are a thousand contradictions in the PUA community.

There is no 1 style that will work for everything. The best way is to make your own by experimenting and find out what works for you. Use the PUA's advice only as guidance, not bible.

Remember: They are out to make money on this, so they need to diversify themselves from the rest of the pack. Hence all the contradictions.

drumdance · 2012-02-18T16:49:13+00:00

There's eye contact and there's staring. If you just stare at a girl from across the room, that's creepy (though holding eye contact for a second and then smiling is fine).

But holding it while you converse creates tension. It's fine to break it every now and then, especially if you're looking away while you think of your next point. But notice when you look away out of fear and see if you can hold it past that.

Eye contact triggers a fight or flight response, hence the fear. At zoos they ask you not to hold eye contact with apes because it agitates them.

freshdachs · 2012-02-18T13:48:04+00:00

On a different note, does it matter which eye you're looking into? Or even nose bridge or eyebrow? I tend to choose the left eye, but slowly wandering over some of her face's details from time to time seems to be acceptable.

zkatkin · 2012-02-18T18:32:29+00:00

If you stare and she catches you, let her be the first to avert her eyes. It's that simple don't be ashamed of looking - if she gets uncomfortable so be it (and those are also "butterflies" for many girls).

notlurkinganymoar · 2012-02-18T18:50:47+00:00

Eye contact is good. The only way to tell if its too much is by practice. Walk around making strong eye contact with everyone, and you will quickly figure out when its too much. On your day 2s, have STRONG eye contact. This will lead to makeouts or a questioning "what?" from your girl. BOTH ARE GOOD THINGS.

TL;DR: Make strong eye contact on day twos and when you want to make out. Throw in a triangle gaze so you're not staring.

2012-02-18T19:39:12+00:00

Initial conversation I will hold eye contact, but smiling with eyes if you know what I mean, not bug eyed staring!

After that as much as feels comfortable, but if she is trying to explain something important to her, or I want to make her feel important to me I will lock in that gaze.

Nothing escalates like positive eye contact!

Chyndonax · 2012-02-18T19:43:11+00:00

Staring is creepy, unless she thinks your cute.

Old joke but something to be learned from it. The more a girl is into you the more steady eye contact will elicit a positive response. In practical terms hold eye contact for a few seconds at a time and gradually increase the more she gets into you. Only takes an hour max to get to long soulful gazes as long as she's responding positively.

theubernoob · 2012-02-18T17:35:57+00:00

Look at them like a normal person? I dunno, if you're really sitting there with a girl and concentrating on how much you look them in the eye, then you got some kind of issues. Just don't think about it and let it come naturally, like shes just another normal person, which she is.

When I'm clicking with a girl I get some kind of look in my eye that just screams I want to fuck them and they can see it and it drives them crazy. I have no idea how I do it, I don't think about it, it just happens. It probably just comes naturally when you're sitting there thinking, "I really want to fuck this girl". Maybe to do this, you have to change your mindset from "does this girl like me" or "what should i say or do to make this girl like me" to "i'm going to give this girl the best fucking shes ever had". I dunno, but I've had several girls tell me about this look, and I can feel it when I get it, and it happens when I'm clicking with a girl, and it's fucking awesome.

choc_is_back · 2012-02-18T15:37:09+00:00

Don't do it constantly, but do it often and naturally during a conversation. (most guys do it never or at most a couple of seconds/times in an entire conversation)

WisdomModifier · 2012-02-18T18:56:19+00:00

Unbreaking eye contact is creepy business. Just be natural with it.

... and yes, I know that 'be natural' is a cardinal mistake when describing "seduction techniques", but it's true. You know when you have conversations with anyone else in your life that you're comfortable with? Use the same amount of eye contact as you would in those situations...

The advice about a triangular gaze - look at each eye, and her mouth - is solid stuff too. It'll build (good) tension like AmateurSanta said.

Title	Eye contact
Author	wanking_the_monkey
Upvotes	56
Comments	30
Date	February 18, 2012 10:40 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pv4g9/eye_contact/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/eye-contact.1328544 https://theredarchive.com/post/1328544

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