20 year old virgin (male); when I'm eventually about to have sex should I mention that I've never done it before or just keep quiet?

Shohn64 · 2012-03-12T13:28:15+00:00

I lost my virginity last week (23) to a girl I'd gone out with a few timesm I didn't tell her until after... She wasn't pissed, but she said she'd wished I'd told her, and the sex was pretty bad.

I've dated two girls who I told them I was a virgin... Both of them then refused to have sex with me because they "didn't want to take it from me". In one case, I'd already had the condom on...

Turpentine01 · 2012-03-12T12:40:15+00:00

I went with keeping quiet, don't know if it was a good or bad thing, but it worked out just fine, although I was a bit younger than you.

Turned out it went quite well and the whole 'Oh you're gonna come so fast the first time!' myth that was making me nervous as fuck is a load of crap and she never realised she was my first until a few months later it came up in conversation.

I guess it depends on your relationship with the girl. If it's a one night lay then I wouldn't, but if it's someone you're close too and feel like you can open up to, then I'd recommend it. If she likes you she won't care and she'll probably try and make it special for you, cause she knows she's gonna be remembered, she'll want it to be in a good way haha.

Also, enjoy! It's real fun, and if you go all night you can skip cardio the next day :P

breadrising · 2012-03-12T14:22:19+00:00

Depends. Fling or a relationship that's not too serious? Keep it quiet.

Someone really close to you or someone you'd like to be closer with? You're better off being honest with them; they'll find out the truth eventually.

calaber24p · 2012-03-12T12:41:33+00:00

lol i said it was my second time and that I wasnt too experienced and neither was she and it worked out.

ShittyPUAadvice · 2012-03-12T13:34:32+00:00

I lost my virginity to a relatively close female friend of mine. I told her I was a virgin, so she went out of her way to make it awesome for me.

Ragas · 2012-03-12T15:57:27+00:00

lol with twenty it is not at all weird to be still a virgin.

You can tell her beforehand. I'd guess girls like it to have a virgin like men do.

Back then she was actually happy when I told her. And back then it was a 2 week holiday thing.

thefro1 · 2012-03-12T20:13:07+00:00

Don't tell her. Telling her will put a lot of pressure on her. Most guys suck at sex at age 20 so she might not know the difference.

I would strongly encourage you to visualize, in your head, what you are going to do when you do eventually have sex. Use the internet as a resource. Have a plan. That way, you will at least appear more confident and experienced instead of fumbling around.

vellyr · 2012-03-12T14:32:19+00:00

Lost mine at 25, told her first. I would say there's no harm in telling her, but make sure you have some serious sexual tension first. Make sure that she's already decided to fuck you and it shouldn't make much difference. If you let it slide any earlier it will destroy your chances.

PhyberLogik · 2012-03-12T15:42:27+00:00

I kept quiet. I told her afterwards when we started doing the relationship thing, she thought it was cute. Don't worry, everyone's first time is bad, it'll get better.

underachiever_guy · 2012-03-12T15:55:54+00:00

i kept quiet, i felt it would freak her out...

turns out sex isn't exactly...hard

2012-03-12T17:25:42+00:00

keep quiet. My first time I lied and said I knew what I was doing. The girl didn't have much experience herself, and didn't catch on. If she asks why you seemed inexperienced or something, just say she makes you nervous and go ahead.

leftajar · 2012-03-13T01:22:28+00:00

Does admitting it help you? Maybe.

Does admitting it help them? No.

Therefore, don't do it. Just Git R Done, be chill, be willing to laugh and learn.

vellyr · 2012-03-12T17:07:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BurnerSkunk · 2012-03-12T18:33:22+00:00

FYI: At 20 Many of your male friends are most likely lying about not being virgins :p

RIPoldAccount · 2012-03-12T15:35:21+00:00

I kept quiet - it was pretty bad the first time. Pretty sure she knew afterwards. I cringe thinking about it.

I would go with what others have said. Does this seem like the woman that might like to a V card or is she seem like she would reject you. Hard call. You could try getting a bj first to ease you concerns (you may want to fap a couple times that day if you are going for a bj because they feel pretty good to say the least.

gabriot · 2012-03-12T17:54:48+00:00

If it's a one night stand or similar do not tell. If it's someone you've known you can probably get away with it and have a better first experience.

calonord · 2012-03-12T18:35:42+00:00

A girl once asked me and I lied that I wasn't a virgin. Had a lot to drink and couldn't get it up anyway lol

2012-03-12T18:46:11+00:00

Don't say shit. Get that mind hurdle out of the way ASAP. It won't change your life but you will feel like a normal sexual being. Shit ain't rocket science, you just need the reassurance that you are a capable human being. Take it slow, make it fun, and don't give her a reason to second guess your actions. You can tell her after, joking "and that was my first time, imagine me with a bit of practice"

Coffee-Black · 2012-03-12T20:10:24+00:00

It seems women value their virginity a lot more than men, generally speaking. That being said, I wouldn't tell her, unless she asks. Most men don't give a shit about their virginity, while most girls (in my experience) view it as almost a rite of passage. If she asks, tell her, chances are it won't come up. Get a few drinks in you, minimize the foreplay, bang it out.

2012-03-12T22:24:17+00:00

I told the girl who took my virginity that I was a virgin. I wouldn't have imagined people having problems with this.

Then again, she was a nerdy girl who was used to dealing with awkward guys. Maybe if you're dealing with some party girl it would be different.

Lulumog9921 · 2012-03-12T23:03:32+00:00

I find it sexy when a guy is a virgin like taking away there innoncence. When your in the heat of passion that is not going to be the first thing going through your head to say. It only really matters if you want your first to be special with someone you love.

vj88 · 2012-03-13T03:24:18+00:00

I'm starting to learn that you should just skip saying anything that implies that you are inexperienced. I guess if you want to look at it in pua terms its anti-social value to say any of that stuff

Turpentine01 · 2012-03-13T14:12:30+00:00

Thanks for all your advice! Its been very enlightening.

destroyedinseconds · 2012-03-12T21:34:46+00:00

I told 2 girls and they appreciated it when i told them. it really doesnt make a difference. If anything it would be better as you're being honest and you're clearly not a creep either.

if shes got a problem with it, then shes not the one to take it man trust.

Title	20 year old virgin (male); when I'm eventually about to have sex should I mention that I've never done it before or just keep quiet?
Author	Turpentine01
Upvotes	10
Comments	41
Date	March 12, 2012 12:07 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qst5f/20_year_old_virgin_male_when_im_eventually_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/20-year-old-virgin-male-when-im-eventually-about.1329745 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329745

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