EDIT: REVISED 4/28

  1. IMPORTANT: Before teasing too much, perhaps on a sensitive subject, show that you respect for that quality of her's.
    1. “I like your style, you have a great sense of fashion. ” Later on then, you’d be free to say something like “You look like a goober dancing in that dorky dress. ” She knows that you’re kidding, because you already made it clear that you thought it looked good.
    2. This applies more to things they can’t change: height, weight, moles, skin color or conditions (never, ever tease about that)

ADVANCED

*Once you've gained some insight on how this works, you don't always have to smile or follow the rules. With enough calibration you can say whatever (depending on the girls, but you get the point). Start trying to say jokes/teases with a straight face in a dry tone. Done right it can lead to lots of laughs.

*If she rubs your back, "Oh no, please stop. Please stop." ("Stop, Dave. Dave, Stop." in a robotic voice if you think she's seen 2001: A Space Odyssey.)

BE CAREFUL USING ANY OF THESE IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THEY WORK

  1. Compliment Through Teasing

    1. Reverse a compliment into a tease.
    2. If she has some tig ol’ bitties: “I’m sorry, I’m just not into girls with small tits.” ”I don’t date girls on the itty bitty titty committee.”
    3. If the girl has smaller boobs, look at Sexual teasing, 5.2.2.<sup>(CAREFUL)</sup>
    4. Follow that up with, “Don’t worry, I’m an ass man, you still have a shot with me.”
    5. “Christ, you have some baby making hips.”<sup>(CAREFUL)</sup>
    6. Transition with: “Did you know that girls with a larger hip-to-waist ratio are more attractive to men, because it evokes evolutionary senses? All men are subconsciously more attracted to it, it makes us think that they’re ready to pop out some little munckins.”
    7. Or: ”I think that’s why I’m an ass man..”
    8. “You’re just such a horrible kisser. Please don’t ever kiss me again.”

  2. Role Reversal & Putting Awkward Social Pressure On Her

    1. If you spill a drink/Throw a napkin at someone, blame her.
    2. If she’s talking to just you, or the group isn’t really listening to you two, say one of these loudly:
    3. “No I will not make out with you!”
    4. “No cutting in line!”
    5. “How drunk are you?!”
    6. “I (don’t/barely) even know you!”
    7. “You’re going to have to take me to dinner before I let you do something like that…” “Whoa, take me to dinner first!”
    8. “You have the nerve to ask me that?!” (Follow this with something ridiculous like “I can’t believe you’re into that kinda shit!” or “She just asked me how I feel about group sex!”)
    9. Frame her as the predator: Blame her for trying to seduce you.
    10. ”All you women are the same, you only think of one thing.”
    11. “Slow down, tiger.”
    12. “Get your head out of the gutter!”
    13. “I’m not some kind of slut you know.”
    14. “You’re just going to take advantage of me.”
    15. If she asks you to hold something:
    16. Say “$1 million.”
    17. “Only if you give me a 3 hour long backrub with baby oil.”
    18. Grab it and hold it above her head so she has to reach for it.
    19. Grab a derpy looking guy if you can, or a friend can fill in, with/without her knowledge.
    20. Say to him, in front of her preferably: “Hey, my friend here thinks you’re cute. But she’s super shy. So here’s [name].
    21. Then leave them there for a bit.
    22. Either wait until she escapes from him, hunts you down and acts humorously appalled that you did something like that,
    23. OR you can go save her after a few minutes. Walk back to her and say anything like “Sarah says she needs you in the bathroom. I think it’s another one of her episodes if you know what I mean.” (Wink and sound serious)
    24. When you two go on a walk then return to a friend:
    25. “So we’re getting married now. Isn’t it a surprise? It all moved so fast, ya know?”
    26. “Well… I probably should have worn a condom. But whatever.”
    27. “This is why we can’t have nice things.”
    28. If she smokes/drinks: What’s this?! Now you’re smoking/drinking?!? Don’t you care about our baby?!?! (Make a scene)
    29. Backhanded compliments, "You may be smarter than I thought."<sup>(CAREFUL)</sup>
    30. Body Language Teases:
    31. Fake high five her then leave her hanging.
    32. Thumb wrestle with her. But cheat so you always win. Then make fun of her for sucking at thumb wrestling.
    33. When she wants to sit, steal the chair and sit very relaxed smiling at her.

  3. Act Blatantly Like a Player.

    1. Palm Reading Teases

    2. If accused of being a player:

    3. "That's the nicest compliment I've got all day."

    4. "If I was a player, why am I not playing you?" (wink with this one, or give her a challenging smirk)

    5. If asked if you have a girlfriend:

    6. "I did yesterday, I'm still auditioning for today's girlfriend. Things are looking good for you, but I had to take points off for [insert something she did wrong, or, point out an embarrassing moment of hers]." -Im_a_rapist

    7. “How much would it take for you to sleep with one of these guys?” Pointing at some goober looking fella.

    8. Point out other guys, maybe the AMOG, even girls, and ask.

    9. Then say, “What about me? 5 bucks? Yea 5 bucks sounds fair. Just wait until you see my perfected, formed, buttocks.”

    10. If a guy approaches your woman or target:

    11. “Oh thank god, I will PAY you to get these girls to leave me alone.”

    12. “Excuse me, are you hitting on my ex-girlfriend/ex-fiance/ex-wife?” “Don’t worry, it’s not a problem, you can have her, but just as a forewarning, she’s awful in bed. Not even in the good way.”

    13. “This is my ex-wife. But you can have her. She drinks a lot and beats me….”

    14. "You can dress her up, but you can't take her anywhere." (said to her friend or another obstacle. This is good to say to an AMOG (Cut in the conversation with: Oh I see you’ve met my friend here...), because while it builds attraction with the girl, it simultaneously disarms the AMOG because of your perceived alpha attitude.

    15. If the guy is a real bastard that won’t be enough, try throwing out things like “I apologize for anything she say’s in advance. I’ve been meaning to get her some crayons and a helmet, and put her in the corner with all the other retards so she doesn’t hurt herself.” (!!!)

    16. Try this: “What area of town do you live in?”

    17. She answers, you ask: ”Hm, how far is that from here?”

    18. Said in front of the AMOG: ”Well shit, I don’t know whether we should go back to your apartment or my apartment…”(Assuming you two are going home together.)

    19. After he leaves, mock him (don't make a huge deal of it), say "You're welcome for saving you from him."

  4. Use Positive Stereotypes and Your Own Insecurities.

    1. On Positive vs. Negative Stereotyping
    2. “You’re an art student? I bet you suck at math.“ (I'm an art student, that's how I get away with this.)
    3. (!!!) Even if she's not an art student, if she knows I am I will say, "Well who cares what you say, you're an art student! Pshhh!" This light self-depreciating humor will lighten the mood.
    4. When she answers anything math related: “Let the men do the math, honey.”<sup>(CAREFUL)</sup>
    5. You can project your insecurities on her. “Why are you being so awkward?!?”
    6. If you’re a big fat guy, say “Why are you SOOO fat? Jeez, go to the gym sometimes…”<sup>(CAREFUL)</sup>
    7. Projecting your insecurities on her will make you feel more comfortable with her and vice versa.

  5. More Sexual Teasing<sup>(CAREFUL)</sup>

    1. Many of Paragraph 2's line would work like this as well (2.1-2.16), just focus more on sexuality and less on humor.
    2. These are more for when you're pretty sure it's in bag.
      2.“I know you want me, it’s okay.”“Don’t act like you don’t want me.”
    3. “I’m bad news, you’re too nice for me.”
    4. “Jeez, I’m scared you’re gonna swing one of those weapons (gesturing towards her chest) and break my neck.”
    5. “You’re ass is staring at me weird. (I think it wants me or something…)”
    6. “Stop touching me before I get a boner.”
    7. “Stop using your pussy power to seduce me" "I know your plan.”
    8. If she is talking about something (that sounds) highly sexual: “I’m not sure what you just said, my mind was a little… well, preoccupied.”
    9. Assume you'll both be in the same bed tonight “If we’re going to sleep in the same bed, I call right side, and you better stay off it.”
    10. Whether she initiates it or you do, making out or other shenanigans are bound to start.
    11. Let that happen for a bit and then stop her before she has a chance to stop you
    12. Say “I told you to stay on your side of the bed. (Otherwise I may not be able to help myself.)”
    13. You have the choice of going right back to it or pushing her off (I’m a fan of this). She’ll come right back.

Let’s get some input on this. Lots of credit to David DeAngelo and the Love Systems interview series, though many of these are my own versions and things me and my wingmen have come up with.

Part 1<<<