A (Not So) Quick Guide to Teasing, Pt. 1

EDIT: REVISED 4/28

1. Notes added
2. Tag's^(CAREFUL) have been added to things that need to be said extra carefully.

Teasing

This may help: “3 Rules I Live By”

In order to pull teasing off effectively, you need to have confident body language, smile and make plenty of eye contact.

When you tease, say it in a very "tongue-in-cheek" style. She needs to know that you're intending to be humorous. Otherwise she'll take you seriously and you'll blow yourself out.

Teasing is used to:

1. Establish frame control, e.g., making yourself the prize, deal with AMOGs.

2. Build rapport/comfort – Teasing is something people do when they’ve known each other for awhile.

3. Establish Value – People only tease people of equal or lesser value than themselves.

4. Create Push-Pull , e.g., Qualifiers and Disqualifiers.

5. Produce shit tons of Callback Humor, which should be taken advantage of for the first call/text.

6. Teasing (as opposed to its uglier cousin, bullying) implies that:

   1. You're not going to put her on a pedestal. You're a confident person, not a yes-man. That's attractive.
   2. You've noticed (or made up) her imperfections, and they're not a big deal. Then, she feels more comfortable being herself around you.
   3. You're a funny person who is comfortable pushing conversational boundaries. This is sexy. (credit chris5100)

OTHER NOTES!!!

1. (!!!) Remember, constant teasing and nothing else will lead to people to detest you, and girls will be convinced you're an asshole.
2. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
3. You don't need to use that many of these. At all. Seriously.
4. If you think these are too mean, it's probably because you're saying them wrong and/or you are a boring person. Put a smile on.
5. I use these at house parties. It may work at clubs (I don't game there much at all, too difficult to talk and show what kind of person you are.) or bars.^(CAREFUL)
6. Why it's not negging.
7. On Calibrating Teases

1. Be enthusiastic. First and foremost.

   1. Be loud. LOUD.
   2. HAVE FUN, EVERYTHING IS A JOKE!
   3. Exaggerate. A lot. Avoid sounding try hard.
   4. If you give shit out, learn how to take it. The best way avoid being insulted/getting burned is to agree and amplify. If someone calls you a faggot, respond happily with “You interested?” ;) or “I’ll suck your dick so dry, and use a lot of teeth.”^(CAREFUL) A girl calls you an asshole, either make a scene about it by starting a fake fight or agree with her. “I know, I’m pretty much the world’s biggest asshole. You should probably not talk to me.”
   5. Make a scene about things.
   6. Don’t be monotone, vary your tone. Speak, with, pauses. Use commas, just wherever, when you're talking if you do, in fact, have problems slowing yourself down.
   7. Careful with making the conversation sexual; use more blunt sexual teases when no one else is listening.
   8. Don’t joke or tease too hard while the conversation is on something serious.
   9. Learn what vocal inflections work for you voice and style.
   10. Watch for reactions (without seeming reaction seeking). If her body language & mouth both are locking up, chances are you went too far.
   11. Make sure never to genuinely offend someone. If you do, apologize by saying either “I like a woman who can joke rough.” Or “My friends/family and I use teasing as a form of endearment.”
   12. Either of those should be followed by, “I apologize, let’s start over.”
   13. Ask a simple, logical question to distract (damage control): “Where are you from?””What do you do for fun?”
   14. If there’s resistance, back up, regain composure, go SOFTLY back into it.^(CAREFUL)
   15. Tell a woman, if she sits near you at the bar: "Out of all places in the bar, you chose to stand by me and you don't even have the courage to introduce yourself."
   16. "You’re totally checking me out...Aren't you?"
   17. (!!!!) Use lines from movies/tv/standup bits. I like using Louis C.K. lines. "Quit being such a faggot. Not like a homosexual. You're just being a... faggot." "I would never use that word to describe a homosexual. Unless he said something like, People from Phoenix are Phoenicians, then I'd say quit being a faggot and suck that dick." If she gets offended when you quote something, simply say where you quoted it from and state that you thought it was hilarious. You can transition from this by saying, "It's funny what we as people find funny. So much humor is just so messed up." This can get her talking for a bit and completely distract from the rude comment.

2. Start light, be playful with everyone.

   1. Ramp it up to bigger (more obvious) teases.
   2. As you get to know her, slow down the frequency of teasing , but not to a standstill, teasing will help keep her around and interested.
   3. Laugh a lot, smile big, and tease everyone a little bit.
   4. You won’t be obviously just going after her if you throw teases out to everyone. This will make her feel less singled out, therefore more comfortable with it.
   5. Teases towards female obstacles can create a jealousy plotline.
   6. Hug Test: When she hugs you, give her a letter grade "That hug was like a, ehhh, I'll say C-." (Don't give her higher than an A-.)

3. Treat her like a little sister.

   1. If you don't have one (I don't) watch standup comedians talk about their younger sister or daughter, watch your friends with their sisters.
   2. Make fun of anything she messes up or that you can spin it to make her look silly.
   3. Call her names like sweetie, honey, babe in a sarcastic (possibly a little endearing) way. “Calm down sweetie, I’m not that easy.”
   4. Call her names like Goober, knucklehead, butthead (always gets a good laugh) .etc. (accentuate the fact that these are lame, that's the point)
   5. REMEMBER: Keep your voice inflecting up to sound playful.
   6. “You know what, you're being a fuckin' butthead!” (Mixing profanity levels is funny. Drop your arms like you’re giving up on her, even walk away from her for a bit.)
   7. When you’re walking with her, lightly push her TOWARD, (Don't hurt her) chairs, pillars, telephone poles. Not into buses.
   8. Personally, when you two are walking somewhere, I really enjoy putting my arms straight down and walking right into her so I push her with my arm and body into stuff.
   9. (!!!) Qualify her by teasing. “You look/seem like you could be the world’s biggest Hanna Montana fan.” “I’m sure there’s more to you than meets the eye, what music are you actually into?”
   10. When she's taking herself seriously and/or in a position of power, telling you about it/showing off: Grin and say, "Aw, how cute." and proceed to act as if she's a 7 year old explaining her stuffed animal tea parties to you. (credit dablac)

4. Act like she always needs parental supervision.

   1. Especially if she’s young. "You're such a little brat (laugh here to break tension if need be), am I going to have to go get a bottle of warm milk and put you to bed?"
   2. "You're ridiculous."
   3. "You're too young to be drinking that!" (Grab her drink, hold it high in the air so she can't reach it, do this only to girls you already have attracted, and not for very long, otherwise they can find it annoying.)
   4. "I'm going to put you in timeout, little miss."
   5. Making plans: "Okay so here’s the plan, I talked to my mom, and she said that she will drive you home if your mom brings you over. Sound good?" "We'll have to leave the door open though, my mom comes in every 10 minutes and does a hand check."

5. Mock her, really, really obviously.

   1. You can repeat her verbatim.^(CAREFUL)
   2. If she has a country accent, do an obnoxious country accent repeating what she said, or just sing about a tractor.^(CAREFUL) (Qualify afterward with "Where are you from?")
   3. Role Play: Act like a high maintenance girl.
   4. Fake fight over something emotional and really girly. Act offended, “We can’t talk anymore, I need space.”
   5. If she calls you an asshole or makes fun of you: Overreact by freaking out “Fine! I see how it is!” (Storm off)
   6. “You know what?! That’s it! We’re breaking up, give me back my cds.” “I’ll be excepting some child support.”
   7. “Oh no. I think you got me pregnant…” (Blame sharing a drink, hug, kiss, even a handshake or thumb wars.)
   8. Frame her as a stalker/creeper. “Don’t make me get a restraining order (again).” “Stop following me!” “Look, you gotta stop touching me so much, I brought my rape whistle just incase.” “You stay away from my swimsuit area.”

6. Misinterpret things she says and your environment in general.

   1. This is so important because if you’re out of things to say, you can easily keep the conversation alive by turning what she says around.
   2. She tells you where she’s from: “I hear people from there smell bad/are boring/tell terrible stories.
   3. Follow up statements in respective order: “Keep your arms down just in case.”/ “You aren’t boring, are you?”/ “Can you prove me wrong?”
   4. Say she brings a drink back to the table or orders a drink in front of you: “Oh my, you shouldn’t have!”, “Thanks for the drink”.
   5. If her hair is curly: “I love straight hair!” (Or vice versa) while quickly and gently playing with her hair.

Part 2<<<