I'm fed up, but not sure if this is the right place for me.

StewartKruger · 2012-06-10T09:57:53+00:00

Gentlemen, we have our template.

2012-06-10T14:58:45+00:00

Just a word on education and career: don't get complacent. Just don't. Don't leave it hanging just assuming that you will succeed. Succeed first, measure by accomplishment, not by fantasy or expectation. This was one trap I fell into. It's a bitch to fix it later.

Wollff · 2012-06-10T18:07:50+00:00

Congratulations. So you are not sure what to expect?

Well, you will get lots of stuff about approaching women, opening sets, kino, escalation, lifestyle advice etc. etc. But there are some other jewels buried in here too.

Let me give you a rundown on one of the less obvious things you will have to fix if you decide to walk this path. It's not going to be one of the typical "108 paths to tantric kino" guides (though I'd read the shit out of that...).

Let's do some inner game instead: Your warped self perception really stands out like a rusty nail. Don't worry, it's fixable. Let's go through your post, and I 'll show you what I mean.

No, I'm the other kind of loser. I'm the one lucky enough to have a great education and a great chance of being successful later on in my life

So you are a successful loser. Does that sound odd to you? To me it sure does.

but who has no girlfriend, hardly go out, and generally lacks any excitement in their life.

You are happy and successful in some areas of your life and unhappy in some others. That makes you a loser? Welcome to loser planet: By this definition you are in the company of about 7 billion losers on this space rock.

Or are you a loser because people without girlfriends who hardly go out are losers? Including Bhuddist warrior monks? All the passionate artists who just had to make something last Friday instead of clubbing?

I think you might already start to notice that something is not quite right here. This term "loser" seems damn hard to pin down, doesn't it?

That's because "loser" is an arbitrary label with varying definitions.

Only because Billy from class 3 defines you as a loser, doesn't make you one. Same thing for society. Same thing for yourself: Even if you think you are a loser, that doesn't make you one. You are probably just being illogical, because at the end of the day "loser" is just a label we slap on people we want to hurt.

Whether that's a smart thing to do is something you decide.

There are quite a few other things that are ever so slightly illogical in there, above all this:

If I spend another year just sitting around watching as my youth slips away I'll blow my brains out.

So you are going to kill yourself if you don't manage to go out more often next year? You see that as a good reason to kill yourself? If you really do, you might want to consult a professional.

That's not an option, and the only alternative is changing my life.

Do you really think that there is only the alternative to change your life, or kill yourself? To me that sounds slightly illogical. Why? Well, try to find reasons yourself (false dichotomy etc). Yes, talking to yourself can sometimes be a really healthy game to play.

That is a little part of the mental judo that makes up so much of inner game. Even though it's geared towards depression, I have found that this is an awesome guide to challenge your assumptions about who and what you are.

tl;dr: Just some Inner Game. Keep Calm and Carry On.

coiffureC · 2012-06-10T06:11:25+00:00

Yep you're in the right place. You want excitement, and life is a hell lot more interesting with cool people in it. Seddit will teach you be "cooler" if that's what you want.

I'll toss my hat into the ring first by just suggesting you take up a hobby or sport. Do something exciting, such as surfing or rock climbing. It'll give you something to talk about and it'll also make you more fit.

Epoh · 2012-06-10T14:52:46+00:00

22 and same story, im tired of being the shy guy who lives live passively and doesnt develop or even attract meaningful connections in his life.

blue_moose · 2012-06-10T15:42:48+00:00

Try backpacking. I'm dead serious.

2012-06-10T10:46:09+00:00

You're in the right place, it's all about self improvement and being genuinely happy in life. Don't let the alpha talk bother you just read between the lines and you'll get the point ;).

Balloons_lol · 2012-06-10T06:46:54+00:00

You already sound like you're in good shape for change. Welcome aboard.

Magick93 · 2012-06-10T13:59:53+00:00

You have the right attitude. You have the frustration and a positive drive. Thats a powerful combination.

iLoginToComment · 2012-06-10T14:16:36+00:00

Seduction does not strictly revolve around women. It is about self development and building a unique and interesting seductive personality which will help you through all of your interactions in life. If you consistently get exposure to interesting topics, you will have things to talk about. If you consistently put yourself out there and get out of the house, you will eventually have interesting stories. Your perspective on life is unique, no one else has your experience. Just know that when you are in a conversation, you always have something to contribute.

pua_pua_choo · 2012-06-10T23:48:21+00:00

Hey! So I just wrote something ridiculously long in order to distract myself from studying for finals, so I totally understand if you don't feel like poring over the fruits of my procrastination. I'll put the summary at the top for your sake, so you can skip the rest of the post if you don't feel like reading the whole thing.

TL;DR: You've already got shit figured out. Stay motivated, keep up the good work, and never stop improving yourself--you've got the bases covered. You've initiated the positive feedback loop, and should undergo a period of exponential growth. All you have to do now is do. It's like riding a bike--you can only keep your balance if you don't stop moving. Open your mind, get in motion, and the rest will fall into place. Also if you haven't already, learn a musical instrument.

===> COUNTER-RANT <===

I was in the same place as three years ago, and only a year off your age. Had I access to a resource such as /r/seduction at that time, I'd probably have written the same post nearly word-for-word, but with significantly less coherency due to the sheer volume of cannabis and psychedelic compounds I frequently consumed in a futile attempt to dissolve my psychological barriers through almost solely chemical means. It was soon afterwards that I started to take the steps you mentioned and began to see the progress I had stunted with my previous approach. It's about three years after I initiated the paradigm shift and I've essentially undergone a metamorphosis of personality. It's not that I'm a person who I hadn't been before; it's more that I feel I finally occupy a physical domain worthy of the manifestation of my developed self-concept. In other words, the mind is a chill spot to kick back but world's a groovy place.

If you fully dedicate yourself, commit to breaking free of the habits that held you in stasis, and avoid the trap of too often seeking escape or short-cuts through psychotropic substances, I'm sure you could flip your mind in a couple of months.

Hell--if you half-ass it and live casually, but continue making sure you exercise, eat right, and keep an eye open for opportunities when they present themselves, then it still wouldn't be a year before you can't even remember what it was like to cruise through life this way.

Anyway, here are a few reasons why you're not a loser.

You're pissed off, not depressed. I'm not saying that depression makes anyone a loser, but it certainly makes it easier to feel like one. Anger will break you free from that self-image much faster than sadness will. Anger is a motivating force. Do not let it cloud your judgement, but tap into it if you need to when you find yourself in a rut.
You're 20 years old; you have years before you reach your prime. You've got a good decade to try the wildest ideas, to discover the inner passion that lurks deep in the heart of every man on this planet--not one excluded--and most importantly, to make mistakes. It might seem foolish, but that's the fastest way to learn.
You have an education, and the means to be successful later in life. It sounds like you got your foundation set before throwing yourself into the world of seduction, which I think is the best course of action. In terms of their effect on the brain, women are drugs--and they can be among the most mind-altering of them. If you have a good head on your shoulders by the time you decide to bring them into your life, then you're already ahead of most of the pack. Women love a man with a sense of identity.
You're already on the path to self-improvement through diet, exercise, and learning how to present yourself. Even if you were to do absolutely nothing else, this would raise your prospects to the point where your past situation looks unrecognizable. Diet and exercise are two things that will have consistent positive effects across the board. It's well-known that by exercising and eating right you can develop an amazing body, but the physical effects are a symptom of a drastically improved mind-state. Looking good is simply a side effect of feeling good. That's an increase in serotonin, dopamine, and testosterone production--skyrocketing mood, motivation, pleasure, and sex drive. At a certain point it's no longer about figuring out how to motivate yourself--it's about figuring out what the Hell you're going to do with all your extra energy. Dressing well provides a great jump in confidence as well. Even if getting a new outfit may only give a temporary boost to your confidence, the very fact that you're putting effort into taking care of your appearance will change the way people look at you. That's how you transform from an extra to a main character.
It seems as though your goal is to improve yourself, rather than to pick up girls with the hope that they'll fill some gap in your life. Like I said, women love a man with a sense of identity. I believe they respect that as much as anything else they see in a man. Many men try to use the attention of women to prop up their self-esteem, but most women sense that; if they don't, it's probably because they're looking to the man to do the same thing. If have a solid self-perception and you put yourself out there with the intent of sharing yourself with someone, you really can't lose.

You're absolutely in the right place. This subreddit is essentially dedicated to the art of improving yourself and ensuring you get laid as a reward.

From what I've read, /r/seduction seems to primarily have content related to the interpersonal interactions themselves, mainly related to improving perception, communication, and behavior. Mainly, how to:

Improve your self-image and ensure you engage in behavior congruent with it
More accurately read physical and emotional cues from the women you attract and are attracted to
Refine your responses, conscious and subconscious, to these cues
Tactfully, but unapologetically, communicate your desire and escalate accordingly
Coordinate the interaction to ensure suitable logistics for a rendezvous
Retain a state of independence and self-fulfillment throughout the interaction in order to ensure a positive outcome for everyone involved
Most importantly, remember that the whole thing's just a fucking game--the character you play as, and the rules you play by, are totally up to you

However, if you're looking for how to become a more interesting person, this subreddit should serve mostly as a bouncing-off point. I mean, it's certainly interesting to hear about the dynamics of sexual tension and that one time you might have almost had a four-way with two MILFs and a lunch lady, it's important to get your influences from a diverse selection of sources. Read, read, read! Expand you're intellectual base, question societal norms, and engage people based on the thoughts and questions that arise from this. Learn things people don't know, and they'll will want to hear what you have to say. Nearly everyone has curiosity for the unknown, and everyone else is dead inside. Go places people haven't been; explore places off the map and remote enough that they can't be seen from the tourist-traps. Discover places nearby--creeks, abandoned buildings, trees in parks that are fun to climb--that are damn interesting but hiding just off the beaten path. Girls love a guy who can, at will, conjure an adventure out of the seemingly mundane. Finally, learn to be completely fucking unpredictable. With the assumption that you're sane and well-adjusted, consistency's always there when you need it. Until that moment, exercise your right to chaos. Do things for no other reason than the fact that you can. Say things people wouldn't ordinarily say.

And finally, do some serious soul-searching and discover what you're passionate about. Dedicate yourself to it, and have everything else in your life come secondary to that. You are your passion, and everything else is along for the ride. I've only caught a few small glimpses of mine, but the feeling that overcomes you when you know you've discovered your true purpose is like nothing else in the world. Everything fits into place at once, life seems infinitely simple, yet infinitely beautiful and complex... and you may experience a sense of cosmic déjà vu--as if your entire life has been spent wandering, and you've finally returned home to a place that you know you've never visited before but feels more familiar than anywhere you've been. It's a sense of remembering, recalling something embedded deep within you since your conception that you have only now brought to light. It's the sense of totally and completely losing yourself, because you have become your passion and purpose there simply isn't a need for 'you' anymore. And you'll know what it is because it'll be something that nobody has ever done before. And you'll realize that if you don't do it, no one will ever do the way you could have done it.

bythepowerofthor · 2012-06-10T06:54:12+00:00

Welcome aboard brother. Most, of not all of us has been there. Like mentioned before pick up a hobby and or physical activity. Go out to bars and just converse. Become a better you for yourself not just cos you want to get some tail. Girls follow in that wake, and they'll be more attracted because you don't seem like that's all you want, you're just a cool guy to be around and they love that. For the most part we're a good community to be around; lots of advice and encouragement. If you haven't check out r/malefashionadvice. R/fitness has a lot of good advice too.

sedrees · 2012-06-10T15:26:00+00:00

i'm 17 and afraid to become you. I've now spent almost a year having This in my closet, but i just never get my act together and do it. What i'm trying to tell you is that having this book, having all the tools you need to change, is NOTHING if you don't do your part. It is going to be hard, but you are going to make it if you set your mind to it, and i hope some day soon so will i.

Pumpkin_Pie · 2012-06-10T16:02:51+00:00

you know what the problem is, and that most of the battle. now just fix it. Go to Peru or something and come back and you will suddenly be more interesting

kupakuma · 2012-06-11T04:04:26+00:00

If you attend college, try rushing for a fraternity. It's one of the best decisions I have ever made. My grades suffered during pledge quarter, but it's a great way to meet girls, as well as see naturals at work during parties and such.

deargodimbored · 2012-06-10T12:57:42+00:00

I'm here for many of the same reasons.

Marsupian · 2012-06-10T16:13:03+00:00

Maybe it's a good idea to join a local (sports) club/group. It's great for building/expanding your social circle and get access to events. On top of that practicing sports (especially team sports) is a lot of fun and healthy.

Good luck and read the sidebar.

Ragas · 2012-06-10T17:29:55+00:00

So it's easy! Go out, Plan things, invite people and if nobody wants to come with you, do it either way.

The rest comes automatically.

vuxanov · 2012-06-10T19:31:02+00:00

Go traveling, meet new people, see new places, buy a motorcycle, get a tattoo, jump from a high cliff, play basketball in the storm, go freeclimbing, paint graffiti, get drunk, get in a fight, give a nice gift to somebody, sleep under the night sky, do some live performance, watch foreign movies, talk with old people, talk with young people, read more, listen more. Do what you want to do, be what you want to be.

Kush_on_thebrain · 2012-06-10T19:31:17+00:00

Enjoy and love something and be knowledgeable about it and it comes with interest when someone has similar interest. But use this subreddit to improve your game and your life but don't think of it as a magic book its not.

m2c · 2012-06-10T20:22:59+00:00

Yes. In a year from now, you might read a post similar to yours and smile, because we were all you at one point. Welcome to the search for the awesome you. Don't worry, this all slowly but surely starts clicking and it becomes more of a habit than a conscious effort.

2012-06-10T22:06:13+00:00

Don't be discouraged man, what your talking about doing is possible, hard but totally possible. I was in your position about 6 months ago, now my life is completely different because I put effort into my friendships. Pick up hobbies, go out drink, do things that make good stories you know the drill just don't give up. If you're in school it would be worth it to join clubs and try and get to know the people in your classes, that means asking them to do things with you outside of class.

Sicklad · 2012-06-10T11:00:47+00:00

I'm in exactly the same situation. This place has helped a lot for making me confident when I do go out (which is very rarely due to money), and I'm sure when I start going out more, I'll be so happy I found seddit.

fish619407 · 2012-06-10T12:30:34+00:00

Submit to our teachings and you will become more powerful than you can ever imagine.

2012-06-10T13:20:06+00:00

If you're not sure, this is not for you.

sedrees · 2012-06-10T13:25:49+00:00

Not sure why people are saying you're in the right place- you're obviously not and you should find another community / location / social circle that's better suited for your needs.

Title	I'm fed up, but not sure if this is the right place for me.
Author	throwitawayno87
Upvotes	52
Comments	33
Date	June 10, 2012 4:58 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uu7ux/im_fed_up_but_not_sure_if_this_is_the_right_place/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-fed-up-but-not-sure-if-this-is-the-right-place.1333915 https://theredarchive.com/post/1333915

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