I've been familiar with the community for 5 years and I'm still a 22 year old virgin. It's starting to mess with my head. [ADVICE APPRECIATED]

2012-12-12T17:45:01+00:00

You've been 22 years old for 5 years now? That's a neat fucking trick, how'd you do that?

But yeah, standards too high. Follow the boner test. If making out/grinding with the girl gets you hard, then bang her if you can. Doesn't matter what your friends think, and your ego shouldn't come into play.

Your quality will rise with time, mine did.

puaCurveBall · 2012-12-12T17:48:30+00:00

It's getting even harder now since I'm at a big school with REALLY HOT girls everywhere.

What is your problem then?

If you are able to go get makeouts while going out, then you can fuck someone within a month. Especially in college. Keep trying to get the makeouts back to your place, you might fail on 90%, but you only need one success, right?

It really is that simple, but since you think it ISN'T, let me propose an alternative narrative:

You have some deep seated insecurities about not measuring up in some capacity (sexually or emotionally), and you sabotage yourself by losing attraction to girls or other actions.

Having sex with a hooker isn't going to change those issues.... so I would take a real honest look at yourself... more technique or approach might not help until you really take a good look.

If that ISN'T the problem, then you simply need to just approach more and go for the close. Don't stop escalating until you get rejected... every girl should end up either having sex with you, or verbally rejecting you.

ozzy91 · 2012-12-12T22:48:48+00:00

Dude get it done. The first girl who can get you up. Forget about if your super attracted or whatever. Just do it with one and then maybe another and you'll find the desperation is no longer there. If you keep waiting for a hot girl to fuck you will likely only get that one chance because if your like everyone else you will suck at sex the first time around. You might as well suck with someone you don't care to impress. Also, when I'm in a dry spell its harder to close cuz im just too outcome dependent. If you can get a subpar girl to have sex with you do it. Forget the hookers that shit is way more desperate than sexing a less than attractive girl especially at your age. Good luck.

sing99and90 · 2012-12-12T17:38:17+00:00

I'm not a regular here, and so may not be qualified to give advice, but it sounds like your standards may be too high right now. Of course you want to have sex with someone you're attracted to, but you note you're an average joe who's "really picky." at this point, you're probably also psyching yourself out. look, step one is stop jerking off so much. step two is just go fuck someone (NOT a hooker). this very likely is not the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, so get over this idea that they have to be super-attractive. just get it over with, so you can see there's no real magic to it. at that point you can start worrying about getting the girls you find hot. just my 2 cents

seedit · 2012-12-12T23:42:06+00:00

You say you've been trying really hard (Meditation, hobbies, approaching, etc.) but have you been approaching?

I've been sitting on my ass doing everything BUT approaching for ages, but as soon as I started having the balls to get out there, everything changed very quickly.

InNeedOfLay · 2012-12-13T00:01:41+00:00

How often do you go out? That's the only thing you didn't mention. You may have read a bunch of material, but have you tried applying any of it?

readonlyuser · 2012-12-13T01:08:11+00:00

Before anyone says anything, yeah I've read that sidebar and a lot of material about seduction. I'm not new to this and I've known about the community for years.

There's your problem right there. You've read too much and you didn't apply any of it consistently. You're in college. Go out to meet girls and you cannot fail. Make lots of friends, don't get super drunk, stay on point. Problem solved.

Jim_McNulty · 2012-12-13T01:51:50+00:00

Similar situation, 23 years old and never had a girlfriend. its made a strange sticking point I'm trying to bulldoze through right now.

ozzy91 · 2012-12-12T18:47:09+00:00

look at the quality of girls who hit on you. the truth is that you date within your strata. if sub standard girls hit on you then that means you appear to be attainable. that means you are probably not as great as you think you are. its been mentioned that your standards are too high....believe it.

budguy68 · 2012-12-12T19:08:26+00:00

Studying material at your age might be too early and it might actually fuck with you more than help..

I say forget all the BS, take a weekend off and then go back in the game.

The only things to remember are 1 Approach 2 Not give a fuck.

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-12-12T20:54:54+00:00

You're in college now. Women are throwing themselves at you, and you are doing nothing. There will never be another time in your life when you will be surrounded by as many attractive young people. If you don't do something about it, you will regret it.

One of the ways we figure out what we want from dating and sexual relationships is by dating and having sexual relationships. You're not going to find that out by hiring a hooker. Just take it easy and focus on having fun with the women around you. If you make women happy to be around you, they always want more of you.

yokhai · 2012-12-12T18:34:30+00:00

You are trying to hard and girls can smell that shit from a mile away. You wanting to have sex so badly with undoubtedly affect how your act while seducing, probably chasing off any good targets. You just need to get laid and get over that initial desperation. Then when you calm down and realize its not that big of a deal, you will be able to go after much more desirable women.

teddyteddyteddy · 2012-12-13T00:50:29+00:00

Science of Sex Appeal

Wollff · 2012-12-13T04:12:36+00:00

Well, many good points have already been made in this thread: As we all know, if you really want to fuck beautiful girls, you have to become the best version of yourself! You need to raise your self esteem. You have to approach more. You have to try harder and get over your neediness. There are a lot of things you have to work on. And you will have to master all of that quickly, because once you are out of college, a unique opportunity will have slipped by. You are going to regret that for the rest of your life if you fail now.

Is your jaw clenched? Is your breath going a little fast and shallow? Has your body tightened up while reading that? I hope it has, because I have been trying my best to put pressure on you.

After reading through the thread here a bit, I got the impression that you are already very good at putting pressure on yourself. Example: You currently feel like women can see right through you and feel your neediness? Well, with that picture in your head, you are guaranteed to feel like that is true. And it will put on the necessary pressure to help you succeed in being awkward and unnatural.

What helps me dealing with such pressure is the paradoxical approach. When you notice you are under pressure (your body will tell you), try to identify the cause, and embrace it. Embrace it to death. Embrace it so hard that it becomes absurd.

You will show those women just how needy you can be! You will actively emanate waves of neediness toward them. You will drive them before you, and hear their lamentations, only by the supreme power of your neediness!

That takes off the pressure. And by refusing to take those issues seriously, you refuse that they have power over you. And it allows for failure: Even if you show too much neediness and happen to screw something up, what's going to happen? Everything female in proximity is going to flee in terror?

Try it, it might help.

libertas · 2012-12-13T07:40:52+00:00

Yeah, you're coming off as completely desperate. I have a different take on what you should do about this.

Go out and hit on girls, completely without any intention of getting laid. Your only object is to be a complete tease. Escalate sexually as you normally would - kino, eye contact, getting in their space, teasing/bantering with them, touching their hands, ramping up the sexual tension, etc.

But it's not about getting laid, it's about having fun. Whether or not you have sex with them is irrelevant to you. You just like to turn them on.

Make them want you so much that they chase you. Be a challenge, always show them you're willing to walk away. And actually be willing to walk away.

Only if you can master this mindset of it not being about the sex will you ever get laid.

2012-12-13T20:02:54+00:00

If you keep referring to yourself as an average guy, you are not doing yourself any favors. Maybe it's time to admit that either you are A. actually above average or B. able to be above average, but not putting in the effort.

ejpusa · 2012-12-12T23:48:21+00:00

RULE NUMBER 1: When a guy meets a beautiful woman, ALL the rules just got out the window. Or in the words of a beautiful female friend "when guys see me, their brains just get so scrambled, it's so crazy". Me: ummmmm, ummmmm, what did you just say? :-))))))))))

Title	I've been familiar with the community for 5 years and I'm still a 22 year old virgin. It's starting to mess with my head. [ADVICE APPRECIATED]
Author	InNeedOfLay
Upvotes	17
Comments	30
Date	December 12, 2012 5:30 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/14qfby/ive_been_familiar_with_the_community_for_5_years/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-been-familiar-with-the-community-for-5-years.1344148 https://theredarchive.com/post/1344148

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