Body Language Question: Stiffness in Standing Straight?

mileshigh_23 · 2013-07-20T15:20:26+00:00

There was a time when I tried to follow countless little rules of acting confident, one of those being perfect posture. It only served to make me constantly evaluate myself and ultimately stress me out.

I recommend not constantly self monitoring yourself in this fashion: you will drive yourself slowly insane. What worked for me was not focusing on being confident one bit, simply approaching many, many girls (direct game during the day for me, but to each his own).

When you approach a ton of girls on a regular basis, resulting in both successes and rejections, you're going to slowly build confidence. It's not going to take conscious effort anymore to *act confident; you'll just be confident and the swagger will follow.

DaveYarnell · 2013-07-20T19:52:49+00:00

The "Stand up straight" rule is because some people (like my former self) have really bad posture. This wasn't something that I fixed while talking to a girl, it was something that I had to train myself all day, every day to fix.

When you're talking to someone you don't worry about it, you just rely on the fact that it's how you stand because it's how you always stand and have become comfortable standing.

deepaktiwarii · 2013-07-20T14:30:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

throwaway_the_man · 2013-07-20T15:27:58+00:00

It's not about the mechanical actions that you do. It's about the place you're doing them from (i.e. how you feel emotionally).

Sub-communication isn't body language (AFAIK). Sub-communication is basically the emotional vibe that you're projecting (the vibe that goes deeper that just body language). You could stand tall and straight, and still project insecurity.

annirun · 2013-07-20T18:27:52+00:00

Elliot has a bunch of stuff that is about becoming the best version of yourself and becoming a balanced masculine person. body language talk starts at about 4 minutes in but watch the whole thing.

TL;DR tight back shows power lose front shows compassion. If you have your shoulders back but do not tense the muscles on your front you come off as the best of both world guy. You should be able to breathe deep if you are doing it correctly. The one who can be the powerful alpha but still has compassion for those close to him.

rousseaux · 2013-07-20T22:54:07+00:00

Thumbs in your back pockets and lean back like you don't give a fuck.

TallVikingThrowaway · 2013-07-20T16:18:08+00:00

Its because you are focusing on it, you are supposed to be relaxed but with a good posture.

The way i learned good posture was by making it a habbit. I maintain good posture everywhere, so that i don't have to think about it when approaching.

velezs · 2013-07-20T17:47:23+00:00

One great way to improve posture is to strengthen the muscles used in standing straight such as traps, lats, lower back and your leg muscles. People with strong backs and posterior chains almost always have good posture and it's natural.

619shepard · 2013-07-20T18:02:58+00:00

You are doing something consciously and so probably recruiting far too many muscles. That's what's giving you the stiff robotic movements. You have to pull against an already tight muscle just to initiate movement, and so end up using way more force just to do something simple like take a drink from a glass.

Time will help you with this. As your body develops straight upright posture as default, you will begin to release a lot of tone in muscles that aren't needed to keep you upright. You can try to do this a little more consiously the next time you have some free time (standing in line is a great place). Get yourself into your "ideal posture" and let that set in for a moment. Memorize every relationship of one body part to the others. Then pick one muscle that you feel is being very active and try to bring the tone down just 1-2%. I like to visualize an ice-cream Popsicle. It can melt a little bit without being a puddly mess. Similarly, your muscles can relax a little without you being completely pulled down by gravity.

You may have found a part of my area of specialty.

realitygenrator · 2013-07-20T19:53:43+00:00

When you frame your interactions with others in your own mind in such a way to make your self attractive, your body will behave according to that frame. For example, when you make an approach, your frame of mind should be "I am allowing this person (or people) into my domain because I have something that is interesting to them" This is called assuming attraction. If you feel that way (don't just tell yourself this but believe it) Your body language will naturally follow. By the same token, if you tell yourself this without believing it, your body language will show that too.

crazy_fly · 2013-07-20T23:27:54+00:00

Working out is great for posture. Build your core, but do exercises that build your entire body for example dead lift, squats....

Stiffness is not only a result of being to aware of your posture, but also nervousness. Yoga, mindfulness etc may let you be aware of how you are. For example, through mindfulness I found out that I automatically tense my thigh muscles. Every so often I become aware of this, then I relax them. When I am no longer conscious of this, they become tense again until I become aware, and this is a constant issue...

Stiffness has several influential factors.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-07-21T12:41:25+00:00

Oh sure there is lots of discussion in seddit about body language. Did you use the search function? I recall a sedditor posted scans of some of the first popular body language books, they're now out of print so it's not exactly piracy to download them. But there are other commonly cited resources, both online websites and useful books. I particularly like "What Every BODY Is Saying." It's by an FBI profiler who is an expert in body language.

Now my body language sucks. I constantly slouch, due to too many hours at a keyboard or poring over a book. I have a bad back and have to make an effort to stand up straight. I saw some early DVDs by Mystery that gave a couple of exercises from a woman (his girlfriend of the moment, probably) that was a teacher of the Alexander Technique. This is a well known method for improving posture, it was developed for actors to help them project their voice and give a better impression through body language. I would really like to take some lessons in Alexander Technique, but it's expensive. You can find some introductory lessons on YouTube. The basic idea is to hold your head and neck as if they are being held up by a string attached at the top of the skull. Most people prop up their head as if it pivots from the base of the skull, which affects the entire spinal alignment.

But there are some easier corrections that can make a better impression. For example, the Any BODY book talked about how people sometimes stand with their hands on their hips. He describes it as an intimidation posture, he commonly saw it from cops who would enter a room with an intent to dominate. But it's overly aggressive in social situations. I noticed I was doing this unconscously, and made some effort to just let my arms hang more casually. This frees you to do more gestures with your hands while talking, which gives a better impression (if you do it right).

darkshadenl · 2013-07-20T16:30:17+00:00

Search rob brinded - code of the natural. It will reprogram your body language by doing exercises!

RedditorInvestor · 2013-07-20T16:40:15+00:00

It's all inner-game, man. The fact that you feel awkward is because your body language isn't aligned with your thoughts. Remember: Have a perfect alignment between thoughts, words, and actions. Mentally, give yourself permission to be cool and dominant, then everything else will fall into place and feel natural.

Title	Body Language Question: Stiffness in Standing Straight?
Author	throwaway_the_man
Upvotes	19
Comments	23
Date	July 20, 2013 2:00 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ip0gp/body_language_question_stiffness_in_standing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/body-language-question-stiffness-in-standing.1355681 https://theredarchive.com/post/1355681

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