Good friend fucking my crush - need advice how to get over it

bl1y · 2013-12-16T21:39:39+00:00

GO TALK TO OTHER WOMEN

HappyJerk · 2013-12-16T23:47:15+00:00

Cut all contact with the girl

Hit the gym

Focus on living a life where your self-validation does not come from women

Try to avoid your friend

start a new chapter in your life

nobody2000 · 2013-12-17T04:04:55+00:00

You're in copious good company. I'd put money on 99% of the men on this sub having experienced at least half of what you're going through. Luckily, we're here to help.

While you will be living with your buddy and this girl will be around all the time, you're going to have to do what you can to forget about her.
You're no longer allowed to spend more than 2-3 evenings per week in your house. You're to start going out. Doesn't matter where. If it's going to the library to read fucking books, do it. You need to not only get your mind off the situation, but you need to decompress a bit. Read some classic literature, see some great movies, learn a martial art, do something.
The elixir won't taste sweet yet, but you've got to approach and date women. Approaching will suck. You'll fail at first, but you know what? Everyone, and I mean everyone fails. You can comb through this sub and read cherry-picked field reports from people who look like epic alpha males. All these guys hit hard times, talked to random beautiful women at bars, book stores, grocery stores, and school, made themselves look like asses and moved on.
For a quick fix, online dating. Again, the elixir won't taste as sweet, but just do it, and try to have fun doing it. When I started the online dating bit, I sucked at it - my dates were like interviews - BUT - I made the most of it, choosing locations that I haven't visited yet (restaurants, coffee shops, places I had a groupon to...things like that).
Time. When the girl you like is with your friend, it sucks. You'll kick yourself over and over again with the "what if I acted earlier?" and it really won't do you any good aside from the fact that you hopefully will learn from it.

There are 3.5 billion women on this earth. One is now unavailable to you. I think there's a damn good chance you can find some great women out of the remaining 3,499,999,999 women left. Just next time, act quicker, take a risk you might be scared of taking, and go for it!

chaosharmonic · 2013-12-17T01:19:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

leeroy25 · 2013-12-17T00:22:20+00:00

Additionally, thank you all for the input, it really helps to just write this down.

I am usually pretty good at not ending up in the friend zone, I am pretty direct, but I fucked this one up. Just started texting this girl because she was pretty cool (wasnt interested at all at first) and eventually led to 6 months of textings every single day and opening up to her and getting attached.

chris1227 · 2013-12-16T21:48:49+00:00

That blows. I feel for you.

Kind of a dick move by your friend if he knew you like her.

I guess just try to move on and try to find better friends that wont fuck girls you are interested in. Oh and learn from it and dont get friendzoned.

joshsway · 2013-12-17T01:14:57+00:00

been in this situation with a house mate for a summer (though it wasn't a friend who fucked her just some random). It sucked but basically I just stopped communicating with her apart from the bare minimum possible. It actually ended up getting me some action from her (though no sex) because she had validation issues, but that is not the norm. Don't expect to get the girl doing this, but it will make things pass more easily.

dragontamer69 · 2013-12-17T06:11:46+00:00

Same shoes a while back. You'll get over it. She's just a crush, wasn't the first, won't be the last. You'll look back on this when some other person needs this advice. There is no need to waste energy on this. I wasted my energy on being angry, bitter, sour, and upset. WHEN I could have been going out, being productive, talking to other women, and just being happy.

Do you lift? Do you cook? Do you read? DO YOUR THING.

blight231 · 2013-12-16T22:39:16+00:00

I'm sorry that blows.

If you feel really strongly about her just tell her how you feel and what happens happens.

In my experience its best to move on. You'll be stuck "in the zone" forever and there is no way it would work with your current living situation.

Learn from this and don't get zoned again. Be more aggressive and always push the envelope. Make your intentions clear early on.

This may seem petty but a cheap lay is always a good way to forget.

HANG IN THERE

THEMACGOD · 2013-12-16T23:13:41+00:00

It's tough... You probably won't, especially until you are removed from the situation, which would help a lot, but isn't always feasible. Get away from them as much as possible until you can start to figure out how to deal with it, internally.

destinys_parent · 2013-12-17T06:47:21+00:00

Go hit on other girls. It will destroy one-it is.

leeroy25 · 2013-12-17T08:55:23+00:00

What did he do/not do that you did not do/did?

Silenthooker · 2013-12-17T18:57:29+00:00

I know that must suck a lot but what you want so badly unfortunately doesn't exist. Your pain is coming from the denial of something that you wished existed but doesn't. She is into your friend. I'm sure you'd rather her be into you and not into your friend. THAT is what's painful, that she's so close to what you want. But there's a crucial factor: the connection/desire to be with you. It may be your fault for leading it down that road, it may be a lack of real chemistry. But all ya can do is look at what it is now and react as best you can. Don't waste your energy thinking about what ifs or wishes. Look at the reality. Do you actually want the girl as is: likes your friend, friend zoned you, etc. or do you want her to be a certain way that she isn't and you're in love with that version of her, the fantasy version that's not real but she's oh so close to. So close you can really feel what it would be like but it's not and it hurts when something that seems that good is just out of reach. Remember that what you seek in her right now is out there, and it's real not a fantasy. Gotta stop chasing the fantasy before you can heal enough/be ready for the real thing when you find it.

Tl;dr- you're in love with a fantasy version of a person, go find what you wish this girl was in a real person

Sir_Psycho_Sexy_ · 2013-12-17T02:53:43+00:00

Could do with the same advice tbh. Slightly worse for me since I'm staying in the same place as both the girl and the guy she's with (amongst a few others) ... I don't see another alternative than to move on with someone else imo

kristieecakes · 2013-12-17T07:21:53+00:00

I know feelings can be tough to talk about but it might help you get over it. If you aren't comfortable with that then don't make it weird or anything, but it's good to air it out. Airing it out will also avoid any animosity or resentment between the two of you.

KidBill · 2013-12-17T08:05:20+00:00

You can either 1) Continue to feel bad about it, or 2) Move on and talk to other women. Remember, you have to look at this as a positive: that it was a learning experience.

HB420Blazeit · 2013-12-17T16:14:23+00:00

This comment will help you

Royale28 · 2013-12-18T17:00:33+00:00

Hey man I really feel where you are coming from, but having a "crush" means you havn't done anything about it. If you like her, you need to ask her on a date asap and see if she likes you or not. You would not have this problem if you already asked her out, knew if she liked you or not, and moved on.

leeroy25 · 2013-12-18T20:36:57+00:00

I think the part that hurts the worst is that I lost a good friend too. I actually really enjoyed texting her for all those months she was really cool and thats how I got caught up in this. I wasn't attracted at first and I just figured she was a fun person to text and I thought Ive never really had a close friend thats a girl before.

I always knew deep down that in my opinion friendships with two single people dont work for me personally, I usually develop feelings. I think it stems from never having a girlfriend and just confusing her friendship to be something deeper.

What really stings is that me and her were really close and to find out she is that much closer to my roommate and he's getting all the things I wanted fucking hurts.

I used to text this girl non stop for over half a year and every time something weird or funny happens I miss talking with her about it. That being said, I need to accept reality. I can't be friends with her anymore because I have feelings if jealousy and frustration when I see her interact with my roommate and I need to detach myself from her.

I don't know what this will manifest into but I just pray she doesnt visit sometime soon because I need some time to get this straight in my head first

Gonzo437a · 2013-12-16T21:40:23+00:00

In the immortal words of Don Corleone, "you can act like a man! " stop whining, get over it, wish your friend good luck, and secretly try to get her back.

hallaa1 · 2013-12-17T03:02:17+00:00

You're on the wrong subreddit. Go to r/relationships or relationshipadvice.

Title	Good friend fucking my crush - need advice how to get over it
Author	leeroy25
Upvotes	15
Comments	50
Date	December 16, 2013 9:32 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1t1bsf/good_friend_fucking_my_crush_need_advice_how_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/good-friend-fucking-my-crush-need-advice-how-to.1363135 https://theredarchive.com/post/1363135

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