How do you escalate a relationship with someone you already know?

joethomma · 2014-01-30T21:30:41+00:00

This is one of the few areas I actually feel confident in giving advice, so here goes.

First and foremost, un-friendzone yourself. If I'm interested in a girl I know, a friend, someone from work, a classmate, etc., even if it isn't serious interest, I'll usually try to do something so that they do not think of me as the nice guy/friend-type. It doesn't really matter what it is. Tell a funny/gross/stupid sex story. Bluntly hit on her. In my experience even talking about past girlfriends/girl drama works (as long as there's a sexual frame). Just something to get her thinking of you as a sexual person.

Then just start flirting, even small stuff. Touching her, genuine (keyword: genuine, and preferably about something unique to her) compliments on her looks. A good trick I learned somewhere is to talk to her about an awesome past casual relationship you had or about a female friend you're close with who is into random hook ups. Basically anything that sets a non-judgmental frame. (Obviously works best if said story is true.) She doesn't want to feel like a slut for hooking up with you. More than likely, mutual friends/acquaintances are going to find out.

Throughout -- and this is key -- just make sure you always have fun every time you talk, hang out, text. There's a French saying I live by: Une femme qui ri est un la moitié dans ton lit. ("A girl that's laughing is halfway in your bed.") I've had a surprising number of female friends randomly make moves just because we always seem to have a good time together.

Here's another thing: tread lightly if it's a friend you're interested in. The fallout drama sucks.

belowthepovertyline · 2014-01-31T00:42:42+00:00

Take the same light and fluffy conversations you have now and find the deeper levels of them. There are "layers" to conversations that you have with people- you can have a chat about the same thing around the water cooler with work acquaintences that, on a different level of intimacy, you'd only have with someone you were persuing. Like it's one thing to say "I'd like to buy a boat". You'd say that casually to people at work. But to someone you're looking to create a deeper, more emotional bond with, you may reveal "I've been trying to restore this boat. My best memories are from the ocean with my dad when I was a kid" When you open up and elevate the intimacy, you create a more meaningful conversation.

I knew my boyfriend for like 6 years before we got together. I always found him to be funny and likeable and cute, but it wasn't till we got involved in a lot of late night, heavier, possibly alcohol fueled conversations on facebook that one day I realized I was like, MADLY in love with him. We've been together for almost a year now, and I still get butterflies when he walks into a room. He still stares at me when he thinks I'm not looking. Our friends hate us. :p

bl1y · 2014-01-30T20:55:25+00:00

Check the comments on this thread

haethrpls · 2014-01-31T01:14:15+00:00

On the flip side, how would this work for a woman who wants to seduce a male friend?

routesixtysix · 2014-01-30T23:26:58+00:00

I am actually doing this right now! A bit of backstory first. I have been friends with this girl for about a year and a half now. We hung out a ton but she always had a guy so I never really made a move or wanted to try and be a sleezeball. About a month ago she came on the market, and she always knew I was at least partially interested in her. We always go on friend dates but after one I asked her straight up: "Do you want to go on a real date with me? Not a friend date?" And she said yes. Then the only difference is there is more sexual tension, and when I made any moves on her it wasn't weird or out of the ordinary after our usual dinner and hangout sessions. Granted I got kind of lucky one of her friends hinted at her liking me so I knew I had at least a small chance. And she is the kind of girl that wouldn't make it weird if she shut me down. So I went for it. But really you shouldn't be put off by putting yourself out there. She should respect your honesty.

CEOpua · 2014-01-30T23:03:58+00:00

Try to start talking more about sexual stuff. Get her to tell you about who she is dating, hear her complaints etc. Then tell her who you are dating, and tell her stories that make her visualize possibly being in that situation with you. This has happened to me naturally a number of times.

dreemsea · 2014-01-31T15:43:40+00:00

What about if you are good friends with someone and you already went through the dating thing but then things went back to being friends..basically friendzoning? What do you do then? Me(F) them (M)

ozzieoo · 2014-01-31T02:08:00+00:00

Very slowly...If you want it to last, let nature take its course.

magicroot75 · 2014-01-31T01:14:40+00:00

So much of this can be answered in one phrase: Take what you want.

TurboNerd · 2014-01-31T04:45:55+00:00

You don't move on.

msing · 2014-01-31T05:30:15+00:00

You don't. Unless the friendship was exceptionally touchy feely before, the female's expectations of the relationship stay constant. The entire game of courtship is based off irrational instinct. Think about infatuation. Bodies move, minds freeze. The more rational attempts at developing an intimate relationship, the less possible they are. Spontaneity sells.

Title	How do you escalate a relationship with someone you already know?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	218
Comments	48
Date	January 30, 2014 8:28 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1wl2kh/how_do_you_escalate_a_relationship_with_someone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-escalate-a-relationship-with-someone.1365214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1365214

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